Saturday, April 25, 2009

today the day after the ordeal.

This morning we woke, and found that our door opened properly. Still my parents are very freaked out by the situation, and want to move our of Hawaii asap. Which is bad for me. I have no idea what in the world will happen with all my psych treatments, and Methadone treatment. In Wisconsin they don't have health insurance for the poor, and homeless in Wisconsin, and just getting my Methadone cost 100 dollars A WEEK. The medication I need for my Bi Polar costs 100's of dollars a month, not to mention the therapy, and Psychologist appointments. Going back to Wisconsin is pointless for me. Not to mention I have legal issues that have not been cleared up. Which of course my dad thinks he can fix by just calling a lawyer.

Weird things have still been happening, but nothing as dangerous as the door being screwed shut, and fire lit outside our kitchen window. This evening I went to seven eleven and got a pack of smokes, by myself (which the police had warned us not to do), but I was in desperate need of a smoke so I made my down. I got to the sidewalk, and pushed the walk button, when some guy ran up to me, and pinned me against the post, and said, "you can't toy with me like some cat. I know you are attracted to me and want to have sex with me." I wash in shock and my heart was pounding so hard I thought this guy could hear it. At first I didn't know what to say. I had never seen this man in my life. He was in his late 20's early 30's, with blonde hair down to his chin. He wasn't ugly by any means. It took me a few seconds to come back with a retort that would get him to unpin me from the post. So I said, "I'm sorry, but I have no clue who you are, and I have not toyed with you in any way deliberately. I'm a lesbian, I am only sexual attracted to women." By those words he was stunned, he backed away from me, and yelled, "You will atone for you sins, may God have mercy on your soul." As he ran away from me.

As you can imagine my adrenaline was pumping, so I ran into seven eleven, and used the lady at the counter's cell phone to call my mom. I told her to come down to and get me. There was no way I was leaving that store alone.

While waiting for my mom, I racked my brain to find an image of this man that pinned me against the post. I do believe I have seen him before, I've seen him inside the seven eleven I was in, and sitting outside on the stoop of our apartment building a number of times, but never really payed much attention to him. At most I may have smiled and nodded my head at him to say quick hello.

My mom gets to the Seven Eleven, and we are wondering if we should call 911. I wasn't in immediate danger anymore, and the man was long gone. So we decided against calling the police, and instead my mom walked me home, and I gave a description of the man who had accosted me to our door man, and told him to keep an our for him. He was wearing a red T-shirt with a picture of the Hawaiian Islands on it, he had black swim trunk shorts on, and blonde hair, down to his chin, with a above average looking face, but was insane in the membrane. (remember that song?)

When I got back to the apartment, I thought to myself, wtf is this attractive crazy guy obsessing over me for? I'm over 200lbs, I've given up on putting on makeup, except for the black eye liner and eye shadow I can't leave the house without. I sweat profusely from the Methadone. I shower at most once a week, and my hair is literlly a mess, with snarls all over. I mean come on, the photos of myself on my blog are the photos that I thought were the best, and those photos are not the most attractive photos ever. You can tell I'm alot fatter than I was just a year and a half ago, form my pictures on my Myspace profile.

Aside from the stranger danger that happened this evening, I haven't done much. I found out that my welfare is being cut off, I'll still get my health insurance, and food stamps. Which means my benzo habit has to stop. It has to stop. My Methadone treatment has to stop, and I need to loose weight, which I do every time I move out on my own, or in with a boyfriend, or girlfriend. Its like when I live with my parents all I do is eat, and me and dad have stopped working out about a Month ago. I have to start that up again, but who knows maybe that is where I this guy who thinks I'm toying with him like a cat is from.

Next time anything like that happens, or if I see him again, I'm gonna scream at the top of my lungs, and I can scream very loud, like break your ear drums loud, and not leave the apartment without my mom or dad. Which sucks.

I'm so pissed at myself for putting up photos of my apartment, and other photos that anyone who lives in Honolulu could figure out where I live. Even though they don't exactly which apartment I live in. Unless I did, and don't remember. From now on I'm going to be extremely vague when it comes to where I live, and what I do during the day, and at what time.

Eleanor is coming with me and my mom and dad every time we leave the house. Making sure that nobody hurts my baby girl.

I must go, but I will write more sooner rather than later.

Anna Grace


Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hiya Anna,

If I don't always leave a comment I will at least let you know i've read your post... so in future when you see: READ!!! it's me. ;)

What's that about you HAVE to stop your methadone treatment??? When or Why? You've some fucked up health laws over there.

BW, Shane.x

Anonymous said...

LOL, you don't have to feel obligated to leave a comment. Thanks thought.

I'm getting off the Methadone because 1) I want to get high again 2)because Hawaii is the only state in the US that has Universal Health Care, so here all my medical, psychological, and addiction problems are paid for by the state and Federal government.
On the mainland, if you don't have a job, even if you do have a job, you don't get health care paid for in amy form unless it comes from your pocket.
So I'm trying to get off because in July when I go back to the mainland,either the state of Wisconsin or the state of Washington I will have to pay to get my Methadone treatment. Which in Wisconsin cost $100 per week. I'm not sure how much it is in Washington State, but I'm sure it's not free, because the federal government doesn't fund drug maintenance treatment,nor does private insurance. 3)By getting of Methadone I want to loose at least 100 lbs, so I can be 140lbs (my average weight again). I'm sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin physically and mentally.
These are the reasons I am trying to get off Methadone treatment, it is partly because of the fucked up health care laws here in the "great" USA.

Universal Health Care is much needed here in America. Canada has it, and it is working out very well for them. I'd rather the taxes I pay, (or my parents pay) go towards universal health care, than all thee unnedded government funded programs. I don't mind my taxes paying for education, I wish more of the tax money went to education, and universal health care.
Our new President is for Universal Health Care, but the republican party is completely against it. Thank goodness Democrats are the majority in the senate, and congress. So their is a chance that the US will have universal health care in my life time. That is if I live to see 40, which my psychological Dr. told me I wouldn't live to see 40, because I had let my Bi Polar go for so long that no matter how much medication they prescribe me, my brain chemistry may be unchangeable, even with medication. Not to mention my brain has been rewired by the opiate addiction.

Wow, I wrot my a fucking blog post in my comment back.

If you could take this comment, and show me how I could have made it more entertaining to read.
If your too busy, which it seems you are from your last post. So if you do have spare time, I'll take all the help I can get, and if you don't have the time I totally understand.

With Love,
Anna Grace

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hi Anna,

I don't feel obligated, but many times I readthe post and then leave... so in future, even if I don't leave a proper comment I'll at least let you know i've read the post.

I won't take this comment to re-arrange, I'll search one of your old blog posts. Give me a few days though.

Go to that link and create a profile. You'll be able to listen free to the Tindersticks there. Not always the full song, but almost.

We'll speak again soon, Shane. x

Anonymous said...

Thanks for looking thur my blogs to see if you can help me, and I will wait as long as it takes to get insight from the all powerfull heroinhead. Just kidding. I should say the best written blog I've read is yours.

Thanks for the info on the Tindersticks, but I forgot to tell you I found them on Itunes, and downloaded one full album for a mere 9 dollars on my parents pay pall account.

I absolutly love them. I have even blogged about them on a music blog I blog on. Which I usually only talk about new bands I found on my own by research, but I even gave you props for introducing me to this band, and a link to your blog.

You deserve it for introducing me to such great music.

Thanks Shane.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Glad you are all right. I thought of you and worried over the weekend.

That guy sounded scary. Remember to call the police when in doubt.

Much love.

sydney_savage said...

Damn - thats some scary stuff going on. I hope everything turns out ok. I bet its someone your dad pissed off at the bar or something.

I live in Seattle. We don't have any sort of universal healthcare - even for very sick people. My Dad has MS and had to sue his insurance agency to even grant him LT disability. So, for addiction... I'm thinking you may be out of luck. Although, I hear the heroin in good here... I;ve never tried it - knew plenty of ppl who have though. Lane Staley died from it - or whatever. Anyhow, if you want to be clean - stay away from Cap Hill. ;) Take care Anna.