I've been prescribed Bi Polar medication by a doctor. It is called Lamotrigine. It was originally made to use as an anti seizure medication for epileptics. By accident they found that is a mood stabilizer for Bi Polar, suicidal, nihilistic, unworthy, people like myself.
Its late, well not really late, its midnight, and I'm watching the "The Lost Boys 2". Cheesy. I took 3mg of Xanax, and my medication which causes drowsiness. Still I'm wide awake, with a head ache on one side of my head.
Light a man a fire and he is warm for the day, light a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life. Stupid, where that came from was this damn movie. Corey Feldman just said it.
Really I don't have much else to keep anybody up on. I have been impersonating my mom on myspace. Writing blogs as her. You can tell what a narcissist I am by reading those blogs. They are pretty much about me, her view of me, as I see it. Strange. Well I guess that's three blogs I'm writing.
My own myspace blog has no readers anymore. Its like they all just disappeared. I'm sure there are a few loyal readers. I still get a few views per day, but nothing I used to get. I wonder what I'm doing different. I tried to go back and read all of my old posts, and well I just couldn't do it. I hate everything I ever written. It could all be so much better. Even with the book I'm reading, I can't go over and read it again, at least not the first 4 chapter, which I read, and read, and re read about 100 times. I have to have someone else read it to me, so I can hear it read aloud, and then I can tell where I need to fix it. My mom is good for that. She works alot now tho, and its rare that she will read it aloud for me. So reworking is taking along time. I called Kathy, the women who will be editing the book, and she has offered to read the book allowed to me, so I can make noted on what needs to be added, or deleted, etc...
Writing a book is really alot of work. I'm a lazy person by nature. Seriously this book is by far the most constructive thing I have done with my life. After I'm totally finished with this book, I had planned on writing another memoir about middle school right away, but now, I thinking of taking a break. I'm thinking of just taking time to read all day everyday. Read every author I can think of.
I must admit I've never read any Ernest Hemingway. I rented one of his books from the Library, and a few days later I was put in jail. So now I feel that Hemingway is bad luck for me.
I have read Catcher in the Rye, and really enjoyed it. I thought I would hate it, but it was the book that inspired me to write the book I'm writing now. I think its the title that kept me from reading it for so long. Finally one day I was at the library and had a list of classics I wanted to check out and read. Catcher was on that list. Along with a shit load of autobiographies, and memoirs. One Flew over the cuckoo's nest was another book on that list, and now that is probably on my top 10 favorite books list.
Catcher in the Rye made me realize how important a name of a book is. I could have been inspired by that book when I was 15 if the book had a better title. After reading the book, I understand why the book was named what it was. Still, what to name my book. I had a few working titles, but now I've decided against them all. I really want to title it I hate myself and want to die, but that was Kurt Cobain's mantra. I can't steal that from him. Can I? He has been one of the biggest influences of my life. I'm sure he's hate the fact that he influenced me. Kurt said in many interviews that he does not want people to follow in his foot steps as far as using heroin, and being a total black star part. He did want people to stop being such animals, and stop hate crimes, rapes, and he thought women should rule the world. I totally agree. Although I am a women, and that makes me biased.
I Hate Myself and Want to Die is probably been used before, and its probably been copyrighted by now. So I'll have dive into the depths of my shallow mind and pull out another plagiarized Title.
Oh yes, I saw dog the bounty hunter in the Seven Eleven I go to at least 5 time a day. He was showing a photo around of some black guy. I had never seen him, since I'm pretty much a recluse, and sit in my house or the park. I see people, but I don't look at their faces, because they disgust me. Sorry people, but you make me sick. Probably because I make myself sick.
As you can tell my obsession with the dead rock star is still running rampant. I sure would like a lobotomy. One flew over the cuckoo's nest. LOL. That was sad at the end when they gave him a lobotomy.
Oh well, I'm done wasting your time for now. Thanks for following my blog to all the new followers. When people follow my blog is one of the few things that make me feel good about myself. I have to go. Bye.