Monday, September 29, 2008

Where is my mind

Hello...everyone, and no-one. This is my first blog on blogger. I usually blog on myspace. You can read it at www.myspace.com/ppfaceannagrace I write every fucking day, and well I like to do it.
I don't have shit to say right now, because I just blogged on myspace. I suggest you check it out there.

I will write again tomorrow, and the next day...and every day after that, that I'm alive. Which may not be long, because I'm a junky, and I'm suicidal. I hate myself and want to die one minute, and the next minute I love myself and want to live.
The only reason I have not yet killed myself is because I don't want to kill my parents. Which I would do if I were to kill myself. They have already lost one daughter, in a car accident 5 years ago. My sister Angie was 19 when she died, and I was 20. I curse God for taking her, when she is the one who wanted to live, and I was the one who wanted to die. After Angie died, my parents told me if I were to die that they would kill themselves. My dad almost did already.
When I was seven, my grandpa killed himself at our house, and my dad found his body in our garage. That night he went out with his brothers and sisters, and got drunk. When he came home he attempeted suicide while me, my sister, and mom watched. Ever since then I have been obsessed with suicide. Everything about it I find interesting. Our family has suicide genes. There are very few Young's left because we have suicided ourselves out of existance. I find comfort in suicide. I find comfort that someday this will all stop, and I will cease to exist.
I want to finish my book before I do it tho. I am on chapter three, and I need to get my ass in gear and start writing everyday again. Since we moved from Wisconsin to Hawaii, I have been slacking on my book. I have been blogging too much. I'm afraid if I stop blogging for a day or two my readers will stop reading.
I don't know what I'm saying. Whatever nevermind. Bye

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