Oh wow, was lastnight a shindig to remember. I got to Green Bay around 9ish and me and Meghan talked the whole way from Oconto Falls to Green Bay about our sex lives. Poor Meghan has a kid with her man, and she doesn't feel appreciated so she's been seeking male attention else where. No she hasn't been cheating. Meghan is a big talker so I thought I could get away without having to talk about Jess too much. Just a he, "he's an amazing fuck here, and I can't wait to fuck him again there". Was I wrong. I had mistakenly told her about how he didn't want to be in a relationship with me over the phone a few nights ago when I instigated all that shit. So Meghan asks me, "why doesn't he want to be in a relationship". I didn't have an answer to that. So she pulls out my cell phone and wants me to text him and rehash all this shit that I'm totally over by now. I said, "no, I don't want to bring it up again". Meghan is like, "don't you want to know why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, why he doesn't love you"? Both good questions. Still I knew Jess was busy at work all day, and he was probably out relaxing somewhere and didn't want to hear about my bullshit. Finally Meghan gets me to leave him an e-mail asking him why about these two questions.
After that she finally left me alone about the issue, and moved back onto herself. I'm a much better listener than I am a talker. When we get to her house, her baby's daddy is watching her baby girl Sophia. I'm already, ready for the birthday party, but of course Meghan has another hour or so to go before she is ready. The party has already started, and I don't want to miss out on the blow. She changes outfits three times, her tits are huge and I get to see them. The up side of being friends with a girl who has nice breasts. Meghan lost the baby weight almost right away. She is at a pretty low dose of Methadone now, so that's the reason she lost the weight.
When she is ready to go, we leave the house, and I take a few Clonazepam to settle my nerves. I haven't seen my friend Corey in two years. Last time I saw him my apartment was surrounded by cops and my P.O. was pounding on the door with two police officers. When I opened the door I was taken down by both of the officers as if I were resisting arrest, and handcuffed. Corey was naked laying on the couch looking for his pants. We were thanking god that we had gotten rid of all the blow three hours earlier and I had swept up and washed the floors so there was no cocaine laying around on the floor. None in the freezer had any coke in a coffee cans either. No syringes in the apartment. The search came up empty, but just because I called an admitted to my councilor that I had used and wanted help to stop using I had broken the condition of my probation and was put on a P.O. hold for 13 days until they found a bed in yet another rehab for me.
When I was in Hawaii Corey called me a lot. I think he thought our relationship was more than it really was. Although even when he was "with" me he would talk about this young waitress at the bar/restaurant he worked at that he had a huge crush on, and I would tell him to try to get that underage pussy. He liked how innocent she was. I took that to mean he didn't like how dirty and used up I was. Who would? So when he would call me in Hawaii and profess his undying love for me and tell me I was the only one who truly understood him I would roll my eyes and tell him to go to bed. It was a five hour time difference between Hawaii and Wisconsin, and he would call at 11pm Hawaii time which would be four am Wisconsin time. I knew he was high on either crack or Ice.
Meghan and I get lost on our way to this party in the boondocks. I've never been out in the country of De Pere. Which isn't even Green Bay really. When we finally find the place there is only 7 or 8 cars in the parking lot. On the jukebox is hip hop music. I see Corey and his underage girlfriend. His girlfriend doesn't have a drink. He introduces us to her, her name is Heather. She is very pretty. She is short, skinny, blond, straight, thin hair, a long face, perfect teeth, white as snow. She has a tan that makes he teeth seem even whiter. You can tell she is only 18, she is nervous around us. Then Cory introduces us to some of his friends who are playing partners at pool. All of them are dressed like they think they are in some kind of hip hop music video. I can tell I'm not going to have much fun here. I ask Corey why he chose a bar so far out in the country. He says because he wanted his girlfriend to be able to come. I asked if he brought any kind of powdered refreshments, and he said, "no, did you". I said, "no, I thought you had your party way out here because you were going to have a big "blow" out".
There is a free quarter barrel, so we all get some free beer and sit down and talk for bit. We talk about how we can't believe its been so long since rehab, and how we used to go to NA meetings now were here at a bar. Drinking was never any of our problem drugs. All of us can take it or leave it. Corey's friends came over by us, and started talking their jive to us. Trying to impress us or something. We had to remind them that they were white. Not trying to be racist here, but I seriously don't think these guys knew that there were not from the ghetto. Corey never tried to act like that. His parents are rich, and he dress like a preppy little boy from a gated community.
After about a half hour of sitting around drinking slowly one of Corey's friends Nick hits on Meghan. He asks her if she wants to party. Meghan being the good friend that she is say, "yeah, I'll party, but my friend Anna needs a few lines too". Nick is says its not white, it hard, Meghan says, " I should have guess, you think your from the ghetto. Still we will do it. Where can we go and do it"? Nick takes us outside and behind the bar, where there are mosquito's up the arse. He has one of those home made small glass vodka bottle pipes. I'd seen one before one the guy I hooked Corey up with to buy blow. When it was my turn he put probably a forty dollar rock on the pipe and I lit it up. I held the carb hole and then let it go and sucked in the smoke, and that little bottle held so much smoke I couldn't get it all. I had to put my finger over the hole again to trap the smoke that I didn't get. When I took the second hit I had wished at least one hot guy was there so I could have fucked somebody. Preferably Jess. Then a wave of nausea hit and I vomited. That was some good crack. We smoked one more good sized rock and we went back inside the bar had a few more drinks. Meghan and I left after that.
I hate smoking crack. I feel dirty, and used. The high only last a few minutes and you want more and more until the next thing you know you spent your entire life savings in a week on it. So we went back to her place. It was pretty late by then. Around 1am, and Sophia was asleep, but her boyfriend was up. So we sat around and drank a few beers with him. Me and Meghan talked about life, and waited for her boyfriend to go to bed so we could talk about him.
After he fell asleep she let out a big secret. Her boyfriend hit her a few weeks ago. I mean beat her up. I told her to leave. She could come live with me and my parents for a while. Sophia could stay with us. She told me that right after it happened she packed up all her stuff and Sophia's stuff and called her mother and was going to move into her mom's house. Then he started crying. He said, he was working so much, and the heat had him in a bad mood all week. He was stressed because Sophia wouldn't stop crying because she was so hot lately, and it all came to head when Meghan yelled at him for some small thing, and he just punched her in the face, and beat the shit out of her. She said, "she could see that he was truly sorry for what he did, and that he wouldn't do it again. I told her that she is a fool. She said, " I couldn't understand because I don't have a child with someone. Its different when its the father of your child". I said hitting is hitting and getting beat up by man I don't care if its the father of ten of your children you should leave him right away. He will do it again.
When I was in high school, my boyfriend William used to use me as punching bag every time he got drunk, and I thought I deserved it. He would tell me that I was so ugly that I was lucky to have him. Nobody else would ever take me or sleep with me. When I broke up with him I was so surprised that guys hit on me, and asked me out on dates. When Pete my ex came along and we fell in love I didn't think it was possible for someone to fall in love me. I still don't. I think I lost my only chance at love because of my drug use. Now I'm unlovable. Meghan said, she feels the same way. I think that Meghan is 100% prettier than I am, and she has such low self esteem I can see why we are such good friends. I can tell her she deserves better than a man that hits her, and that she is beautiful, but she is going to do what she's going to do. One thing I can do is always be there for her. I'm a notoriously bad friend, but for Meghan I want to change that. Now that I'm moving to Green Bay we will be near each other, and can go on bike rides, and I can come over if her boyfriend ever lays a finger on her again. She can come over and visit me when she's bored and we can help each other get off and stay off drugs. I need to stop with all this coke I've been doing. Maybe once every few months is okay, but every other weekend, and cloonies like candy. I'm getting off Methadone, and Meghan still doesn't think I'll be able to do it. She's totally against me getting on Suboxone. I think its just she doesn't want me her closest friend to stop the Methadone, when she's not ready to stop at all.