Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What kind of man would want to date me? Seriously they would have to have some f'd up reason. I'm nutz.

I've been busy lately. Today I had a three hour phone conversation with Social Security Disability, and Social Security Insurance. I doubt I'll get I it. I have to wait six months to find out if I even get it, and if I get denied, I won't even be in Hawaii to go back to Legal aid, and get help me appeal the denial. Then I went to work out, this evening, after getting a phone call from a guy I met on the myspace. He's in the army...like every 20to 30 year old white male is here on Oahu. After he is out of the army he is going into med school. He emailed me a week ago, and said something to like, "I would like to get to know you, your interesting, and honest, and I like that. So I replied, Who the fuck is Joe, and did you not read my profile, I'm on methadone and I have sex drive. Of course I wrote him a long email, telling every reason under the sun that he would not want to meet me, or even be my friend, much less have sexual relations with me.

Still he persisted, and even gave me his phone number. Then I convinced myself that he was a serial killer. I seem to attract serial killer types. He's obviously brilliant, and he read in between the lines of my blogs, and figured out how I could please my father, the one thing I want to do more than anything. Its something I think all girls want to do. Daddy's little girl. (that is if your father was present during your childhood, if he wasn't then girls have even worse daddy issues.)

This guy is in the Military...Army, he is smart, he's going to med school, he is my dad's dream guy for me. He doesn't use drugs, he smokes ciggies, and I'm sure he drinks, but no like a fish. He seems like my total opposite. So this morning I was going thru and deleting all the emails that had amassed on my myspace inbox, and I read his emails again, and I decided to write him one more time, and I gave him my mom's cell phone number. I told him to call me tonight after 5 so it would be for sure after my phone appointment with SSI, and SSDI didn't expect him to call, but sure enough he did. We had, a short pleasant conversation, I told him I'd call him later tonight if I felt like going out, but after my workout I was tired, sweaty, and had to do my laundry. I had nothing to wear out. So I didn't call him. I plan on emailing him, and meeting him at a Internet cafe, because he only has Internet on his phone, and he cannot add me to his friends list, which is private. He says he can't add me, so I'm going to take him to an Internet cafe and getting him to add me to his friends list, so I can read about him.

I've seen his photo, the one he has as his profile photo, and he looks cute, handsome enough to me. Still serial killers look just like everyone else. I also her that everyone in the military are fuck ups, and they enrolled into the military because they had no other options. I've considered the military, but my father would not allow it.

I know that my dad had to do something with the drug cartels in Columbia, and that he was taken prisoner and tortured, and that he had to blow a guys head off. He won't talk about, but one day, after my suicide attempt, we were driving to feed the horses, and I asked what happened, and he said, he was commander or whatever, the lead guy, and they were watching what the drug cartels were doing, keeping at a distance, but on a routine check of the area by the cartel workers they found my dad and his Platoon or whatever its called. They took my dad and one other guy, the two people who had the most info, and tortured them for it. The only reason he lived is because one of the guys got loose he took his gun and literally blew the head off the guy who was torturing my dad, and my dad said that at least once a week since that happened over 26 years ago. He said it looked like a watermelon exploding. It was the most terrifying moment in his life. Even after my dad was done be tortured there was more hand to hand combat until back up came in, and medivacced my dad and three other guys away, and two of the guys died. My dad feels like it was his fault that those two men died. He feels that he should have been at a further distance so that the cartels people wouldn't have noticed that they were surveying them.

Gawd, I always digress while writing. This blog was suppose to about this guy who wants take me out on the town. I told him that I'm not really into guys, and I really more looking for a friend. He said that was fine by him. So tomorrow, I'll probably call him tomorrow,and tell him to meet me at the Internet cafe by my parents apartment.

I guess if he is a serial killer and raper, I'll have to take my chances. Maybe I'll bring my dad along so he doesn't try to make a pass at me. LOL!

Ahh shit, I have to go to a pysch appointment tomorrow. Well, the cafe is open till 10pm. If its meant to be, it will happen, if not then it won't happen.

I'll update those few of you who are listening to this rambling.

1 comment:

Gledwood said...

your dad was an antidrugs warlord in Columbia? wow!
hey I heard they make really nice white "#4" heroin out there, have you ever had any?
i haven't forgotten the story i PROMISED to publish, i have to warn you it's about suicidal behaviour which is why i didn't want to be 2 glib about it