Imagine yourself floating, your eyes wide open watching the sun move in the sky. Its sweterling hot outside. The ocean's waters are cool, and your lying on your back floating. Letting the currents take out deeper and deeper. Suddenly someone is beside in the ocean, floating on the same currents. You look over and see that it is someone you love, and you reach your hand out and the other person reaches their hand out, and you hold hands and just float. Hours pass and not a word spoken, but the electricity flowing thru the both of you is dangerous, ex specially in water. Your bound to be electrocuted.
That is how I felt when I met Justin. I was 22, and my friends Emily and Josh had come to visit me and Pete (my boyfreind) in Green Bay. They brought along someone I didn't know. His name is Justin, and he is Josh's bestfreind. I've herd of Justin before, but this is our first meeting. I am immediately attracted to him. I had just shot up 16mg of Dilauded, and I'm nodding off every couple of seconds. I'm trying my hardest to stay awake for my company. Justin notices the syringe on the table. I forgot about it laying there. I normally hide all evidence of my use as soon as I'm done shooting up. I know that Emily and Josh are not shocked to see the syringe. They have known me as a user for, four years now. As an IV user for going on nine months. I'm worried about this Justin guys reaction. Will he ask to leave now?
To my surprise, Justin asks if we mind if he fixes here. Pete and I both say, "by all means, have at her. If you want to have some privacy you can go into the bathroom." He is sitting on the love seat with Emily and Josh. He pulls out a black fanny pack from his back pack. He unzips his fanny pack, and walks over to the open chair. I grab a glass of water for him to use.
He goes to the needle exchange. I've never gone there, so when he pulls out a little tin with a garbage bag tie around it so you can hold it like a minuter frying pan, I am curious. He also has little cottons and these blue tubes of water. He smiles at me when I bring him the glass, and says, " oh no, I go to the needle exchange and they give out these clean water tubes, and these little cottons along with these cookers. I'll take the water to drink though". We all watch as he cooks up. He's got brown sugar Heroin. Another first for me. I've only known China White around these parts. I ask where he got brown sugar. He tells me his sister lives in Florida and she sends it up to him via Fed Ex.
I watch as he fixes. Right after he pushes off, I ask when his birthday is. He is an Aries, I've always dated Aquarius like myself. Right after I ask the question I can tell the 5 seconds have past and the shot is giving him the first rush. Emily and Josh are bored, I give them both a beer. Me, Pete, and Justin are all nodding off, dropping cigarettes left and right. I open my eyes and notice Emily and Josh are getting ready to leave. They shake Justin out his nodd, and ask him if he wants a ride home. I immediately say, "if you want to stay and watch a movie with us your more than welcome. I can give you ride home whenever." He slumps over, and I hear him say yes in a whisper. I take that as he is staying here with us. Pete goes to the bathroom. I can hear him tossing his cookies. When he comes out he says I'm going in the bedroom to rest. He leaves me and Justin to our own devices. I put in my favorite movie, Royal Tenenbaums, and Justin walks over to the couch where I'm sitting.
I fall asleep. When I wake up Justin's body and mine are intertwined. He is sound asleep, I run my fingers along his jaw softly. I admire his face, and body. He is so much prettier than Pete. I remember Pete just then, and I untwin our bodies, and go to see what Pete is doing. Its dark out now, and Pete is gone. He left a note saying he went to the bar. I worry about him using and drinking. He always does this. He says its to save on dope. When he gets drunk he passes out and doesn't need another shot until the morning. I walk back into the living room and notice that Justin is awake. We are both thinking the same thing, "I need another fix." I ask if I can have a taste of his brown sugar. He cooks up a shot for both of us. We both have a hard time finding a good vein. At almost the exact moment we both see a dark blood rush in, its hard to see in this brown liquid if you hit a vein. I decide that I hit, and I push the plunger in and I was right I hit the vein.
I feel the warmth of the Heroin flowing thru me. Justin takes my face in his hands, and pulls me close to his face. He asks me if he can kiss me. I don't answer, I just lunge forward and kiss him. I pull his shirt off, and he pulls mine off. Pete could be home any second. I want to keep kissing him forever. We are both naked, but he doesn't try to enter me, he seems content just kissing me up and down my body, and letting me do the same along the length of his body. We end up falling asleep again.
When we wake up, and its morning. I don't even bother to look for Pete. I want to have sex, so I kiss Justin and get on top of him. He is hard in seconds, and I slide his penis into my moist vagina. I ride him slowly at first. He rolls me over and into doggy style and pound against me harder and faster. It feels so good. We both haven't taken out morning shot of Heroin, I feel the slightest pangs of withdrawal. With the withdrawals I know I can cum so I rum my clit. Justin's hand is over my hand, and we move into missionary position. I rub my clit and I cum. I scream out, "fuck me hard and deep". He does as I commanded, and within minutes he pulls out and cums all over my breasts. We light both light a cigarette, and I don't even bother to wipe his cum off me. I start to prepare my morning shot, he does the same.
After I feel better, I look in the bedroom and Pete never came home last night, or he did and found Justin and I naked on the couch. If that happened he probably went to his dad's house. I don't care either way. Me and Justin get dressed. He asks me if I want to stay at his house tonight. I say yes, and we gather out things together, and I grab my keys and we are off to his house.
After that day Justin and I are inseparable. I tell Pete I found someone else, and he moves out of the apartment. I have no idea how I'm going to pay rent. Justin and I get into the routine of two junkies. I go the doctors and scam out of them Dilauded. We both sit around alot waiting for his dealer to call back. Justin prefers Heroin to the Dilauded. I do too, but Dilauded keeps the sickness at bay and its much cheaper. We are always broke, and the power, and water gets turned of at both of our apartments. I'm too broke to pay my rent for two months. I get a notice that I'm being kicked out of the apartment. Everything starts to fall apart. I realize I need Pete. Pete can hold down a job and still use. In the end I go back to Pete, and he pays the rent. I leave Justin. I wanted to stay with him, but if I did I would end up homeless. Pete takes care of me. I go where I know I will always be able to afford drugs. I love Justin more than Pete, and Pete knows this. Yet Pete loves me more than I deserve, and we get into a routine of using. It lasts four two more years.
In the end I steal 600 dollars from Pete to buy Heroin, and its the last straw for Pete. He breaks up with me, and kicks me out. I don't bother Justin with my problems. I haven't herd from him in months. I go back and live with my parents. My dad's supply of Morphine and my supply of Dilauded will keep me well for a good amount of time. My mother and I end up moving to Hawaii for a year. I come back and get on Methadone. Time passes I move around alot. In and out of my parents house. I never forget Justin though.
Now it is today. The sun is out, and it hot as hell outside and its only 7am. I drive to Green Bay to get my dose of Methadone. I get there and who do I run into? Justin. We look at each other and I begin to shake. He asks me how things are going in my life. I tell him OK. I ask him about his life, and he tells me he has a daughter now, and a baby on the way. I congratulate him. I feel my heart sink. I'll never have him how I want him. We didn't have much time to talk. Its my turn to dose. I do so quickly. I walk out the door and say good bye to Justin.