Friday, June 4, 2010

Anonymous. I know I should just let it go, but...

I get money from the government for being Bi Polar. I cannot work, my moods cycle, and with every job I've ever had I was fired for saying something inappropriate. When I'm in a manic state I say what is one my mind, its like I don't have a censor in my brain keeping editing my thoughts. What goes through my head comes out my mouth. Then there are times I get so depressed I physically cannot pull myself out of bed. This is something most of my anonymous commenter's can't fathom, because they have no idea what it is like to have a mental illness that is debilitating.

Another thing is I'm not buying fucking drugs. Every drug I take is prescribed to me. I'm on Methadone, which if you don't understand the reason they use methadone to keep you off Heroin, you have no idea what my blog is about and may as well go read something else, something that you find appropriate. You anonymous people are like those bible thumpers who think its wrong when a person gets a sex change, and you shame them and tell them that they are an abomination to god.

If my blog is so horrible and you think I should die, then why do you read it? Is it that hard to stay away from my blog? I know plenty of people who think its easier to just not read my blog. I totally understand that, but people who just want to degrade me for being me is just plain mean.

Just because I don't want to live my life as a worker bee, and can't. Just because I don't want to be rich, and don't think that money brings happiness does not make me a bad person. Other people judge me because I'm an addict, as far as that goes I could care less what any of you think. It is a choice I made and its something I will never regret. Opiates have found a place in my life that I'm comfortable with, a place that I want them to be in my life, the only way anyone will stop me is over my cold dead body. I know and am fine with the fact that either the life choices I've made with using opiates, or the opiates themselves will kill me.

I have my fair share of insecurities, but taking money from all "hard working folk" doesn't bother me in the least, because I need that money to survive. I make 786 dollars a month. Not very much. Right now I'm living with my parents and saving all that money. When I have a comfortable amount saved up I'm moving out of this one horse town, and probably back to Hawaii.

To that person who left a comment back to Noah, (by the way thank you to everyone who has stuck up for me. I have mostly a very nice, honest, caring , sympathetic, and funny readers.) who says the reason they don't leave their name is because they can't have their name or email address associated with this blog, well just go away. If you can't even be associated with this blog what the fuck makes you want to read it. Are you deep down a wanna be junky?

That's enough. I know I shouldn't give these anonymous commenter's the time of day, but I let shit get to me. Plus I had so many people who's blog that I read stand up for me it makes the hurtful comments less hard to bear. These people who leave these rude, mean comments actually keep me from blogging. Why should I let these people keep me from writing? That's just plain stupid. I am grateful for every comment I get, bad or good. I have to be. Even the haters have a place in my heart. The fact is no matter how much I disagreed with another person's life style I wouldn't leave hurtful comments. I would just tell them my view. Allow them to comment back, and look at it from their prospective. If I still don't agree with them I stop reading because I know it will get me all worked up.

To all my followers, thank you for reading. I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry I'm such a contradiction.

All my love,
Anna Grace Young

8 comments:

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anna Dear,
This is a very thoughtful reply. Too bad the anonymous commenters are not half as nice or thoughtful. They are just mean. Otherwise, they would either comment tactfully or just stop reading altogether. You are right.

I love you.

Anonymous said...

As I said before, I used to feel for you and that is why I kept coming back to read your blog. I just finally realized that you want to do nothing for yourself (you talk a big game, but do nothing) except for sponge off the system and live off my dime. I too have a mental illness. Have been on and off meds for years. Some people just choose to use their illness as an excuse to do nothing. Which is basically what you do. Everything in your last post was just an excuse.

I do know about methadone and what it's supposed to do. But let's face it, most people who get on methadone don't ever come off. Bascially because all they are is a junky on a legal get high. In the state I live, you cannot be on the methadone and be prescribed benzos. That's an automatic detox if you come up dirty even with a prescription.

The only reason I even commented on this blog for the first time was because I thought it was quite comical that you would call the other anonymous person pathetic and useless when you are actually the epitome of those.

In all actuality, I do wish you the best, Anna.

Anonymous said...

As I said before, I used to feel for you and that is why I kept coming back to read your blog. I just finally realized that you want to do nothing for yourself (you talk a big game, but do nothing) except for sponge off the system and live off my dime. I too have a mental illness. Have been on and off meds for years. Some people just choose to use their illness as an excuse to do nothing. Which is basically what you do. Everything in your last post was just an excuse.

I do know about methadone and what it's supposed to do. But let's face it, most people who get on methadone don't ever come off. Bascially because all they are is a junky on a legal get high. In the state I live, you cannot be on the methadone and be prescribed benzos. That's an automatic detox if you come up dirty even with a prescription.

The only reason I even commented on this blog for the first time was because I thought it was quite comical that you would call the other anonymous person pathetic and useless when you are actually the epitome of those.

In all actuality, I do wish you the best, Anna.

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Can you say what mental illness you have, Anon?

I have been addicted to heroin for over 10 years. In that time I have only met three people out of scores who actually prefer methadone to heroin.

The reason people stay on methadone for so long is because it is more addictive than heroin (simple fact) and because opiate addiction is so very difficult to shake.

I have met people with all sorts of addictions online. One thing I have noticed time and again is that people on crystal meth or coke can very often say to themselves "this is enough, I've had enough ~ no more" and 100 days later they're posting "100 days clean"

opiate addicts tend to relapse over and over again. It is to do with the nature of opiate addiction, which is not chasing some original high, as the press would have you believe, but about feeling OK. On opiates, opiate addicts feel OK, which is why Anna went back to methadone. Off methadone she felt horrible. It really is that simple but unless you have lived it you just cannot understand. To be frank you are better off not understanding. Your life is hardly going to be richer as a result. There were a lot of things about opiate addiction I just didn't get until I got addicted. Then it was too late... in so many ways

Anonymous said...

Anna, keep writing your blog, and you're right, if people have a problem with your blog they shouldn't read it.

Noah; I used to read your blog but can't get into it anymore. Do you have a new one?

Jane.

Gledwood said...

Noah's new blog is at:

http://noahnods.wordpress.com

Carrion Doll said...

the fact that you get haters is a good thing. especially since you are passionate about reading. that means you are invoking emotion in your readers. no matter what the emotion is, you are challenging people and their beliefs. making them think instead of wasting away in front of the tv.
and another thing. the internet lets too many people hid behind computers while throwing out insults that they would never have the guts to say to your face if they ever met you on the street. i fucking hate that. cowards, if you don't want to be associated with this blog, then why even have it in your browser history douchie doucherson? lol.
sorry had to have a little rant because i got the same stupid shit when i wrote. and i really wish i could see these people and their lives. chances are they are not very happy.
keep writing and fuck the sheep, the bewildered masses that so blindly fall in line and follow.
carrion doll