The wind is wiping the trees out of ground, the rain is pouring out of the clouds in torrents, forget an umbrella the minute you open it, it would be blown inside out. Driving the Jeep to the clinic was a feat in itself, the wind was making the Jeep swerve, and the tires are bald so at every stop light getting started the tires would spin, so I would have to start out twice and slowly. The sky is so gray you had to have your lights on because it was like 6pm dark out. Not even a hint of sun was coming through the thick cloud cover. I imagine I'm in Seattle.
People always say Green Bay is a small city, but they don't know that there are surrounding cities like Ashwabanon, Allowaz, Bell view, De Pere, and all those cities have at least 100,000 people in them. Green Bay has 100,000 people, so do all those surround cities so really there is 500,000 people in the area. All packer fans. Hardcore Packer fans. I drive past the Packer stadium every day on my way to the clinic. No where near as many people in Seattle, but more than they always say when there is a Packer game in town, and they talk about how small Green Bay is. I guess it really is small, because Seattle has surrounding areas too, and just counting Seattle they have probably a million people. The closest place there is a big city in Wisconsin is Milwaukee, which is about three hours away Chicago. Milwaukee is two hours away from here. Chicago is 5 hours away from here. I've been there a lot. I used to go there at least once a week to buy Heroin. West side of Chicago into the Ghetto. I lived a little closer, I lived in Menasha which made it a four hour drive. I maneuvered the city quite well for country girl.
Sorry for veering off course, I just had to say my peace about the size of the city I live in. Back to where I was, I get to the clinic, and I run into clinic. There is only two people ahead of me. Today I go down on my dose, I stopped having them tell me what milligram I'm at. I don't want to know. I think I'd have worse withdrawals if I knew, physcological effects. I know I'm down to a pretty low dose, because my last day is November 13th, and that date is coming up faster than I want it to. Then I go three days without anything, then I go to my Pshyc. Doctor and start the Suboxone on November 16 at 1:30pm. Today though I watched her pour the Methadone into the cup and unlike before I got kicked out and the cup was half full of Methadone now the cup has just a few drops of Methadone in it.
After I dose I get back in the Jeep and drive home. On the way home the rain has stopped, but the clouds are still thick and I still need my head lights one. The road is still slick and my bald tires are giving me grief. My dad had given me his debit card so he could pay me back the one hundred and forty dollars that I had borrowed him a few weeks ago. I get the money out of the ATM machine and then I buy some donuts for my mom, dad, and myself.
I get home, and my parents go straight for the donuts, I go outside and smoke a cigarette. This is my fucking day so far.
You wonder what will I do with the rest of my day? Well, most likely I will write one to three pages on my new book about middle school from a self imposed outcast girls perspective. A girl who's only goal in life is to use Heroin. Loosely based fiction. Then I'll smoke a lot of cigarettes, try to take a nap, but since I've been going down on my Methadone I can't nap anymore. Not even if I take a Clonazepam. My parents are out shopping, and me and Eleanor are home alone. I'm watching What not to wear. I wonder what I would be doing if I lived across the pond? Probably something cool. Next month I'll be doing something with my days every other day at 3pm. I might read today. I plugged in my Nook, and decided I'm going to finish the bio of Elliott Smith finally. Its time I finish the book. I want to know about Elliott, and I want to read more again so I can write more.
Anyone have any good books you think I would like. Something classic, something I can take from as a writer. The last book that I read through fast and enjoyed a lot was Breaking Dawn from the Twilight series. I've read other books since then, but they have been hard to get through. Maybe I'm going thru a John Grisham fase, I mean not just him, but number one best sellers. Instead of the classics. I think I forgot what I meant to do when I started to read the classics. I decided to read one or two classics in between books that I really want to read. Its hard to find a book on the Nook, because you don't get to see books you might like. You have to go on line and look at books. I would like to go to barns and noble and look at the books there and then download them onto the Nook.
I never mentioned that my book, I Hate Myself and Want to Die will be coming out March 2011 and will be for sale on Amazon.com, and in book stores. It will also be available on my blog. I will soon be posting excerpts on my blog from my book. I think I have posted some of my book in older post, but I don't know where. If anyone has read all of my posts and knows where the parts of my book are please do tell me. I don't want to ruin the ending for you, but unlike other books it doesn't have a happy go lucky ending. Life doesn't have happy go lucky endings. Life goes on after bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Some good things happen though and it mixes both. I self published because I didn't want to wait for a publisher to decide they did or didn't want to publish it. I didn't even know what publishers to send it out to. So I spent 600 dollars and published it myself. I get 20 copies for myself to do with as I please, and I get those before the March 2011 date. I'm not sure when, but I get to see if I like the cover art, and the editing before it goes out for sale. I've read the book so many times, that I'm sick of it. I have to read it again when I get my 20 copies to see if the editing is what I wanted.
Time for spell check.