I just got the three best emails ever. The rise and fall of a mans cock that I can't wait to have inside me. (sorry aunt Debbie if you read this)So I'm going to try to blog fast so I can get into my room and masturbate. Although I am on Ritalin and it makes me want to write about every little detail of every little thing in my boring little mundane life. I am way too full of myself. I wish I had Melody Lee is Damned self love, I don't care what the fuck you think attitude. Instead, I'm hyper aware of what you think of me. I have a self hatred that runs deeper than that hole you dug to china. ~I can't prepare for death any more than I already have. Sunshine been keeping me up for days, there is no night time, its only a passin phase. I feel pretty, pretty enough for you. I felt so ugly before. I didn't know what to do. Its not worth it to you cause you got to get high somehow. ~Elliott Smith~ Its really not worth it to me because I have to get high somehow. I really shouldn't write while listening to the MP3 player. Elliott Smith has the best lyrics. Except for the lyrics to Heroin by the Velvet Underground, but that's just one song. All of Elliott's songs have amazing lyrics so he wins. The name of my blog comes from a lyric from one his songs call "Strung Out Again". Well its actually a mixture from Mad World the Gary Jules version and Elliot Smith's Strung Out Again. See way too much detail.
I miss Hawaii. I miss the Pacific Ocean. I wish I had the guts to just abandon everyone and everything up here in Wisconsin and buy a plane ticket and a tent and fly to Hawaii, and live in Tent City on Waikiki Beach Kailihua. Not many white people live in tent city. Tent city is where the homeless people live. Its like a homeless community. Its pretty big. In Hawaii the people are pretty racists against white people. They call white people Haulie pronounced howl-ie. It means without breath in Hawaiian. I don't know why they call white people that in Hawaii. They even have a kill Haulie day in Hawaii. Its pretty much directed at the white kids in the high schools. I was good friends with a white guy(who ended up masturbating over my head while he thought I was asleep one night when I let him sleep over) and he would get beat up ever "kill haulie day" in high school. In Hawaii its mostly Pacific islanders eg: Samoans, Filipinos, ect... then there was alot of Japanese. In the 1980's the Japs took over alot of the Hotels and business' in Hawaii and now Hawaii is run mainly by Japs. Isn't that crazy, they are the one's who bombed the fuck out of Honolulu the island they now pretty much run business wise Dec.7 Nineteen forty one.(the four button on my keyboard doesn't work) In Hawaii I met my first real Irish person, my first real English men, and many Australians. I even made good friends with an Australian Junky named Erin. Same name as my mother. Oh man did she get a big abscess on her arm one month. I put a needle in it, and sucked out a shit load of this puss. It was gray and green, and it smells like body odor, and decaying flesh. Like when you leave hamburger out for a few days. Yuck. I only had one abscess, and I never let it get that bad before I went to the doctor. The doctor just lanced it open and drained it, and had me pack it with gauze every day. It was my best vein so that sucked, but what can you do. I had really small veins when I started using. Now that I've used up my veins, my biggest turn on in another person is their veins. I know people think its sick that I find big juicy veins sexy because I want to put a spike in them and let them become Jesus' son.What can I do. I find using Heroin a sexual experience. I haven't had sex in two years. I've use Heroin last March 2009. Just cooking it up and slipping the spike under my skin into a vein is a like sex for me, but I'm hoping now that I've been clean a while that sex with another human will be like it was before I started all this shit. Primal animal fucking. My hair getting pulled, getting it hard from behind. All those fun things. I wonder if it will hurt again, like it did the first time. I wonder if I forgotten how to do it. Is it like riding a bike?
After I'm done with self pleasuring, I have to go for a bike ride on these back country roads. I'm suppose to quit smoking again today. I want to. I too expensive to smoke, but being on a pep pill makes smoking so much fun. It makes listening to music alot of fun too. Which is why I put that whole Elliott Smith passage in my blog. Now its time to get Hawaii off my mind.
Love to everyone who reads this blog.
Anna Grace Young