Saturday, May 15, 2010

Shane from France, HeroinHead is my cyber dildo

I think all of us who read HeroinHeads blogs are always excited to read a new one, and when he finally births a blog I have a little ritual that I do. Let me tell you all about it.

I have all Shane's blogs emailed straight to my yahoo mail. Every day when I check the mail I'm on pins and needles hoping and praying that one of HeroinHeads memoirs will be in my inbox. Even though he only blogs about twice a month I have my kit next to me everytime I login to my email. My kit you wonder, yes my kit.

First off my kit consists of a bag of works. Those of you few who read my blog and don't know what "works" are I will clue you in. Every junky has a bag of "works", which includes a spoon, a hypodermic syringe, cotton, and a tourniquet to tie off with. Even though I don't have Heroin, and am on Methadone, I still cook up some water and get ready to put it in my vein. Mainly because its like masturbation for me.

My kit also consists of KY Jelly, a red rose fresh weekly, my works, my laptop, privacy. I open the blog, and begin to read the words on the screen. I read thru the blog the first time fast, not taking it all in. Just getting the jist of it. The second time around, I can't help but be seduced by his words, and imagery. I read it slowly, sometimes reading aloud to myself imagining Shane telling me the story face to face, with a silver tongue. Since Shane lives on a different continent I substitute a rose for him.

His blogs never fails to give me the most intense cravings for Heroin, and the most intense sexual arousal my body will allow with a brain full of Methadone. After I've read the blog through and through, I can't help myself, I cook up the water, and get a shot of water ready to introduce into my veins, but before I inject I use the KY Jelly to masturbate, right after I come, I shoot up the water, and it almost feels like that heavenly rush of a nice shot of Heroin. No matter how dark the post, how much horror he tells about his past, or how funny. I always imagine Shane naked in his office naked, using his mom's bra as a tourniquet trying to find a vein when his boss pops in and finds him in such a perdiciment. This by far is my favorite blog of his.

Shane has three times as many readers as I do, and I totally understand why. His words are like the cum shot for a porno addict. I am in awe at how his mind works, and I don't even know the man. I never will know the man in real life, but in this cyber space on this voo doo screen Shane aka HeroinHead is my dildo.

9 comments:

Gledwood said...

!

Gledwood said...

surely heroin + erotic = 2 v different things??

one of the best things about heroin is lack of feeling. feeling absolutely nothing good or bad. i just wish it could be stronger

most of the girls who "work" for drug money NEED a decent hit before they go out, just to put up with the grabbing, pawing, constant abrasion and nasty physicality of an act they don't really want to go through with ~ at least not who they're with, and not in the back of a family car ...

the customers of course like to convince themselves girls do that because they are horny bitches paying their way through college... i mean, come on!

if you want to read a good memoir about heroin and prostitution read
In My Skin by Kate Holden

sorry i wasn't calling you a hooker, it's just that assiciation heroin with erotic is, for me, the only one i really can make

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Thank you, Anna.

Do you mind if I put this wonderful dedication up on my blog? Of course I'll link it over to yours.

I'll be around soon and we can have a chat.

Love, Shane. X

AnnaGrace said...

Gledwood, I think you said it with "!".

I can't believe I went into that.

Heroin is a very erotic experience for me. Its ten times better than any orgasam I've ever had.

Your correct Geld, its a lack of feeling, but not absolutely everything, its like looking through rose colored glasses.You feel things(when your not nodding out) and it feels like no matter whats going on in my life everything is going to be okay and always will.

As I'm getting back on the Methadone, after having every opiate in my brain pushed out by Narcan in the Suboxone, I'm feeling just a tinge of that "rosecolored glasses" feeling is comming back, and if I take some Xanax I have no feelings as you mentioned because I've nodded out.

Your also right about the working girl, I've sold myself for junk before, and needed a gigantic hit of Heroin everytime I would have to perform sexually with a man I never met nor thought of in anyway before. I remember alot of the times guys would think that I was dieing on them because I was nodding out middle of sex and wouldn't wake up. One guy just through me out of his car without any fucking money.

With Shane, I've made him something in my head that he most likely isn't, and now that I'm not activally using Heroin I've made it out to be something that it really isn't most of the time, and its come out as a sexual thing.

I wonder what my phyc. Dr. would say to me if I told him all about this? Maybe I will tell him just so I can know I completly abnormal.

AnnaGrace said...

Shane, of course you can put it up on your blog.

Anna Grace

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Thank you darling!!! X

Stacy said...

what an amazing tribute, anna grace! take care <3

Yella said...

Hah, wow...I'm glad you find comfort in writing this blog, but I must be honest, I've never been so disturbed in my life, just by reading someone's words. The part about shooting up with just water, and the bra for a tourniquet for Shane...YIKES. Creepy. Your fantasies about shooting up a young boy with big veins make me shudder. A sexual fantasy should be just that, SEXUAL, not at all related to drugs. The fact that you have come to marry the two, so that you can't think of one without being turned on by the other, makes your addiction that much harder for you to beat. I truly wish you could just get your mind off of these useless drugs and focus on all the other interesting things life has to offer..any one of the arts, (painting, sculpting, photography), horseback riding, swimming, going to museums, gardening, singing in a choir, learning a musical instrument, learning how to knit...I so envied you living in Hawaii, and it surprised the hell out of me that you never took advantage of living in such a beautiful place! I really do hope you grow up past this drug-obsessed, dead rockstar stage. I used to mourn Kurt's death too, when I was 13, and it truly was painful. Then I realized that you have to mourn for the dead, but care for the living.

Anonymous said...

@ Yella this is one of those things that you just can't get. Like your comment is one of those things that i cant get. And I must say I find you creepy.