Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It's official, I'm a full fledged adult. I'm 26 years old. I've lived a life full of the beautiful, and the ugly. I've lost a sister, I was seven when my papa killed himself at our house, and the next night I watched as my father tried to kill himself. I'v fallen in love, and felt butterflys in my belly whenever he would come by, he's fallen inlove back. I've fallen in love, and he never fell in love back. I've been hurt, and I've hurt others. I used almost every drug there is, and I fell in love with one...opiates.

Each year that passes go faster and faster. Each year that passes suicide seems like a more viable option. Such selfish thoughts. I should appreciate each and every moment, experience I've had, and will have. I do appreciate each and every experience I've had. Good or bad. I lived to tell about it. After I'm dead, what would I have to expereince, aside from death? I could wast alot of talent, (lol), I could waste myself, and hurt everyone whos ever loved, or cared about me.

I herd a line on a TV show today, and it said something like, "Artist suffer because they expect instant gratification, and if that gratification isn't as good as they buildt it up in their head to be, they are beyond dissapointed. They question life itself. They question why the fuck am here? To Suffer, so others can read, see, hear....share in my suffering. Instant gratification. We talked alot about that in rehab. In order to over come our addiction we have stop expecting instant gratification.

All will come to those who wait patiently....I can't wait, I'm nodding, and can't finish. Bang, Bang

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