Monday, September 27, 2010

Heaven spills onto earth and we are here to catch it and lick it up.

Nope, I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have, but I did, because I'm lame and pathetic and all those other things every mean anymous poster wrote about me. They are all true. I did what I should have not done, and I did it like a little school girl having lots of fun. I enjoyed it, and smiled when read it, I smiled when I wrote it. I smile when I think about it.

I emailed Jess, after finishing my journal. A journal where I have a private picture of his beautiful penis. I apologized and told him I was embarrassed for acting like a phscyo. I explained that I liked him so much that I just didn't understand how other women were not hooked on the Jess juice. I told him about Mike, and how we are seeing each other despite my better judgement. How I don't like him the way I liked Jess, and after seeing the picture of his engorged cock I would be texting him a break up text, but it would wait until he was done with work.

What I failed to mention is now I have nobody to go to the bar with. Which is what happens when you let yourself say yes to something you don't really want to do. Mike and I should have just remained friends.Anyway I was not expecting a response from Jess, as he has become silent on the other end of all emails and texts.

Until this particular day. What I had said had flattered him. I had sent out the first message telling him I had started seeing someone, and he had told me that was too bad because he was just going to text me for a booty call. As that message came through I had just sent out the second message that told him I was breaking it off with Mike mainly because of him. Then I replied to the booty call message. I said, I do not want to be your booty call. I cannot separate my physical body from my emotional feelings for you. He said, Too bad. Men are useless fucking animals. I seem to have fallen for one of the worst kind.

A man who just want to use me as his blow up doll until something better comes along. I think I will see him just one time, and I will be super frigid towards him, I will have only sex with him. Leaving as soon as I'm done cumming, and not stopping to kiss him. Scream as loud as I can when I cum, and wake up him whole family where he's living.

No he'd like that too much. He's just horny and wants some pussy. For whatever reason he's not looking for it else where, so he plans on using me as some sort of sex object. I admit I had planned on using him as a sex object when we first got fucked, but then...

Roles reversed.

It is among the worst feelings in the world to know that you are just a piece of meat to the person you adore. I do know a cure to this emotional suffering, it involves a syringe, water, spoon, candle, cotton, Heroin. Then I could just say good bye to this tiresome, bothersome, man who is making my heart break each and every time I do correspond with him. He interferes with my cigarette breaks outside, when I over come with thoughts of him. Sexual in nature. Most my thoughts of him are sexual in nature.

Sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken.

3 comments:

dopedgirl said...

This entry killed me...made my heart sink (ugh, hate cliches). But...I know the feeling...you are so desperately in love with a man and they can have sex with you and throw you away like a used fucking tampon. Every time I would feel horrible about my ex boyfriend like this I would call dope boy and shit feelings would blow away. Fucking magic. Now, I have to deal with it sober...

elizabeth said...

Anna, you do not love him! You just have nothing else in your life and the sex was great so you think you do! Geez, I know you are smarter than that, move on! PLEASE??

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth is so fuckin right,
and as you say "Sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken" just because he says ''oh I wanted to call you for a booty call'' doesnt mean he really does, he just wanna make to someone what his girlfriend did to him.....