Sunday, February 15, 2009

my mothers reaction to my blog

I read your blogs. I am so so so sorry that you feel the way you do. Gosh Anna. I hope you aren't really going to kill yourself. Christ it would be to much to bear. I don't think my brain could handle the anguish it would split in some freaked out way. I know that you are so messed up you can't really understand what your behavior is doing to us. If you could understand I know you would't do it. Because deep down inside you are a good person. It is just you are royally messed up. Until you realize you have to want to get better before you will get better. As long as you feel everything is just fine the way it is,it not going to change. You keep your Dad and I so scared of what you might do. How could anyone do that to someone they proclaim to love. It is torture. You just don't get it. You are a total control freak. You control your Dad and I through fear. You think you have it all figured out, in the end you can just whack yourself and teach us a lesson. Fuck... ANNA you are hurting us just thinking it and staying in the drugged out stupor you so crave to be in. Yes we hope you see the world as a normal grown up adult instead of a perpetual adolecence wan-na-be. We want you to mature into a normal functioning adult. There is nothing wrong with us wanting that for you. Whenever you write you always imply that we have some control over you. ANNA that is bullshit. You are the one throwing the power around. We are like puppets in your sick fucking mind game. Yes Anna you are sick. You need help. But thats not what you want. You want to fuck with peoples minds, play the suicide card and yes Anna one God-awful day you will do it. It is part of the whole game you are playing. Fuck you can be one stupid fucked up bitch. I know you know how to play me, and I can not win. You live as you are now, I lose. You kill yourself, I lose.Or... You get some help. Not this carefully calculated bullshit you have been doing. You get out there and follow the directions and do what has to be done to make a life for yourself. Just leave Your father and I out of your bullshit. Can you do that? Do you get it Anna? If you want to off yourself. Get a life of your own, away from us. Try something, you failed at a job once so now you can never work again. Getting out and doing something that gives you some pride in your self. Yes you can write pretty dam good. But people have to like you. And for people to like you you have to like yourself. Don't block out what I'm saying telling yourself I don't understand. Just once Anna ... tell me I am right. Open up and listen. You are not going to find what you want in this life until you learn to listen. And comprehend you don't know everthing. There are things you have not expirenced . There are so many things for you to learn. If you could just face that growing up is not such a terrible thing. God please, please please just try. Erin

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