Okay, its true Anonymous got to me. I am a lazy fuck up, and a drain on society. All these things I embrace about myself. All these things I like about myself. Then again, I have alot of free time, and instead of reading, or blogging all day, I could use my time to do some good. I hate people, so volunteering with people was out of the question. So I called the Human Society by the Airport and asked if they need any volunteers. They said yes, but not at that particular pound. There is a Human Society on the Leeward side, and today I'm taking the bus over their, and I'm filling out the application, and going to the training session they have today. I'm hoping I get to walk the dogs, but if I have to clean up shit, I will do that. Anonymous would want me to clean up the shit. LOL!
I'm also writing two alternative endings to my book. I have two idea's of how I want it to end. One is sad, and one is still sad, but more likely what will happen, or I might do three versions, and end it at where I am right now. Finishing my first, first draft of a book is the most productive, and meaningful thing I've done with my life so far. This book is apart of me, and it will be hard to hear criticism. I don't mind constructive criticism,but when someone trashes the book for no reason but to trash the book, my feelings will be hurt. Lately I've been cleaning the book up, re writing parts that need to have more details, and more feeling. Then they're are parts where I over did the detail, and I have to make it more structured. Then I'm sending the book off to an editor I met a while back, at a internet cafe. Her name is Kathy, and she is a writer herself. She also said when I'm finished she would bring my book to her publisher. Hip hip hooray. From their who knows what will happen. I may be finished with the first draft, but I'm not completely finished. I have alot more work to do. ALOT!!!!
I ready for it tho, and I'm looking forward to it.
So anonymous, you've never read my book, and probably only read my blog on blogger, not my real blog on Myspace, still you judge me. If you hate my writing so much, then why fucking read my blog. Unless I know you, and your trying to hold on to something that's not their. Charlie, if it is you, move the fuck on. Get the fuck over it. Stop reading my blog.
Enough about all that bullshit. Not my book, but Anonymous bullshit.
As far as my Methadone treatment, and my use of Xanax, I'm doing really good at weening myself off the Xanax. I only take one 1mg pill a day. I only take more than that is when I really need it. If I'm having a panic attack. I plan on being off the Methadone in April, so when I get to NYC I will be methadone free. Then hopefully I can chip. I don't want to get strung out again right away. I want to wait until I'm able to take care of myself financially before I become strung out. I'm also applying for SSI, SSD, with the help of legal aid. So if I get that, I can start to take care of myself, and not live off my parents. Since my welfare is cut off for this month, I have already filled out my re application and have an appointment with my welfare case worker, and I will be bringing my mental health case worker with me this time, so I don't get fucked over again. I should have gotten my welfare for my mental illness, and not my addiction. It was just easier for them to give it to me because I'm a junky, than have me evaluated by one of their psych doctors. Hopefully I get it, but I shouldn't get my hopes up too high. Maybe I won't be a drain on society after all. Just on my parents, until my book gets published. Anonymous gave me even more incentive to get the book published. So thank you Anonymous.