Friday, March 19, 2010

spoild child/adult

Lastnight I did think about suicide, but talked myself off the ledge. If I'm going to do it I have to use my own Methadone. I cannot take my fathers Oxycodone's. So those of you worried about my killing myself withing the next few days don't worry. I have a few weeks if not a couple of months to save up my take homes.

While I'm waiting on killing myself, I'm going to make plans to go on with life. I'm going to apply on line to Hawaii Pacific University, in Honolulu. I've been told that SSI would pay for my schooling, but I'm not positive of this. I have not seen any offical papers saying the goverment would pay for my education. I would be a returing adult student. Perhaps school will lift my spirits, and let me do my art, let me learn, give me a reason to go on.

I'm also writing my living Grandmother, and asking her to borrow 7,000 dollars to get on my feet. I've writen the letter, but I have to re write it as I think I went into too much detail about why my parents cannot help me get on my feet. I went on and on about how they don't want me to move out, and want to keep holed up in a tralior house too small for three people.

If I have school as a reason to live then I guess that is a good thing. What a contridiction, I give myself a limited amount of time to live, but in the meantime I make plans for a life free from the chains of my mother and father.

I'm still without self esteem, without talent, without self worth, without the ability to stand up against my parents. Still acting like a spoiled child.


Barbara said...

You are quite a contradiction! I hope you can go back to school in Hawaii. Why Hawaii? (or is that a stupid question, I know how gorgeous it is there). I am not worried that you are going to kill yourself*. I think you have a lot of life left in you to live and are not giving up that easy. What will you study in school?

*I am concerned, so please don't' take that the wrong way.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Good luck with the plans for an education, Anna. I think that is a fine idea, and I wish you well.



Anonymous said...

You're such a dumb, useless cunt!! People that REALLY, TRULY WANT to die/kill themselves, don't put it out there on the 'net! They do it in their own privacy so nobody can 'save them', because those people really are depressed, unlike yourself who is just a lazy, useless, wast-of-space. And btw, please learn how to use the fucking spellcheck your fucking dimwitted turd!!

Anonymous said...

Are you OK? You haven't posted in awhile.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Clearly, you are such a beautiful person. You make me so proud to be a human being. You are so filled with compassion for your fellow man.


Fuck off.

Also, I think you ought to take the spell check advice yourdamnself, you fucking moron.

Anonymous said...

@ SB, oh what? Did I misspell a couple words? Fuck you. The comment was NOT MEANT FOR YOU. And no, by no means is my life great. I have my problems like we all do. And I have also had people in MY FAMILY WHO HAVE COMMINTED SUICIDE. So when people like like 'Anna' sit here and say how her life is so drab, poor me, I can't get high, I want to die. That's BULLSHIT!! All I said is, if someone WANTS TO DIE, THEY WONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BECAUSE THEY'LL BE IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN ROOMS DOING SO!! So fucking bite me. Now you, SB, you SHOULD kill yourself, 'cause you're just about as useless as 'poor me, I can't get high Anna' over here. Dumb cunts. BTW, the reason I use Anonymous is because I don't have an account, believe me, I say what I feel and believe, I have ZERO REASON to hide. Trust it.

Anonymous said...

i thought this was anna's blog, not to attack each other.