So today was a bit of a waste. I went down to the mall, and bought some benzos, enough to ween myself off, and yadi yadi yada. When I first got them, I took 2 pills right away. I was down to a half a benzo a day, and there I go fucking it up once again. I don't think I'll be hooked again. I mean, tomorrow if I take just a half a benzo I won't feel sick. It just doesn't work like that. At least opiate addiction doesn't work that way, benzo addiction I don't know. I've been hooked on benzos before, but I got myself off without any huge problems. This time, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna kick this shit. Its such stupid shit. I should just get my doctor to perscribe me some, and get it the fuck over with. I already told my doctor that I'm an addict, but some doctors don't have any idea about addiction, and well some doctors do perscribe addicts pain pills and benzos, sometimes even at the same time. Not all doctors, but enough. I wouldn't have to look hard to find one. I could even find a doctor to perscribe me Dilauded even tho I'm on methadone treatment, and I could get him to write me a script to 5mg Valium too.
No I'm not going to that. I don't feel like it. Plus if I find a doctor to write me Dilauded and Valium I may as well quite the clinic, and become and addict, since it would be totally legal.
Although as an addict, I know my addiction grows and grows, and sooner or later the doctor wouldn't be able to write me enought Dilauded to keep me high, and sooner or later I'd be out on the street buying H.
I know the clinic is the best place for me, and telling my councler eveything on my mind is a good thing too. Right?