Sunday, May 17, 2009

My poor father, wanting to sheild me from everything, including life.

Guess what "great" idea my father has come up with to save me from the savages of a jail cell for seven months or longer. He wants me to fly back to Wisconsin with them, purchase a criminal attorny who "will fix all my legal problems", and I will only be in jail overnight. My dad is sure of it. He doesn't realize how the legal system works. There is no way the DA or judge will grant me singature bond, it will be cash bond probably between 2,000 dollars, and 5,000, or they could not grant me bail at all. Which would mean I would sit in jail awating for my time in court, which could last up to six months. Which is longer than my original sentence of seven months with good time, would be 5 and half months.

As those readers who are on Methadone treatment know, the withdrawl from Methadone can last from 1month up to 3 months, and I've even herd horror stories that their withdrawl from Methadone lasted a full year. A full year of insomina, dreams about drugs when you do catch a wink of sleep. Without sleep for seven days your brain shuts down, and you die. So you will sleep, but no good, and not for long, just long enough to keep my brain alive. Anyway, I will be living inside a body whos brain is not producing enough dopamine, and other such endorphines to keep me the least bit positive. My parents time line for us moving back to Wisconsin, doesn't leave me enough time to detox properly, so I will have to suffer throught the tourters I brought upon myself by becoming an addict in the first place.

In stead of wasting my money I'm getting from Finacial aid on Xanax, I'm gonna save it up to buy my own plane ticket to Washinton. I'll go to couch, and stay with people, until I get a job, and make enough money to rent an apartment. Perhaps I'll live in Olympia, and just sit in on Evergreen State College English Lit classes, and learn how to write from them. Also I'll buy my first cheap, pawn shop electric guitar, and I will only call my parents after they realize that they don't need me to live.

It is what I have to do. I'm going over to Washinton states healthcare website, and see how I can keep getting my bi polar meds, and see a therapist. See if I can get my meds for cheaper if not free. I'm going to look up Methadone clinics, and see how much it cost to be on Methadone per month. Just find out everything about Washinton State as I can. Even if I have to put off going to school in Seattle until the winter semester. I have to what I have to do.

Oh yes, and there is a way you could help me make clicking on the ad I have in the margin on the right of my blogs, the same side as my pictures. Every day its a diffrent ad. If everyone who reads my blog on a daily basis, clicks on my ad I could make pretty okay money. At least enough for food, and the such while on my treak to find myself. Don't worry to those of you who think I'm going to start using H as soon as I get their. I won't, I can't. I can't afford it finacially, or mentally at this point.

Living without my dog Eleanor is going to be heartbreaking to me. I will feel like I've abondonded her yet again. If only Eleanor liked people and other dogs, but she doesn't. She hates it when people try to pet her, and she only lets dogs sniff her after she has sniffed them up and down. Couch surfing with Elle, would be too much on her, plus she would miss the daily routine my parents and I have set and she is used to. Elle turns 4 on June 6th.

God, my book is going to about all the times I've let Eleanor down. With no time to make it up, by the time the book is done.
I need to write some fiction, see if can do it. See if I can do it well, and readers want to read it. We will see, won't we.

I have more to write, but will not do so right now. I may post again later tonight. Remeber I'm on Hawaii time, 6 hours behind Eastren time. I have no idea what time zone London is in. Wish I did.

To everyone who reads this post, and to those who have read most my posts, thank you are words, that don't express what it means to me. The people who comment, giving me advice, and keeping me from going into the black hole of my mind. You are what I'm living for right now. Your what is keeping me alive. Keeping the breath in my lungs, and words in my head. I love you. I need you, I'm happy to have you.

All my love,
Anna Grace


Kat Skratch said...

We're happy to have you too! :)

There are clinics here in WA state... One in Olympia. :)

As I said, if you come (when you come) I'll be happy to make your acquaintance. You'll love it here. I do.

Good luck with the jail nonsense. And don't listen to your dad... The legal system WILL catch you and chew you up. Look out for yourself.


sKILLz said...

Yoooo Anna homegirl we need to talk here.
Let me tell you, you might feel "stuck" but there are many other ways out.

As far as the Methadone "horror stories" EVERYONE is different and everyone goes threw withdrawal different!
Just because one person had it bad does NOT mean you will.

I agree with you on your dad not knowing the legal "system" ( if you want to call it that )
they will catch you one way or another.
It might take years but once your in the system your fucking IN! Believe me!!
Yo stay Up!

Fishwhiskers said...

Heyy Anna, great to read this. You've made your mind up and that's good. Don't worry about the drugs dreams, I still have them, but you learn how to deal with them. You can do this and develop into the great writer you want to be. You're already brilliant at it, otherwise we wouldnt be reading your blog now, would we? Just keep going ... it's going to be ok!! Love Fishy xx

Anonymous said...

Ana, can you post a pic of Elanor?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Everything is going to be alright, Anna.

Hang in there.



Anonymous said...

You are a fat, ugly sorry excuse for a human being. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It makes me sick how people that are perfectly capable of getting a job, would rather sit on their FAT ASSES and DO DRUGS all day collecting money from the government rather than work. You are welfare trash and you deserve everything bad that happens in your life.