Yesterday, Father's day. I was so fucking tired and I had no idea why. I had yet to take my dose and still was tired. I woke up early thow to give my dad his card. He almost started crying when he read it. I wrote in it, "Dad I love you very, very much, and I hope you never get old so you can take care of me forever." Love Anna Grace Young and Angie. Angie is my sister who died seven years ago. My dad never cries. the only time I've seen him cry was when he herd Angie died, and when we the immediate family were brought up to casket to say our last good byes before it was closed and she was buried. He gave her a kiss and cried uncontrollably. So did my mother and I. After the card giving we gave my dad a cake, and him and my mom ate some, then we watched whatever movie he wanted to watch. We couldn't go fishing the motor is broken and being fixed.
I stayed up for the movie mostly, but as soon as it was done I headed straight for my room and slept until 8pm. I woke up and apologized to my dad. He didn't mind. He had gone to the bar and made the rounds with his friends for a few hours during the day. My mom had to let him go, it was Father's day after all. I took my Methadone around 9p.m. and went back to sleep and woke up this morning at 6:30am. I was still yawning...wtf!
I left to go to the clinic by 7am. There was road construction and I had to drive pretty slowly. I still go there at 7:35am. When I walk in my Friends Natalie and Rory are there. They are old friends from my using days. I used to hook them up. Rory's Brother Jesse asked Rory to give me his number. Its a long story, but for your sake I'll try to shorten it up. Rory's brother is Jesse. Jesse is 30 something and has been with Melissa for a long time. My ex Pete was good friends with Melissa, and friends with Jesse by default. Melissa never liked me, and was always competing with me for Pete's attention. Turns out after Pete and I broke up I found out that right before Melissa and Jesse's wedding Pete and Mellisa had sex, and Pete was still with me at the time. Melissa ends up cheating on Jesse with all his friends, and getting knocked up by one of his friends. She moves out, and runs around for a year. Has the baby still runs around for a year, then things get tough the baby gets older and the daddy not helping. So Melissa runs back to Jesse. He lets her move back in. Just as friends, but after a year they get back together. They never got divorced so they are a married couple raising a child that just happens to be from another man. They buy a house with a yard, and turn into adults. Then Jesse's friend moves in because he's kicked out of where he is living. Melissa ends up cheating on Jesse with this guy who moved in the house, and Melissa tells Jesse to get out. So Jesse went to live with his brother and his brother's girlfriend, and is now asking me to call or text him. Weird. I brought it on myself. I told Natile that I thought he was hot when Pete and I were together and we would sleep there
Also and more importantly Justin Rose was in the clinic. He was right next to Me, Rory, and Natalie. Listening to us talking and we were talking it up. Natalie told me she was only at 8mgs of Methadone, and first thing that came to my mind is, "well shit you can shoot up and get high off dope now, the Methadone isn't at a blocking dose." She says, "Anna, I hope I don't do that." Everyone looks at me and Rory knowing me from my past says, "Anna your the person that would say that." First thing I think is Fuck after three or four years of Methadone treatment these people are getting healthy and I'm still thinking about getting high. Then I look around for a councilor to make sure none of them herd me say that and hold it against me. It would be just another strike against me. There were no councilors that I saw, so I tell Natalie I will "sext" Jesse. They laugh and go up to dose.
I look over at Justin Rose, and he asks me how my time on suboxone was, I told him I did it wrong and it was horrible. Then I say are you still with the girl who kicked my dog that night you wanted to beat up my ex boyfriend Pete? He says, "yes, she's crazy. By the way, I apologize for her for kicking your dog and for wanting to beat up Pete." I tell him I don't like his girlfriend even though she's the mother of his children. I guess I will respect that. Then his number gets called and he goes and doses. I am two numbers behind him. I don't think much of talking to him. He did tell me he is going down on his dose and going on suboxone. He's only at 20mgs now. The only thing I really did think about was I won't see him here much longer. Finally its my turn to dose. I go up dose, and walk out of the clinic. Who is still sitting there in his car waiting for me, but Justin Rose. Any of you who have read the post I wrote call "Justin is a Rose" know that by now my heart is pounding. Why is he sitting here waiting for me. He wants my phone number. I give him my mom's cell which is pretty much is my cell phone. I ask him if he really wants to start this up again. This secret love affair. He has a lot more to lose now. Plus I don't want to be killed by his girlfriend aka baby's mama. She fucking kicked my five pound dog who did nothing to her and who was defenceless. He said we don't have to have sex, we could just be friends, but he knows I like him more than that. It would be near impossible for me to be just friends. I want him to be happy, and I don't want to destroy his life. If he calls I'm going to ask how can we just be friends. And if we can just be friends will we have to hide it from his girlfriend.
I forgot how beautiful and deep blue his eyes are. They are piercing. What should I do? I'm asking my readers and lurkers to tell me what they think I should do. Am I a home wrecker if I decide to be Friends with him?
I told him we can't really talk here because the councilor's will think we are dealing drugs or something. So we left. I was right behind him. I stopped off at walmart and got myself a bike, and was crying the whole time. When I got home I rode that bike until my legs felt like rubber and now as I write they hurt like a bitch. I wonder if Justin will even call me? He hasn't yet.