Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I don't want see nobody, I hear nobody, I don't take you home.

Life is what? Fuck I don't even know how I feel. Being back on the Methadone is a good thing...I guess. When I was on the Suboxone I felt every little thing, every word of every song reminded me of some point in my life, and every memory brought tears to my eyes. Now once again I am pretty numb. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be numb than an emotional wreck.

I'm only blogging because I can't sleep. I just masturbated three times in a row, to a photo of Michale Pitt, after listen to his band Pagoda and the song Alone, I also watched the movie Silk with him in it. I figured I was wet from watching the movie that I may as well get some satisfaction out of it. Now my mind is spinning, and not even Radioheads, Kid A album can settle me down.

I'm sure as my dose gets higher this not being able to sleep because my mind is racing will go away. I will hibernate until I find someone who I can stand to be around for more than a few hours at a time. Even my fucking parents get on my nerves after a half hour, and I have to retreat to my room. I find no satisfaction from T.V. any longer, and movies only keep my mind busy for an hour or two.

I want boys to fall in love with me. I want them to fall at my feet, name stars after my eyes. Bury themselves in my skin, throw me against the wall and fuck the shit out of me. We could go out and score dope together. Its always less scary and more exciting to score dope with someone you really want to be with.

To find that person I can't hibernate, I have to go out and meet people. Ugh!! Just fall in love with me on the computer, and travel thousands and thousands of miles to come save me from my self. Read all my blogs and figure me out. Take me to places I will never know and then just take me home.

6 comments:

Gledwood said...

Scoring with someone else:

Least you got someone to talk to, when you're waiting 375000 hours for da man to bother to show...

Anonymous said...

Anna I like your blog. I like you're writing. I wince when you mention nirvana and trainspotting. Because Those are cliché's and you are not. I wish your taste would catch up with your writing ability. We all have our old standbys but they slowly become old news. You arent even slightly embarrassed about your sentimentality. This is such a big part of recovery I know it can be a real time warp. You probably won't find music that touches you on the radio. I hope you Keep writing.

MJ

BluePoet said...

I am not the One you are looking for, but I find your blog interesting, and I would like to keep in touch, as you actually are a writer and there aren't enough interesting ones in the world. Reply to this comment if you are interested and I will tell you about me.

If I don't hear from you (hopefully I will), I wish you luck with the blog, if not with everything that is underlying.

AnnaGrace said...

Blue Poet,

I would love to talk to you also. I hardly ever chat on the internet, or phone for that matter, fuck I don't chat in person even. I'm normally the person you see in the corner by themselves, and you wonder what's wrong them!

Too bad your not the one I'm looking for. Umm, you can get in touch with me at younganna@ymail.com or just leave another comment.
Thank you for wanting to talk to me.
Anna Grace

P.S. I'm wordless, normally I'd say more.

AnnaGrace said...

MJ, I am a cliche'. I do like some new music though. Such as, Pagoda, The Oohlas, Halloween Town, ect...
I do like one song on the radio, "Jesus stole my gilrfriend" by, Violent Soho. Oh yeah, I like The White Strips, and they are on the radio. I even managed to see the White Stripes in concert. I acctually left the house to see a band. At the time I was in love with Jack White as I'm in love with Michale Pitt now.

Thanks for the writing compliement. I sorta felt offended by this comment, but then realized its soooo true. Although I do think Kurt will always be my old standby.

Anna Grace

AnnaGrace said...

Gled,

Your always right on the money. Luv it. I spent more time waiting to score dope than actually doing dope.