Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Just when you think your sick of my blogs, you get even sicker of them.

Sorry no blogs for a while. I haven't even been logging on to the internet lately. Just yesterday my parents found that they cannot get a loan to build the house they had wanted to build in Wisconsin. So now they are looking for homes to rent in Wisconsin. I asked why they had to move back to Wisconsin, why not move to a different state on the mainland. What the big draw to Wisconsin is, I don't know. They grew up there, their entire lives. My parents are getting old, my dad's family has a history of dieing young. I don't think one guy one my dad's side of the family has live past 65. My mom's family on the other hand lives long long lives. My great grandma died at the ripe old age of 100 years old. My grandma Grace is now 83 and as healthy as an Ox.

The reason my mom and dad state for moving back to Wisconsin, is because my grandma Grace is getting old, and she wants to with her when she dies. My grandma has another 20 years in her. She works out every single day, eats super healthy, goes gambling with her friends. Hold parties at her house still.

Its my dad, he thinks since he hates Hawaii so much, that any other state would suck. I keep telling him that there is other states in the USofA that are alot like Wisconsin. They have spring, summer, fall, and winter...with snow. Wisconsin is not the only state in America with seasons.
Still there is no talking them out of it. They are going back to Wisconsin. Renting a house, God only knows where in the state.

I on the other hand, will be moving to Seattle. My plane ticket only cost me 211 dollars. I bought it already. I fly out August 1st. I've decided to start school in the winter semester. I need to get a job, and get the lay of the land before I go to school. I talked with SCCC and everything is settled. This also gives me time to apply for Financial aid, and grants in Washington, so my parents don't have to pay for one penny...I hope.

As for my Methadone, I was going down 1mg every 3 days, and I got to 117 from 130 mgs, and I stopped at 117 mgs to stable out. I had been having using dreams, and every night I could tell when my Methadone was wearing off, I would get watery eyes, runny nose, yawning alot, my legs would ache, and by the morning I was so sick that nothing else mattered aside from getting the methadone in my body.
Finally last week I asked the doctor to bring me back up to 125 mgs. It took the doctor a week to accept my request, because our regular doctor is on vacation, so the Methadone doctor form the big island aka the island named Hawaii is flying here to the island of Oahu once a week to take care of us methadone patients.

Another reason I haven't been on the puter so much lately is because I have been really low on my Xanax. Well actually I was low on Valium, when I last bought Valium was all that was on the street. I didn't care as long as I had something to keep me from getting sick. I had all this money saved up for my next big buy, and every time I went to see if any one was holding, or called my go to person, everyone was out. The main man who supplies all the people I go thru kept saying he was done with benzo's. It wasn't worth the risk for the money. 2 dollars per pill, when he could be selling Opiates, and get 10-20 dollars per pill. Finally the day after Memorial day, I went downtown looking around, and I noticed that all the cops that had been patrolling the streets vigilantly the past month, has died down, and now all the usually suspects were lingering around looking for someone who was holding. I went up to those usual suspects, and we were all asking each other if any of us had any benzo's, opiates, opioid, sommoas, etc... None of us had anything. So I walk away from the pack, and I take out my cell phone, and give my person a call. I had been calling all morning, and I kept getting a busy signal.

When my person answered the phone, I felt elated that I even got thru to this person. When this person said, your in luck, I was running to my car to go to the arranged pick up spot. I had 80 dollars. By the time I got to the meeting place, my person was out their waiting for me, and we made the exchange of cash and pills, and made small talk for a few seconds, and I was off on my way home.

When I got home, I felt a bunch of stress come off my shoulders. Still, I have all the stress of moving, getting a place to live. Eleanor!!!! school, getting on a methadone clinic when I get there. I've been toying with the idea of going into detox in July, and use bupronorphine to get off the Methadone, so I don't have to worry about how much it will cost to get Methadone. Of course this could be a bad thing, because then I could get high off H, and I could spiral out of control in weeks if not days.

Instead of writing about this on my blog, I've been writing about in my journal. I've written about this too many times on my blog. A person can only listen to a person piss and moan for so long until it gets sickening. I've been waiting to post when something interesting happens, or when I know more about whats going to happen when we move. Fuck its only a few weeks we have left in Hawaii, and my parents don't have a place to live, I don't have a place to live, nothing is packed. I don't have much to pack at all. Just clothes and a few books. Unlike my parents who brought everything they own here to Hawaii.

I'm glad to be getting away from my parents. That will be the best part of all this worrying, sleeplessness, heartburn, comfort eating, etc...
I will be alone with my dog, and we will make a life for our selves. Which means I can leave when I feel like without anyone asking me where I'm going, and when I'll be back, and making me promise I will not use drugs while I'm gone. I won't have to remind them that I'm already on drugs...Methadone. No more three people smoking in a small apartment with a dog with little lungs in the place. No more me and Elle locking up in my bedroom, so the smoke doesn't overwhelm us.

Oh yes, and one more thing. I got a call from Social Security offices telling me that I'm not eligible for SSDI because I have a warrant out for my arrest. My legal aid lady told me that if its only a misdemeanor I can still get SSDI, it only if its a felony that I can't get it. All this time I had thought that my warrant was a misdemeanor, but now some lady calls and tells me that it might be a felony. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Just when you think it can't get any worse.


Kat Skratch said...

As long as you write your blogs for you and don't care what anyone thinks, you can't say we're sick of em. We wouldn't be here if we were. :)
Glad to hear your coming my direction! You should let me know when you get here, and if you need someone to talk to. New places are scary. I love it here though.
Anyway, I'm off to bed. Awaiting your next post...


Gledwood said...

wisconsin? I don't even know where that is!!

AnnaGrace said...

Thanks Kat Skratch! I would love to meet you in the real world. I'm so scared I think I might shit my pants. Moving sucks, and moving someplace forigen alone sucks even more.

Getting a job in this economy is even more frightening.

Lots of Love

AnnaGrace said...


If you get a map of the United States, Wisconsin is between Minnasota, and Michigan, Minnasota is on the right, and Michigan is on the left.

Have you ever herd of the great lakes.

I don't know where anything but London is in the UK. Althought the UK is pretty small, and isn't Scottland and Whales on the same patch of land?

What states do you know in America?

Your question os flippin funny.

Lots of love

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I am glad you are going to Seattle, Anna. I think it will be great for you.

I am starting a new life too. I am moving to a new house this weekend and separating from my husband of 15 years.

Here is to luck and happiness in our new lives!

Much love,


Anonymous said...

You are a fat, ugly sorry excuse for a human being. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It makes me sick how people that are perfectly capable of getting a job, would rather sit on their FAT ASSES and DO DRUGS all day collecting money from the government rather than work. You are welfare trash and you deserve everything bad that happens in your life.

AnnaGrace said...


Wow, good luck with everything. Change is a scary thing, but its a good thing. I know you will find happiness. Your a sarcastic bastard, and woman, how could not have a happy life?


AnnaGrace said...


Thanks for opinon. Have a great day. I'm glad to know your keeping up with my blog. Its so refreshing.

All my love to you and your family
OH yes, and thanks for your tax dollars, they are being well spent.

Anonymous said...

Ana, you ARE a fat pig and you ARE a butter finger junkie!
WTF is up with your thinned out orange t-shirt in the pictures on your blog and that jedi looking hairdo? Get off your fat ass and get off the couch and your bed and go for a walk... and I don't mean to the corner to cop! The picture of you at the top of your blog is lovely and you could be a pretty girl if you got off drugs and MMT!

AnnaGrace said...

Anon #2,

Thanks for reading my blog. Your opinon is valued. I was high in the picture on the top of my blog, and I weigh the same amount as I did in that picture as I did in the other pictures.

You see I do get off my couch, and bed every day, and even go to a gym. Haven't done so for a few weeks because of other pressing matters I must do. I even go snorkeling. Its fun, you should try it. Although I went to the doctor yesterday and I found out I have swimmers ear. Yikes it hurts.

Sorry I don't wear the uniform you think I should.

Butterfingers and Heroin there is no better combination in the world. You should try it.

Again thanks for reading. You sure are a sweet person. I wish I could meet you, have fat free coffee and talk about what uniform I should wear. Feel free to set a date, and I'll be there.

All my love,

Brother Frankie said...

pretty lady, i havent forgot about you. im gonna comment, just in a bad spot past few days..

Remember, you are still loved.:)

Gledwood said...

OK re the UK

it's one pretty small island with a population of 60,000,000 which is the same as France ~ compare the geographical size of France and you'll see how crowded an isle the UK is

yes Wales is to the bottom left, a kind of inverted C shape; Scotland's basically the top 40%

London is a lemon-shaped conglomeration to the bottom right. It's 20 miles N-S and 30 miles East to West and has 7.5-10 million people depending where you stop counting.

Yes I know the great lakes: don't they have the USA at the bottom and Canada at the top..? They're really big and are meant to be a top destination for camping holidays? I'd love to go there. They're like an American version of Finland.

I'd love to see the United States for so many reasons... New York City especially, but also swathes and swathes of the natural landscape appeal to me.

Culturally I'm glad to be European. Yes our continent is smaller and more densely populated, but I love the cultural diversity. My attitude and outlook is fairly unique as a Brit because I spent years specializing in European languages, hence I have a very different point of view to the average.

I'll never forget at the start of my 2nd year of university I met this American guy on a 1-year exchange. He was really sound. On his 1st night over, he had sex with this American girl (cheerleader type) of course she was also a university student, so can hardly be declared "thick" but you should have seen the look on her face when a third person entered the kitchen, an exchange from Germany and me and this other girl started babbling in Central European dialect. The American girl looked totally gobsmacked, like this was the bizzarest thing ever ~ and yet I was doing a degree in German!! It was then that I realized the most insular Americans are even more sheltered in outlook than the worst of us Brits, which I just find amazing.

Then you hear that barely 20% of Americans have passports and such and such a percentage have ever travelled so far or so such and such places. But if you measured on a map of comparison the average Brit's summer hols journey to Spain or Greece and comapred on an American map where your countrypeople go it would be equivalent to a journey e.g. from NYC to Florida

And that's another aspect of us British I hate ~ the tendency to sneer

I wish you all the best with your future travels Anna-Grace. I'm leaving the country to German-speaking lands so in the near future hopefully we'll both be away from home...