I have a sore tooth. The last tooth on the right bottom of mouth. I've been taking Advil like a maniac, I surprised my stomach hasn't been ripped up yet. Aside from my tooth ache, I've been feeling better. Now that all the Heroin is out of my body and I'm going down slowly on the Methadone again I'm just suffering mildly from the Methadone withdrawal. Still sweating a lot while sleeping, and diarrhea. Smoking like a chimney is the one habit I can hold on to, and know that nobody can say that I HAVE to stop smoking. So I smoke every 15 minutes. It would be more if I could smoke in the house.
I mentioned in my last blog that there is this guy at the clinic that I like. Today I learned his name. He asked me for two dollars for gas money because his car was low on petrol and he had a ways to go to get home. So I gave him all the quarters I had in my wallet.He asked me my name first, and he must have felt that we were close enough that he felt comfortable enough to ask me for two dollars. So after I gave him the two dollars I asked if I could give him my phone number. He said sure. So I gave him my number. I know this was too forward. If he liked me he would have asked me for my phone number. Its just I'm leaving the clinic soon and he doesn't know that. Soon I won't see him most mornings and he wouldn't have the chance to ask me for my number. As if he ever would. I don't have my hopes up that he's gonna call, I just gave him my number so I wouldn't regret it for the rest of my life. Like I would look back on my life and on my death bed I would say what would have happened if I had given that guy from the Methadone clinic my phone number? He is desperately cute, and has big brown eyes that look so sad and full of worry, with brown hair. He wears riped jeans in the knees. Old t-shirts, a red jacket, he has tattoos on his hands, I've never seen his arms so I don't know if he has any on his arms. He's thin, but not really, really skinny.
I should get over that whole thing before it even starts because its not going to start. There is no lovers moon in my futer. This is why I like smack so much more than humans. Its always there, and it doesn't know if your pretty or smart. It just goes into a needle and that needle goes into your vein and that juice in that needle goes to the opiate receptors in your brain, and from there it feels just like being in love. It feels better than sex. That's what I would say on dope, but when I'm not on dope, sex is the most amazing thing. I love doing the big nasty. Now that I have hardly any dope in my system sex seems like it would be the most fun a girl could have. Thanks to Jess I have a brand new dildo, and a bullet, and a clit tickler. In the shower yesterday I noticed my clit was really sensitive so I as soon as I got out I ran to room and got the clit tickler and tickled to the image of Kurt Cobain until I came screaming his name. Sometimes I rub one out to Michale Pitt.
Speaking of Michale Pitt, (spelling?) he's in this new show on HBO called Empire Boardwalk and its a good show. Its on Sunday's at 8pm. I didn't start watching until one day I decided to watch it on HBO on Demand just to check it out, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the show was very entertaining.
My life is super boring. You'd think I'd do something to change that. Instead I just go to the bar every now and then when I have money. I should take a class in English Lit, do something to entertain my mind. Instead I'm and idiot kid with lazy bones, and a fat ass. I got to go.