Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Chokeing on the termites

Wow, what a bunch of assholes I have for commenter's. I think I could be pregnant and the assholes come out of the woodwork and tell me I should have an abortion, that I'm just trying to get that guy back. That I just want attention. For Christ sake, I was flipping out because I thought my period was a week and a half late, and the people reading this think its bullshit. Nice to know the compassion you would show me if I had been pregnant. Thank God I'm not. Me and my mom went through my birth control pills, and counted backwards, and figured out that I had been on the sugar pill for only four days. I have three to go, well now two, and I should get my period tomorrow. Which means only two days of period and I'm done. I think I'll stay on the pill because it keeps my skin clear, my periods regular, light. Since the Tramodol I'm on makes the pill ineffective I just won't tell anyone I sleep with that I'm even on the pill. They will need to use condoms, and blow their loads on my tits, and in my eye. No where near my vag. No more pregnancy scares.

As for last night, I went out and got drunk. As some anonymous person pointed out I spell Mike's long name wrong. Now I'm afraid to try an spell it. I still call him by his long name, but on here I will call him Mike. Mike works for Fed Ex, and goes to work really early in the morning, so he likes to go out early like at 5pm. Which I like too. We have the bar all to ourselves, the jukebox to ourselves, and we can talk without being interrupted. I try to help him hit on the hot bar tenders, or the hot girls that come in the bar. He refuses to help me hit on the hot guys that I like. He thinks the guys I like are weird. I told him that I'm weird, and he said he knows, but I'm a okay weird, the guys I like are a bad weird. So I told him the girls he likes are all bimbos, with too much makeup. Then he said look who's talking too much eyeliner. I said, I don't have any foundation on, and these girls must have acne gaylor because they have so much foundation on its an inch thick. If anyone sleeps at your house make sure you don't let them sleep on your white pillow cases.

In reality these girls were beautiful. They didn't need all that makeup. They were just so young, and so insecure that they felt they needed to have to have that much foundation on to make their pours smaller. All those girls needed was some mascara, some lip gloss, if they had a zit a dab of concealer, and a little blush, and however they wanted to do their eyes. I'm a big fan of doing the smoky eye, and/or liquid liner on the top lid and just mascara on my lashes.

Last night Mike brought a few friends that came along later in the night. I found out that Mike is 31 years old. In high school he was a stoner, but he quit smoking pot for his job at Fed Ex. I got along with all of them. Not all of them were guys. Two of them were girls. Lisa, and Sarah. Sarah is out of a job right now, and living with he parents, but she is only 25, so we have something in common. Lisa works at a bank, she just got a promotion and is doing loans now. The other three friends he had were boys. I don't remember all there names. I do remember Sam, He has long hair wears death metal t-shirts. Same age as Mike. Both from Pulaski. Not that far from Oconto Falls.

Mike and I started drinking hard at 5ish, and his friends didn't get there until after 7pm, so we had a good head start on them. By 10 me and Mike were hammered. I had to walk home a few blocks, and Mike like an idiot had to drive. His friends and I told him to get a cab, but he was an idiot and drove. He likes over by me, but he drove there, he could have walked with me, but he kept saying men don't walk home from the bar. Idiotic shit. He made it home fine, he texted me this morning when I had to get up at six and he had to get up at like four am. I don't know how he does it. Its nice to have someone new to text. I can't wait for his text like I couldn't wait for Jess' texts. He's super funny. Still I'm not sexually attracted to him. Just friends.

Lately its been in the lower 60's here in Wisconsin, but this morning I wake up at 6am with a hangover, and I go out onto the porch to smoke a cigarette and to my surprise its 80 degrees out. Our A/C was already was on. I had to get up early because I had to go to the clinic early this morning because I had a Physc. Doctor's appointment at 9:15am. I went to the Dr. appointment, and I told him all about my pregnancy scare, about breaking up with Jess, we talked about everything, then we made the date for me start Suboxone. This time before I start Suboxone I go three days without any Methadone before I start the Suboxone. So I'm in full blown withdrawals when I start.

I also got my Clonazepam taken down a bit. Instead of 1mg three times a day, it is a half a mg twice a day, and one mg at night.


Anonymous said...

Don't you ever get tired of living a shitty life??? It's like you do the same thing over and over and only the name of the guy changes. You're never going to amount to anything more than a druggie whore that guys use and throw out when they see how crazy you are.

Anonymous said...

Why the fuck do you need clonazepam? It's not like you have this stressful life or anything. And are you fucking kidding me? A person with an IQ of 10 can count birth control pills. The drugs really fried your brain.

Anonymous said...

Sympathy? Do you know where your child would have ended up? On stokiejaye.com "Hello my name is Jess Jr. and my mom is a junky and a whore".

Anonymous said...

Anonymous: you are a sneaky, backstabbing bitch/bastard. You must be from that nasty little town called Oconto Falls?
I will tell you something...what goes around comes around. It is just the way the life is..so be prepared because one day is coming around and going to hit you right square in the face.

BMelonsLemonade said...

Not all your commenters are assholes! Suboxone is excellent. I think it is a much better route than methadone. It is much better for you, and it is easier to get
back to a normal life on suboxone. Plus, it is easier to detox from when you decide you are finished with it. You will be okay those two days. I am not saying you won't be uncomfortable because you probably will be...but you can tough it out for a couple of days. It will be worth it. Good for you! From my experience, suboxone is much more manageable than methadone. Plus, you won't have to go the clinic every day. Good for you, Anna!

BMelonsLemonade said...

Something else I would like to add...I think you were stressing about being pregnant because you did think you were late, and because you would like to be a mother one day. I commend you for realizing you are not ready now, and being aware that you do not want a methadone baby. There are a lot of women out there who do not think about it like that, and they have kids before they are ready and don't give their child the best life they can. Furthermore, suboxone is a step in the right direction to becoming responsible, and even becoming a mother one day. You can have a baby much safer on suboxone. I have a good friend who had her baby while still taking a very low dose of suboxone, and she was even able to breastfeed. You know you are not ready now, and that is definitely commendable.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dear Anonymous Cowardly Assholes,

For the fucking life of me, I don't know why you read Anna's blog. If you think she's such a mess, then why do you bother? Go fuck yourselves.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Why don't you start screening your comments and block these assaholic motherfuckers? I've about had it.



Anna Grace said...

I let them bash me because for the most part its what I'm thinking too. Just reinforces what I thought about myself.
Thanks for caring. You always make me feel better about myself.

Anonymous said...

damn where did all these haters come from?


Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

The Anonymous haters just don't know how to use the computer well enough to sign up for an account. And if they learn, they are too scared that someone will find out who they are, like, magically, and come beat their lily asses. They know their lives are sorry as hell, and on top of it, they have no talent even to write about it like Anna does.

Re Anon #2, I find it super amazing when someone who isn't ME feels qualified to comment on whether or not my life is stressful or painful or anything else. The least you could do is state your name and stand by your fucking ignorance, dipshit.

Anonymous said...

what the hell people, let the poor girl do her thing. you jerks just want to stir up trouble.

anon #86