Monday, September 29, 2008

Heroin fast reliable pain relief.

Good day to you everyone! So far my day has been uneventful. I went health food shopping here in Honolulu, and got a bunch of vegetarian food. BTW, I trying to become a vegetarian. I love animals too much to be eating them. I know I'm a loser.

I just started getting food stamps, and I still had 140 bucks on my card, and its almost the end of the month. If I don't use up the money by the end of the month its wasted. I had tried to use my food stamp card the other day when we went grocery shopping on the military base, where everything is much cheaper, but I was unable to use my food stamps because I'm not military. Only my mom and dad are, so they had to use their own money. So we already have tons of food in the house...we spent 500 dollars on groceries that day, but I had to use up this food stamp money. I figured what better way to use it up, than to go to the health food store, where everything is mega expensive, and splurge.

I forget that you guys don't know anything about me. Let me give you and overview quickly. I'm 25, fat, living with my mom and dad, unemployed, writing a book no-one will ever read, and I'm an heroin addict, well now I'm a methadone addict, since I'm one methadone treatment for the heroin addiction. The methadone is my saving grace. Without I wouldn't be able to function in society.
I'm living in Hawaii, but I'm from Wisconsin. Me, and mom and dad, just moved to Hawaii, in August. My mom is a traveling nurse, and that's why we moved here. She and I have lived here before, last summer, and we decided we wanted to come back, and this time indefinitely so we brought my dad. My dog Eleanor is here with us too. She is my everything. The main reason I stopped shooting dope is for her and my parents. Not for me. As soon as my parents pass on I plan on going back to the needle. I don't want my parents to die anytime soon tho, because I would be lost. I love mommy and daddy more than myself.
The reason I moved to Hawaii last summer is because I got kicked out of rehab, and was going to have to go to jail for 7 months. So I skipped state, and made my way to Hawaii, where my mom was. My dad was still in Michigan at the time, and my parents were separated(they are back together now). The reason I was suppose to go to jail is because I was on probation for writing out Dilauded prescriptions to myself. I ended up relapsing while on probation, and my PO gave me a second chance in rehab, but I just couldn't do it. I was not ready to stop. I had been on methadone treatment, while on probation, and I was using while on it, so my PO said I would not be able to go back on it ever in the state of Wisconsin. I would rather be dead than not be able to go back on methadone, so I was either going to shoot myself in the head, or I was going to make it to Hawaii. I had to hid out in Michigan by my dad for three weeks before I got to Hawaii, after I got kicked out of rehab. During that stay I attempted suicide, and ended up in ICU for three days, and killing one of my kidneys. I took 500, 325mg Aspirin, and a bottle of red wine. My dad found me and brought me to the hospital where I was revived, and the rest is history.
I attempted suicide on my dads birthday, and I hate myself for that. It was his 50th birthday too. Its along story as to why I attempted suicide, and it will be in my book. Actually all of this will be in my book.
I know this is hard to follow, I keep jumping from thought to thought without any seaway. I'm sorry, but I just wanna get this out. Another way you can catch up on who the hell I am is by going to my blog on My space, at

Any fucking way, now here I am. In Hawaii, with my mom and dad, and dog. (I used to have a younger sister, but she died 5 years ago in a drunk driving accident, she was drunk, she was 19 years old, I was 20. Now I'm the only surviving daughter)

Really I don't know why I'm fucking blogging. I know nobody gives a shit about me, and will never read my pathetic blog, but it makes for a good practice writing. Which I need, because I'm a terrible writer. I want to go to some writing workshops, but I haven't found any so far. If anyone ever reads this, and by some chance knows of a writing workshop in Hawaii, on the island of Oahu, please email me and tell me about it.

Fuck...I give up. This blog sucks. I'm so sorry.

1 comment:

lilygirl said...

So I just started reading, you know my friend got in trouble for writing dilaudid scripts to herself too...I'm a recovering H addict, I guess..I would probably do it more but its a waste trying to break through the methadone..But the benzo's and methadone give a little bit of the same effect, as you know..