I just wrote this long drawn out blog, and my computer shut down on me and now I have to start all fucking over. That shit fucking sucks.
Well, lastnight at around 2am I woke up startled. I swear on my sister's grave that I herd someone wispering my name in my ear. I was so confused I got up and looked around to see if someone was up whispering in my ear and then running from my room just to fuck with me. I went to look at my parents and my dog started barking at me so I ran from their room. When I woke up I was really hot, and my hair was all wet with sweat, so I got some water to drink. Then I went into my room to smoke a ciggarett. I thought I was awake enough to smoke, but I ended up putting a hole in my comforter with my ciggarett. I had just bought a new one, because my old one had so many ciggarett burn from nodding out on it, It became uncomfortable for me to sleep with. So now the one I just bought like last week has two ciggarett burns in it. I was so fucking mad at myself. I would have rather burned myself that that damned blanket, but nope I burn something that won't heal. Oh well, this morning I woke up and the burns aren't that big so I can still use the blanket without looking like some kind of junky whore. My dad is always on my ass about me nodding out with ciggaretts in my hand. My bedroom floor is full of ciggarett burns. There is only one out here in the living room. I only nodded out completely once here on the couch in front of my dad. He chewed me a new asshole after that. I never will do it again. As soon as I feel the wave of tiredness come over me I run for my room and shut the door. I try not to smoke, but I can't help it. Oh yes, I started smoking again. Camel Wide Blues. My parents used to buy me my own smokes, but now I have to buy them on my own. The Ritalin make me need to smoke. Chain smoke in fact. Thats why I need the Camel Wides. They have a lot more tobacco in them and burn slower. The tobacco might be just a slight of the eye, but they for sure burn slower.