Friday, November 21, 2008

Doucheing, fucking, and all that fun stuff.

My family is visiting from Wisconsin. Actually just my aunt Debbie, and she brought one of her friends from work, and her friends daughter, who is 38 and mentally challanged. She has about the IQ of 60 somthing. They flew in on Tuesday. On Wendsday morning, we met up for breakfast on the beach. Which was my frist meeting of my aunts friends. They are very nice. I like Debbie's friend. The mom of a handicap daughter. She's very sarcastic, and well I like that.
I'm not sure she likes me too much. I don't follow rules.
An example, today, we were at an ALL DAY Lu'au. All fucking day. I of course took 4 benzos with my methadone this morning, because I knew this day was going to be one long day in tourist hell. In this tourist hell there was NO place to smoke. I'm a chain smoker. I need to smoke. So I lit up. Merdith, was flabergasted. Merdith is my aunts friends name. Meridith's daughters name is Heather.

This might seem off subject, but its not. When I'm not enjoying myself, I can't pretend to. I can't smile just to make people feel better.
So today, I just had this blank look on my face, and the only fun I had was making very crude sexual remarks to our Mormon tour guide, who is from Russia. Debbie and Meridith didn't enjoy this at all. They thought I was being mean, when really all I was doing was entertaining myself.
So this all day tourist hell just ended. I just got home literlly 10 mins ago, and its 12am Hawaii time. Tomorrow I have to wake up at 5am go to the methadone clinic, and then be at my aunts hotel room, to go "swimming with the dolphines" at 9am. Which I'm actually looking forward to that part, but I'm not sure its gonna live up to my expectations. The tickets were cheap, and usually swimming with the dolphines is not cheap. So I guess we'll see.
Anyway...
The first day my Aunt and her entourage got here, it was up to me to show them around, and they wanted to see China Town, and the Palace. Yes, there is a Palace here, it used to be a monarchey. So I bring them down to China Town, and my aunt wouldn't go past a certin street because she saw a homeless person pushing a shopping cart. So I took her thru 4th St. Mall(where I pick up), which is totally fucked up. She'd go to where she knows drug deals are going down all around, but she won't go past a homeless person. Wow, closeminded people. IF she ever read this, she would be so hurt. She is sure she is open minded.
I guess we all have to keep in mind, she has never been further than Appleton Wisconsin. She's never been to an actually city with sky scrapers, and pan handelers, and yadi yadi yada. There is homeless people in Green Bay were she is from, and I was once one of those homeless people, but in Green Bay the homeless problem isn't as big as it is here in Hawaii. So you don't see the homeless that much. I guess out of sight out of mind. Which isn't good.
That day, we also went thru the Palace. Where we weren't suppose to take photos. Well my camera has a setting where I can take a photo without flash so really you can't tell that I'm taking a photo. So while in the Palace I took a few photos. Both Debbie and Merdith thought I was being so disrespectfull. I was like what the fuck. Who am I hurting. No one. I wasn't going to post them on my myspace page, but now that they said I was disrespectfull I'm gonna post them. If you'd like to see them there at www.myspace.com/ppfaceannagrace I've got a whole shit load of new photos going up on my profile tomorrow after our "swimming with the dolphines". You can see how fat and ugly I am. It'll be great.
I think tomorrow, I'm gonna take like 7 bars with my "done" so I can be nice and high when I find out all we get to do is sit up front at the dolphine show, and get to pet the dolphines belly. When I'm high, I can sorta fake happiness. When I'm on opiates, I sorta feel like I don't hate everyone so much. I don't hate myself so much either. So its really win win.
Oh yeah, we won't be going to London Sept of 09, because my mom needs to get her BA, to practice nursing in the UK, so we will probably be going to NYC. Which is totally cool with me. I always said that I wanted to live in NYC before I was 25, and I'm 25 now. So I'll have missed it by a year.
That is if I dont' suicided mysef out of existance before then, or OD myself out of existance. I want to get off my methadone before I go to NYC, so when I use the Heroin I can feel it. I miss that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you push that heroin home into your bloodsteam. I have to finish my book before I move there, tho, because if I'm using I won't be able to finish it.

Also I just wanted to put out there that I need to be fucked. I want to be fucked. I'm embarrassed of my body right now, but right now, that doesn't matter, I need a cock in my pussy or I'm gonna explode.

Thats about all I got for now folks. I should back soon. I've been blogging on Myspace more again. I don't know why. I just have been. I check myspace everyday for email, so I just post my blog there.

I know I need to cut down on my benzo intake. As soon as my aunt leaves. They all say that, but I mean it. Right? Right! Right? Riiiight!
For real, I'm gonna wean myself off em again, and I go thur that depression again. Fuck I'm always in that depression.
I need to masterbate, but I'm too tired to do it tonight. In the shower in the morning. I did douche for my frist time. I wrote about it on my myspace blog. If you'd like to read it.
So write to you later.

1 comment:

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