Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Flowers

Going from junk high to junk sickness is perhaps a little like transforming from a plant into an animal. Plants don't need emotions, pain, or sex.  When your high you don't feel any of those things. Getting off junk your turning back into an animal, which needs emotions, pain, and sex. So the cells are shifting or dying when your going thru withdrawals. When a junky is full of junk or on the nod they look dead and feel nothing, what I imagine a plant feels like, or rather lacks feeling. A non Junky looks alive, does and feels things. So getting high every day is like dying and coming back to life a little bit until you take your next shot.
That's what I'm thinking death is like. Its like being high. That is if there is a soul or whatever you'd like to call it. If there is no soul then being dead is like being in a dreamless sleep.
I'm not fixated on death today, I just was reading Junky and he gave me this theory. He has science behind his theory, unlike mine.
Actually I'm feeling manic lately. My pep pills are working better now that I'm off the Methadone, and I drink a lot of coffee. Grind my teeth.
I really fucking hate the cold weather, I want to be in Hawaii, and should be. If my mom didn't like where she lived so much we would be in Hawaii in a week. December they were suppose to move .
I can't blog much, I have to go to Shopko to pick up my Suboxone.
I wonder what you think being dead is like, and if its comparable to being high? I  imagine religious people will say heaven and hell, depending how you lived your life. Since I lived mine addicted to a substance hells fire shall burn eternal of my soul. I was saved, remember, at curves by a lady who thought I needed to be saved right at that moment. I don't know if that's in this blog, or on my old myspace blog.

14 comments:

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Anna,
In your photos, you look VERY ALIVE. You have that SPARKLE, a gleam in your blue eyes.
Welcome to the land of the living!!!!!
I have no idea what death is like.
I hope it's a happening place, but really I think it might be REALLY DULL.So hopefully I'm not going there anytime soon.
I am a caffeine fanatic too.
You're a deep thinker, aren't you?
j.

Gledwood said...

anna i can't find the comment you mentioned

why you getting ritalin if you get bipolar? wont it send yuo over the top:

Gledwood said...

you're dead on about the plant thing

wish i were a burmese opium poppy

Gledwood said...

you're dead on about the plant thing

wish i were a burmese opium poppy

BMelonsLemonade said...

When I read the first few lines of this post, I was going to say, "Oh, how Burroughsesque of you!"...but, then you said it for me. Being dead could be just a void, though. It may not be a numb and unfeeling ride where you are still here, in a sense, like being high. But, instead, it may just be nothingness, a complete void. It is almost an impossible concept to fathom, and a real scary one when we try to fathom it. So, the ideas of heaven and religious afterlife pop up to help mankind deal with the ideas of death and loss. I do not think we die and go on to some bullshit utopia place if we are good, or we burn in a pit of hell if we are bad, but I also do not think it is like being high. I believe Burroughs is more figurative when talking about death here. He often plays with the idea that on junk, he is already dead...not dead in flesh and bone, but instead dead in mind and spirit. My opinion, anyway...but Burroughs is my favorite writer. I have read every single one of his books. His son was also a writer, who had quite an interesting story. I have also read his son's two books, as well as every biography I have ever seen about either of the Burroughs men. You should check out "Word Virus" if you want to delve into Burroughs a little more. It gives biographical information, coupled with various writings, letters, and excerpts from his work. It is kind of like an all inclusive story of his life, and overveiw of his work. I cannot say which of his works is my favorite, sometimes I like his later and more abstract work like from "My Education" or "The Cat Inside," and I always love "The Wild Boys," and who could forget his work of Kim Carson (AKA Neil Cassady) and the old west in works like "Place of Dead Roads." but..."Junky" may still be my favorite. And of course, "Naked Lunch" is always awesome. He did some really great work with poet Bryon Gysin called cut-ups...where he really played with words and sound. He also has a Claymation movie he made with Francis Ford Coppola called "The Junky's Christmas", and who could forget his cameo in "Drugstore Cowboy", which is a great role! Have you ever seen the pictures of Burroughs with Kurt Cobain? Kerouac actually has a book called Dr. Sax, and the character of Dr. Sax is an interpretation of the Burroughs character from one who knew him well...and interesting portrayal of my favorite author! Anyway...I could go on and on about Burroughs, but I have to go write now, as I have set a goal to knock out twenty pages of work, at least, today. Check out Word Virus...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I don't believe in hell. My grandma used to say hell is right here on Earth. I think so too.

Love you, Anna.

BMelonsLemonade said...

@SB, my dad used to say the exact same thing. And at times, his argument for the theory is quite strong!

Gledwood said...

Anna my email is hammynutter@lycos.com please would you get in touch I wanted to ask you something HIGHLY EMBARRASSING AND PERSONAL. You'll know the post is mine because it's labelled "genital warts". I just knew you could help..!

JOKE!!

I love the blue wig btw. V funky. Please do email, not about warts, about another issue I need to resolve without causing offence, and I don't know how to. You definitely do.

Love xx
from FREEZING COLD LONDON
:-)

Gledwood said...

ps re hit counters etc google do do stats but it's page views only

when i get back tonight i'll try AT LONG FUCKING LAST to get this counter set up for you and you'll know 100% how many people visit and from where. I use 2, statcounter and sitemeter. They give slightly different readings but sitemeter gives a lot of "unknown location" which is crap, when they know the time zone. Ie most of those unknowns in my case are definitely UK as no other major country uses GMT.

You definitely want these counters, right? I had good enough B to fire me up tonigt to get it done. I'll set up the email and we could do that 2 old ladies joke, remember blogging how outraged we are at the neighbours riding the lawnmower naked and bending sunbathing in the greenhouse when they think no-one's looking. We could have such fun with that. Imagine if it went viral and everyone believed it hahahahahar!

Anna Grace said...

Melons,
I've downloaded word virus, Burroughs is also one of my favorite authors also. I've the book Junky four times. Wild boys and Queer are my second favs.
Thanks for read.

Anna Grace said...

Gled,
You don't have to put up a hit counter anymore. The stats are fine.

I emailed you, you must email me back.

You sound nice and high.

Gledwood said...

far better than I was

have to go out, i'll be back by midnightish i hope

i'm on a mission

Sarcastic Bastard said...

BMelonsLemonade,
Yeah, I think there's a good argument to be made, too.

Gledwood said...

I'm addicted to your blog again, darling. A lot of us are. You've got something really special. As for the Anonymouses slagging you off, people who cannot have the faintest idea how clinical depression feels, let alone bipolar or opiate addiction, take them as what they are. Backhanded compliments. As the old saying goes "only thing worse than being talked about is NOT being talked about". Shows you're pushing people's buttons. Like all great writers do.
Come on Anna, we want to see you in print. You have so much to give to the world and a unique way of telling your stories.
Don't let the bastards get you down.