I think some of you have the wrong impression of me and my new found sobriety with Suboxone. You seem to think it is what I want. By no means is it what I want. I've been backed into a corner by my parents and forced to clean up my act or forced to face the wrath of my father's empirical reign, and my mother's un sympathetic, and cruel way of beating me down when I'm using. Forcing me to feel as guilty as possible when I use. I can't stand to see them all up in arms when I'm out using. Plus I'm living in Wisconsin where I have to drive three to four hours to get Heroin. If I were in Hawaii I would no doubt be using Heroin and hiding it from my parents. Every side glance from my father would be dismissed with a I'm not feeling well, or I'm tired.
I am no where near ready to get off dope. I am ready to just start getting deep into the muck again. So don't get the wrong idea. I maybe doing well now, but its all up in the air. Its yet another forced sobriety. I've been backed into a corner by people I feel bigger than I. Forced to clean up my act, and make a pretty smile while doing so. The moment I'm let loose, the moment Heroin falls into my lap again it will be injected into my vein.
All day every day I think about Heroin. I love it, I crave it, I want it, I'll die for it.
I know I'm fucked up.