Oh my fucking god, did I go through drugy hell today. I woke up at 6am, so I could get down to Fort Street Mall and see if I could catch anyone holding any Xanax. Not a single person had any. When went up to ask someone if they knew who had, they thought I said, "I have Xanax". Which then suddenly I have every single person in the Fort Street Mall around me offering to buy 2 for 5 dollars, when normally Xanax goes for 2 dollars a piece. After I corrected everyone and told them I was just asking if any was holing Xanax for ME to buy.
Soon after that diabolical, I saw J who made a phone call on my phone, and promised me I could get Xanax from his person. So we walk down to the park, and I sit outside the park because I don't this person. I had already tried my person, but that was a bust. So I gave Jake my money, and told him if he came back with 40 Xanax I would give him five for free. He tells me to meet him in the market place. I wait 20-30 minutes, and finally I see him, he hands me this pill bottle full of pills that look no benzo I've ever seen, I mean they look NOTHING, I MEAN NOTHING EVEN BENZO RELATED I HAVE EVER SEEN. So I take the pills out of the bottle, and look at it, and read the letters and numbers on them, and right away I can tell that they are fucking Vicoden. J was like I don't believe that he, person he goes through all the time, would rip him off. So J had to call poison control to confirm that these pills were not benzo, but hydrocodone aka Vicoden. The bottle I got them in said Vicoden right on the mother fucking label. J was trying to pull one over on me, or he really was that fucking stupid. I had, had it and I was livid. I drove J to the clinic so he could NOT get away from me and rip my ass of. I don't for minute think that J even cracked out no sleep J didn't realize that those pills were Vicoden, and not Xanax bars. Any pill head, junky knows what the good pills look like and what letter and numbers they have on them, same for the fake pills . J underestimated my knowledge of pharmaceutical pills. So we go into get our Methadone, I went in first, so he couldn't dose first and then run down the stairs and hide on me. Nope I wasn't letting J out of my sight. I waited by the room we come out of after we dose. I walked behind J, making sure he got into my car, and making sure he called his guy and they set up a spot where they could meet up. I walked up to J's guy, and listen to J tell his guy that he called poison control and they told him for sure that these pills are Vicoden. Worth a dollar piece on the street. Nobody wants Vicoden. Not even people who are sick will take Vicoden, because there is not enough opiate in the pill to make them better.
J knew I wasn't going home without getting my money back or 40 Xanax bars. I was not allowed into J dealers place(which I should have made them let me in, because it was my fucking money.) Like the idiot that I am, I gave back all the vicoden back to J, and let him go upstairs to get either my Xanax or my 80 dollars back. J was up in his guy's apartment for 10 minutes.
J comes down, and we start walking towards Fort Street, the whole while I'm yelling at him what did you get, did you get pills or did you get my 80 dollars. he says wait till we get to the bus stop so we can sit down. Now I'm pissed, and I knew he ripped me off, and was the biggest loudest bitch to him, as I could be. J and I are friends, friends don't rip off friends( unless of course they are sick) J is sick! So finally we get to the bus stop and take our seats, when J tells me he could only get 60 of the 80 dollars back, plus he gave me THREE, FUCKING THREE Xanax bars, six dollars worth of pills. Now I know that J's guy had bars enough to sell, and J got the bars with his money, plus stole 20 dollars from me, because said his guy was short on the pills I gave him back. Bullshit, WTF am I going to do with his useless Vicoden. Nobody wants Vicoden. Perhaps Morphine 100s or 200's. that I could work with, but I don't want to be in the selling business.
The ONLY thing everyone at Fort Street is looking for is Xanax bars or footballs which are one milligram Xanax. Most people don't have enough money to buy 100mg or 200mg Morphine. 10 dollars a pill. 10 dollars could buy a person 5 xanax bars.
So J and I go back to my car where he left his back pack, which he forgot to mention he had a crack pipe in. The backpack was in the front so if (God forbid) a police man would have pulled me over I would get an open 5 just for that pipe, not including what was in the pipe J jumps in the car, and asks me to drive him to bum fuck Egypt, and I told him to go fuck himself. Instead I turned onto Kind St. and waited till we hit a red light and I'd kick his ass out of the car, the whole ride down King St. I was ripping J a new asshole because I knew, I KNEW that J had the rest of Xanax in his little pouch. I should have pulled over, and made J look through all things in front of me until I found his stash, and I should have took back my 20, and took a handful of his benzos. J is homeless, so he carries everything with him. I should have done all these thing to J for the shit he put me thru, but I have a soft spot J, and for all junkies. I dropped J off at the first red light, where he would go and sell his 33 Xanax bars for 5 buck for two bars, and have that extra twenty he says his guy would give me back. At this point in time Xanax is so scarce that J can get 2.50 per bar. Which is the going rate right now in the Fort Street Mall for Xanax it is so fucking scarce.
We, as myself and my family only have 38 days left on this island. Then its off to the mainland.....where I have no idea where to find Xanax, much less any other kind of benzo. So I'm going to go into benzo withdrawal big time. I won't die, goodness sake I'm immune to death after trying too many times to off myself, and putting myself at risk to become HIV+, and whatever else I've done that could have gotten me killed. I know I shouldn't take it for granted, but a suicidal depressed person does take it for granted. One day at a time, one second at a time.
Now if don't mind I'm going to go off on a totally different subject. A boring one, so beware. Also beware just because your paranoid doesn't mean they are not after you!
I truly believe that the government switched to this HD thingy so they can have small camera's put in our homes to spy on us. With patriot act there is no reason they couldn't have. The CIA who brings over the Heroin from Afghanistan puts small chips in every gram, so there know where we are at every moment. Us "useless, pointless, should be killed human beings". Thank the CIA for this country's drug problem.
Big brother is watching, and its watching even closer now. On the streets they have cameras everywhere. There is not one angle they can't pull a close up of you face, and scan it through facial recognition files. .
I'm kidding around. These things are true, and its happening every single moment of every day. Even if you have your TV off they can still watch you through the converter box, or if you have cable its in the boxes they give you.
So when your token up watching The Flintstones, or your shooting H into your veins and a TV box is near the government knows. The only reason they don't inform us of this, is because of the mass hysteria it would cause.
I may sound crazy, and I am crazy...but this, this man is true.
They are even reading this as I write it. God damn Patriot Act! They were probably doing it before, the Patriot act, but those who were hip to the government and their ways, were eliminated, but now they don't have to kill us because its not against the motherfucking law.