Thursday, August 26, 2010

Negatavie Nelley

Last night I spent the night over at that guys house. It was a strange day and night. It started out normal. I got there, and that guy and I had oral sex. I came, he came, I swallowed. I wish I could get a dildo of his cock exactly. I know they make kits for that, but keeping a hard on for that long has to be a feat? They are expensive too. We looked at them when we went to the porn shop, and didn't buy it because of those two reasons. Now I'm beginning to doubt myself. To have Princess Sophia with me all the time. I can have it here whenever I want to fuck. Since that guy lives so far from me, and I only get to see him once a week, my urges can be satisfied. This morning durning a blow job I rubbed my two front teeth along his cock, and now his cock has boo boos on it. I feel terrible. From now on lips over the teeth at all times. This morning I didn't swallow, I wanted to see the cum. I love watching cum.

I keep nodding out. I snorted too much Valium last night. So where it gets strange, first off that guys brother's girlfriend had to get rid of their cats because they were sick, and didn't have the money to pay for the vet bills. So they found a no kill shelter and brought the two cats there. Natalie was very broken up over it. I stayed at the house with her and we did some Valium. We straightened others hair. Then when the boys got back, we went grocery shopping. That guy picked out some steaks and decided that we were going to grill out. When we get back from the grocery store Natalie's mom come by, and Natalie finds out that her thirty four year old brother died. He died of a heart attack, it was his third heat attack. He wasn't fat or anything. I think he did coke when he was younger and it affected his heart.

I really felt horrible for her, because I know what it feels like to loose a sibling. She felt the same as i did. She worried about he mom most. I worried about my parents most too, because its a parents worst nightmare to loose a child.

Fuck right now there is a fly buzzing around me, and it keeps landing on me and then I'll swoosh it away and it'll land on me in a different place. It so fucking annoying. Flys AR as attracted to me as they are to shit. Probably because I am shit. I hate myself and want to die so much.

This whole time while I was at that guys house, I could tell that I like him more than him likes me. For instance, I was sitting it the back seat of the car with him, and I wanted to look at him because he is so hot. I wanted to kiss him, so I crawled over and kissed him neck. I kissed his neck and I went back to sitting in my seat. He went back reading on his off his blackberry about serial killers.

Just now I texted him telling him I writing a blog about how I like him mote than he likes me, and he didn't text back. Just sending the message, yep I don't really like you that much, but I like fucking you so I'm not going to say something to fuck that up. The sex though, we need to spice things up. I need to do some reverse cowgirl, and some side by side sex. We've gotten into a routine already. I know what he likes, and I please him. I'm more of a giver than a taker in bed.

Oh yes, yesterday I bought them groceries. I forgot that I had food stamps, and I have to spend that money by the end of the month or its gone. Since we are moving in a week, we can't be buying food just to pack up and move. So I did them a favor and brought their skinny asses to the store and bought them food. Then that guy made us steaks on the grill. They were very good steaks. Then I went to the gas station and bought a bottle of Southern Comfort, and wound up getting myself very drunk.

That guys brother went a little wild after his girlfriend left for Illinois after she found out her brother had passed away. First he invited a friend from work over. That guy and his brother tried to teach, that guys, brother's friend how to play magic the card game. Then they left to bring his friends car back to his house and walked back. When they got back, I could just tell that Rory had pills in his pocket. I asked what kind of pills he had, he had a Valium, some other pill, and a 10 milligram Oxycontin. No big deal if your not just getting off Methadone. No big deal if your girlfriend just didn't leave you alone for the first time in five years because her brother , Yes it is a big deal because he just go off the Methadone a month ago, his girlfriend is gone because her brother just died, and hes alone for the first time in five years. Then his friend invites these 19 year old girls over. Two of them. Then he wants to leave with is friend and these young girls. That guy try to talk some sense into him, by saying, man if you got put in jail. Still he leaves.

As soon as he leaves, I tell that guy about the Oxy 10 that his brother had, that he shared with me. I knew I wa the biggest idiot In the world. To use an opiate while getting off of Methadone. Especially when its so little, and we split it. Why did I let his brother do something so dangerous. Something I knew he shouldn't be doing, something I knew I shouldn't be doing, but when it was there in front in front of our faces saying no seemed impossible. I wish Rory wouldn't behave. I wish Jess would have kept me locked up in his room for a sex fest for the time I was over there.

Why do you think God made me so ugly? It sucks being me. I see those pretty 19 year old girls and am instantly jealous of how beautiful and thin they are. Even when I was 19 I may have been thin, but I was never beautiful. When I was 18 I thought one day I was looking good, and it was lunch at high school. I had been exercising and was down to 115 lbs, my hair was bleach blond, my make up was perfect, my curls were perfect, my out fit was perfect, and I was walking into the Alternative school feeling good about myself, when a car full of boys drives past and a few scream out the window, "ANNA, YOU WILL NEVER BE PRETTY, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE UGLY. " I wanted to run back to my car and drive home and hide, but I had to go to school, so I walked in the school. a few tears dripped from my eyes, but I got to them before anyone saw me. I never dressed up for school again except for graduation day. My mom took a photo of me on graduation day and I hid from the photo, but recall that I don't look as hideous as I had imagined myself looking because those boys tormenting me that in high school. That day I'll never forget ass long as I live. They say it takes 10 positive comments to make up for on negative one. I think that negative comments gonna take 100 positive comments to make up for that one negative one.

14 comments:

Sweden said...

10 M is like nothing, i do 120 M usually (an 80 and an 40)

anyway Anna you are NOT ugly, try to love yourself

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

sometime if you're needing somethin to write about, tell us why you think that you feel you're so ugly?? i mean, you're smart, you know that there must be a reason you are so hell-bent on feeling you are just butt ugly. because i'm gonna tell it to you straight, girl. You are NOT UGLY AT ALL. i don't say shit to be nice. i'm not that nice, and i'd just ignore that shit if i thought damn, she really is ugly. ya know? i agree with Sweden, try to love yourself. i have to do it too, so i know it ain't easy.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I think this is wise, and I agree (AT LEAST 100):
I think that negative comments gonna take 100 positive comments to make up for that one negative one.

Now I'm not saying this just to be nice, but your have a beautiful face. You, like me, just need to drop a few pounds. Honestly, I think you are very pretty. Kids are just mean if you are not in the popular crowd in school.

And Sweden is my good friend, and she would not say that you are not ugly if you were. Sweden is very honest and doesn't lie about stuff like that. Okay?

Have a great weekend, Anna. Love you dear.

SB

Brother Frankie said...

agree with sweden... although she doesnt like me..

Sweden said...

because you are a bible thumper lol

Anonymous said...

hahaha poor Frankie
Anna you are really pretty,
you have beatiful eyes..
and what's most important is that
you seem to have a really interesting personality, you really do.
When I was in highschool boys also bothered me telling me I was ugly and stuff but whatever..
who are THEY to tell YOU what you are? huh?

Brother Frankie said...

sweden...sounds like yer startin to like me..

Anonymous said...

SUCK IT. LOLOLOLOL.

Anna Grace said...

Sweden,
Thanks, but please I have a mirror.

I know 10mg is nothing, thats why I did a line with him, so he wouldn't get high so it wasn't a real relapse.

I feel like its my fault that he relapsed because I brought over Valium and Clonazepam and we snorted them together. What a stupid thing to do. I hate myself.

Anna Grace said...

Tatyanna,
Thanks for the compliments. I ended up writing that blog that you asked for. Sorry it takes me so long to answer my comments. I should do it as soon as I get them, or at least in the same week.

Anna Grace said...

SB,
It sure does take 100 postive compliments to make up for 1 negeative comment. People aren't so willing to give out heatfelt meaningful postive compliemts.Usually its just a passing you look nice today. Not a wow, you look great today. I love your hair.

Anna Grace said...

Brother Frankie,
Thanks. Learing to love ones slef is a lot harder than it seems. After hateing myself and wanting to die for so many years, loving myself would be like living on a new planet.

Anna Grace said...

Anonymous #1,
Thanks for all the compliments. I have a feeling that you meant them all. Now I just need 99 more to make up for that comment from the boys in my class.

Anna Grace said...

Anonymous #2,
"Suck it, LOLLOLLOLC!!!"

I don't get. Are you laughing because I'm ugly or because of what happened to that guys family. Either way get a life.

Hopefully your just making fun of me.