I get money from the government for being Bi Polar. I cannot work, my moods cycle, and with every job I've ever had I was fired for saying something inappropriate. When I'm in a manic state I say what is one my mind, its like I don't have a censor in my brain keeping editing my thoughts. What goes through my head comes out my mouth. Then there are times I get so depressed I physically cannot pull myself out of bed. This is something most of my anonymous commenter's can't fathom, because they have no idea what it is like to have a mental illness that is debilitating.
Another thing is I'm not buying fucking drugs. Every drug I take is prescribed to me. I'm on Methadone, which if you don't understand the reason they use methadone to keep you off Heroin, you have no idea what my blog is about and may as well go read something else, something that you find appropriate. You anonymous people are like those bible thumpers who think its wrong when a person gets a sex change, and you shame them and tell them that they are an abomination to god.
If my blog is so horrible and you think I should die, then why do you read it? Is it that hard to stay away from my blog? I know plenty of people who think its easier to just not read my blog. I totally understand that, but people who just want to degrade me for being me is just plain mean.
Just because I don't want to live my life as a worker bee, and can't. Just because I don't want to be rich, and don't think that money brings happiness does not make me a bad person. Other people judge me because I'm an addict, as far as that goes I could care less what any of you think. It is a choice I made and its something I will never regret. Opiates have found a place in my life that I'm comfortable with, a place that I want them to be in my life, the only way anyone will stop me is over my cold dead body. I know and am fine with the fact that either the life choices I've made with using opiates, or the opiates themselves will kill me.
I have my fair share of insecurities, but taking money from all "hard working folk" doesn't bother me in the least, because I need that money to survive. I make 786 dollars a month. Not very much. Right now I'm living with my parents and saving all that money. When I have a comfortable amount saved up I'm moving out of this one horse town, and probably back to Hawaii.
To that person who left a comment back to Noah, (by the way thank you to everyone who has stuck up for me. I have mostly a very nice, honest, caring , sympathetic, and funny readers.) who says the reason they don't leave their name is because they can't have their name or email address associated with this blog, well just go away. If you can't even be associated with this blog what the fuck makes you want to read it. Are you deep down a wanna be junky?
That's enough. I know I shouldn't give these anonymous commenter's the time of day, but I let shit get to me. Plus I had so many people who's blog that I read stand up for me it makes the hurtful comments less hard to bear. These people who leave these rude, mean comments actually keep me from blogging. Why should I let these people keep me from writing? That's just plain stupid. I am grateful for every comment I get, bad or good. I have to be. Even the haters have a place in my heart. The fact is no matter how much I disagreed with another person's life style I wouldn't leave hurtful comments. I would just tell them my view. Allow them to comment back, and look at it from their prospective. If I still don't agree with them I stop reading because I know it will get me all worked up.
To all my followers, thank you for reading. I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry I'm such a contradiction.
All my love,
Anna Grace Young