I've walked close to eight miles today. For no good reason at all. I'm not at inspired to write, but here I am. For no good reason at all. Today the Methadone clinic upped my dose ten milligrams by accident. Its only suppose to be five milligrams a day. So I'm itchy, and nodding out. The thing about my Methadone dose is it really kicks in three hours after you take it. That's when it peaks. So I'm out walking these back country roads listening to my Mp3 player and I start to nod. I can't fucking believe it. I'm all itchy, and I keep dropping my cigarettes. My mom says my words are slurred, and well I'm just in heaven. Its lasting forever, plus I have my Sunday take home dose which I'm thinking about taking at like midnight so I can get high again right away. If I do that tho, I won't be able to get high tomorrow. I won't be sick, but I won't be high.
This heavenly feeling is making me realize there are no problems. I'm safe as can be in this cozy little place, and the sky is so overcast that the hole inside me is all healed. I'm as whole as I've ever been. I need this to last. I'd much rather be on Heroin even now, but this feeling is as close as it comes to being high on Heroin.
That's all there really is to say right now. Tonight Methadone will be the boy laying next to me while I lay in the fetal position sobbing. Tonight Methadone will be the boy with huge veins I can trace along the leanght of his arms and up to his neck. He will wipe away all my tears. He will keep me from crying at all.
I've got to go.