Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sunday's suck. I don't take my methadone until later in the day. I took a long bike ride again today, except today I rode with my mom. Yesterday me and mom went shopping for a bike for her. I like her bike better than mine. Her's has handel bar brakes. Mine has pedel brakes. Both are beach crusiers. Still can't get Hawaii out of our heads. My dad is talking about going back to Hawaii for the winter no matter how far the house is. He is just dying to go back to Hawaii as am I. My mother is the only hold out. I've been online looking for places in my price range to live with a roommate, and that is around 380.00 dollars. So I would probably need two roommates. My old friend Charlie gave me his new phone number and I called him in Hawaii, but he didn't answer. I had forgotten its five hours behind us. I had called him at like three in the after noon, and which means its only 10am there, and he's probably just going to get his Methadone if he's still on it. He alway woke up late.

I used to call Charlie, Crazy Charlie because when he likes someone he puts his heart all the way out there. Unlike myself who only puts it out just enough to make sure its not going to get hurt. If it even thinks its going to get hurt, it hurts the others heart before my heart can be broken. Crazy Charlie is in alot of my 2008 and early 2009 posts. On a side note, I started smokeing Camel wides blue. They burn alot slower and have more tobacco in them. I am quitting smoking on July 5th. Any way Charlie's way of putting himself out there all the way to either be loved or hurt through and through is something I have never seen. I tried to explain to him that it was weird to me the way he approches a relationship. We were in a relationship in 2007 autum-winter until I left for Wisconsin. When I came back in 2008 I didn't want to be in a relationship any longer. I needed time to myself. Still I hung out with guys from Fort St. Mall. Fort St. Mall is where all the drugs were. Where I felt at home. I hung out there all day almost every day in 2007, in 2008 my parents were hip to my ways. So I could only spend my mornings there.
I left in 2008 in only because I had to, to get my SSI. I had warrents for my arrest from 2006 that needed to be taken care of before I could start getting my payments. So I flew home with my parents and turned myself in and did the 77 days in jail plus 19 in the nut house. Other wise I would have stayed in Hawaii .

All those people who hate me for being getting all their money for my SSI probably wish I would have never gotten my legal troubles cleared up. Ha ha ha ha. I'm riding the gravy train. To those of you who understand Bi Polar mental illness and those of us who can't find medications to stop the cycleing. Then sorry. 675 dollars is nothing in the wake of maddness.

Anyway, I'm not going anywhere with this. I just want to mention I bought a bunch of Marigolds yesterday and re potted them. I bought Marigolds because of the song that Kurt wrote before he died, and now its out there and rare find on tape deck. If you comb the internet you find it. If I knew how to pull up stuff from the internet I'd post the lyrics here and picturs of marigolds. Courtney tried to take credit for the song. But Kurt even said that he and Courtney often wrote music together. Pennyroyal Tea is a song that both Kurt and Courtney wrote. So I do believe that both Kurt and Courtney had a hand in the lyrics and music of Marigold. There is another title to the song, the chorus has marigold in it.

Fuck you Kurt for killing yourself.


Gledwood said...

I've never seen a pedal brake bike, except when I was in Holland for a week in 1982... I'm trying to remember whether or not that type of bike has gears? I couldn't ride a bike without gears. In fact my ideal bike would be one with the electric gizmo that rides you up hills ;-)

I was gonna say something else but it's gone :-(

Gledwood said...

O yeah the bipolar: you seem relatively OK lately. I can tell this bc you're talking about reading books. I dunno about you but I find it practically impossible to read a novel when I'm depressed. I just cannot focus. The only kind of reading I can do is e.g. hacking through a bok in a foreign language, which might sound harder, but it isn't because you read so slowly the lack of attention span is less bothersome... well that's what I found when I read christiane F in German

ps I took your advice and opened a German blog so no annoying ßääÖßüößßäö from now on

Gledwood said...

If you want to watch Christiane F the film the entire thing is on my random clips blog

part 1 has no subtitles but basically she says she was stuck at home with her mother, sister and cats bored... sees a poster for "Sound: Europe's most happening disco" (this is 1977 remember!) goes and drops acid... and it all kicks off from there

it is a classic film featuring concert performance by David Bowie

if you see it, pls leave me a comment there so I know


Gledwood said...

shit. forgot to explain

Christiane F is the story of a child prostitute and heroin addict in Berlin in the late 70s

the film came out in the early 80s and is considered a classic (more so probably than trainspotting, I think it's much better than trainspotting)

Carrion Doll said...

I'm still reading your back story. Fucking amazing. I love your writing but I hate that it had to come from such a tortured place. But if it didn't, it would not be what it is...which is fucking amazing. At least you took the bad and converted it into something which is alot more than I can say for myself.
Carrion Doll

ps Gled, I watched half of Christiane F from your page last month. I am going to go back and finish it, life just got in the way for awhile. Thank you for the introduction to both the movie and to Anna. I followed you here.

Anonymous said...

77 to 19???
what does that mean?

Anonymous said...

77 to 19 means exactly what?

AnnaGrace said...

77 days in jail, and 19 days in the nut house. I corrected it in the post for the other readers. I corrected other stuff also.

AnnaGrace said...


I wish I could go to your random clips blog and watch the movie, but my computer is much too slow for that. Only two whatchamacallits. G's?

If you could tansfer it to DVD and send it over the pond I can watch it on the computer or on the DVD player. Then I can comment. LOL!

Love you. When you gonna post a photo?

AnnaGrace said...


Crazy Charlie called the day I posted this post, and yesterday. I talked to him, and he is trying to get a place for us to live together as friends if I move down there this winter. Now that is weird.

AnnaGrace said...


Fuck you, never speak of my dog.

you guys don't know what I'm talking about because I deleted it. I will delete all other comments that come on here about her.

Anonymous said...

wtf anna?
I was just making a joke
Im the one that insulted all the other anons that said that you took their money and bla bla
Im really sorry if it ofended you
I was just joking because of the one that talked about your bed
I just remembered the name of ur dog and tried a little joke

Anonymous said...

Anna, you deleted my anonymous comment, and it was nice... I don't have a google or blogger account, just a regular reader and was my first time posting. Sorry you get so many douche bag comments.

AnnaGrace said...

I'm sorry Anon that commented about my dog that ment it to be funny and an attact on the asshole who commented about my bed. I thought you were going along the lines of other anon.
Lately I've been cringing every time I see an anon comment, because I'm scared that it will be something that hurts my fragile feelings. I'm so sick of them that I've decided the ones I find too offensive I just am going to trash right away.
Sorry there was miss communication. I value comments, I really do. With good come the bad. Lately a lot more bad are comming with the good.

Carrion Doll said...

Why don't you disable anon comments so they have to leave some kind of name or id. It's up to you what level you make it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Anna. The anonymous posters are not ALL assholes. :)