Tuesday, March 17, 2009

to be fucked...........

I suck at this writing thing. I had fooled myself into believing that I had some kind of talent for the written word, but fuck it, I have to face the facts, and realize that I have NO talent whatsoever. I'm about as useless a human being as can be.

I like to write, and its the only constructive thing I do, read and write, but I'm not good at, I'm not even average at it, I suck at it.

Please anyone who reads this, do not say I'm good when you know I suck. Don't try to make me feel better.

I plan on going to school to make myself better at writing. That is if I can even get into school, and pay for it, and stay off dope long enough to learn anything about writing to make me a better writer.

I've run out of my Bi Polar meds...the ones that keep from getting depressed, and I only have the Lithium left which keeps me from going into a mania.

I can't go back to Wisconsin, I can't go back to Wisconsin not on Methadone. I just feel like there is NO fucking meaning to life, and who knows the world may end December 21st 2012.

I'm so sick of this, this excuse of a life I lead. I want to change my life, but I'm being pulled back to Wisconsin, where I do not want to go at all.


Gledwood said...

Come on Anna! You write in a perfectly clear style that always holds my attention. Yes I know ther are writers who spew out prose that's almost poetry it's so ... well, up its arse, shall we say? I can never keep my focus on stuff like that. And I find writers who constantly try too hard really wearing. Bear in mind most of the bestselling writers in the world write in a simple, straightforward style just like you do and cheer yourself up! Of course you can improve yourself ~ we all can. That's what life's about. But don't have such a downer on yourself. Your biggest head start is that you obviously have lots to say ~ and let's face it: many of the more world's more literary showoff writers don't even have that!

Anonymous said...

I love the way you write,
I always read your blogs
in here and in myspace
theyre so interesting..
hope ur doing ok.

AnnaGrace said...

I told you not to console me. My writing will never meat the criteria I need it to. It has to be perfect, and everything I write is sooooo far from perfect, that it makes me want to stop blogging and making a fool of myself, and go back to journal writing only. I still write in my journal, but no nearly as much as I did before I got this hi tech lap top, where my journal could be read and judged by the public.
I have a few haters, but I also have a 25 followers, but its as if like, if you read my blog, I'll read your blog. Exception the people who just have an account to read blogs, and don't write blogs.
Ahhh, fuck this is mean.
Thank you, every single one of you who reads my blogs, and encourages me.
I'm sorry I contradict myself every other sentence. I am one big conduction.
So even tho I told you not to console me, thank your...to those of you did console me. Glenwood, and Marty, I know anonymous is Marty. It has to be. If its not marty, than thank you anon, your sweet as chocolate, milk chocolate, not dark chocolate.

Anonymous said...

Im not marty
but if u wanna call me marty
its ok(?)
things that are perfect,
are boring.
reading yours blogs
is fascinating.
the way you describe things
in a such real way
im not trying to console you,
I dont even know you
Im only telling the truth
take care.