Saturday, November 8, 2008

I've been a bad girl today.

I told myself that I was just going to take two of those 100mg Morphines I have, and one and an half Zanax bars. It would be enough to keep me from getting sick, and it would let me have a real good time tomorrow...ya know what I mean(double dose).
Instead, I went to the park with my dog, let her play off leash, and I read my book("Her Last Death") by Susanna Sonnenberg (which I recomend mucho) and while was I there, there was a bunch of flys landing on my feet, and I was getting pissed, but I stuck it thur it for my sweet baby Elearnor. Plus the book is so good, you just do not want to put it down. So I stuck it out even longer. I think I was in the park for almost an hour, before the urge to take my 130mg dose of methadone grew too strong, and since yesterday, I made a large purchase of benzos I decided that I'd take 6 and an one half of my bars. So at the park I took my dose. Then I put the 6 and half bar in my pocket. I always wait 15 mins after taking my dose before I take my benzos, so they kick in at the same time.

So I walk from the park back to our humble apartment, and my dad is sitting on the patio all dressed up. I knew straight away that he was off to the bar, which means I will be able to get high all by myself. Of course my mom is home, but she is sleeping, and she when she wakes, she has to go straight to work.

Of course this all on the assumption that I'm gonna get high. I mean yesterday I took more than benzo than I took today, and the same amount of morphine, and it didn't even effect me.
I hate tolerance. It makes it so much more expensive to get high. Which really pisses me the fuck off.

If I don't get high, I hope that there is another House marathone on USA, to pass my time, or I could watch 50 First Dates, which was filmed here in Ohau, and see if I recognize any of the land marks.
If I do get the warm fuzzies, then I'll be happy and wont need anything else. Just my love. Opiates and benzos.

Okay, I'm nodding, and well I'm gonna have to stop this blog, or it wont any sense if I keep going.
I just.
No warm fuzzies tho. which sucks. I just want to finish this book, and accoplish somthing with my life.
God give me the streangth. Grant me the serenity. May your will be done untome;
So fare well, and until next time, help me ween off these damn benzos.
love all you who read my blog, even if you hate me.


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