Life is what? Fuck I don't even know how I feel. Being back on the Methadone is a good thing...I guess. When I was on the Suboxone I felt every little thing, every word of every song reminded me of some point in my life, and every memory brought tears to my eyes. Now once again I am pretty numb. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be numb than an emotional wreck.
I'm only blogging because I can't sleep. I just masturbated three times in a row, to a photo of Michale Pitt, after listen to his band Pagoda and the song Alone, I also watched the movie Silk with him in it. I figured I was wet from watching the movie that I may as well get some satisfaction out of it. Now my mind is spinning, and not even Radioheads, Kid A album can settle me down.
I'm sure as my dose gets higher this not being able to sleep because my mind is racing will go away. I will hibernate until I find someone who I can stand to be around for more than a few hours at a time. Even my fucking parents get on my nerves after a half hour, and I have to retreat to my room. I find no satisfaction from T.V. any longer, and movies only keep my mind busy for an hour or two.
I want boys to fall in love with me. I want them to fall at my feet, name stars after my eyes. Bury themselves in my skin, throw me against the wall and fuck the shit out of me. We could go out and score dope together. Its always less scary and more exciting to score dope with someone you really want to be with.
To find that person I can't hibernate, I have to go out and meet people. Ugh!! Just fall in love with me on the computer, and travel thousands and thousands of miles to come save me from my self. Read all my blogs and figure me out. Take me to places I will never know and then just take me home.