Thursday, December 9, 2010

How to make it in the real world?

Yesterday I was suppose to go to Jess' house and have casual sex with him. I just couldn't put myself through it, and I cancelled. All day I dreaded going over there and just before I was going to leave I sent an email saying something had come up and I was unable to come over. He said he too was busy.  I was so thankful. I got to watch Survivor, and Criminal Minds, and fall asleep on the couch. I watched the stats on my blog, and wow did I have a lot of people read my post yesterday. Over 500. Which is a lot for me.

I must say I was disappointed by the response I got from my novel. I must let you all know I self published the book. It costed near one thousand dollars, for publishing, and editing. They are editing my grammar, spelling, and syntax. The one thing I'm worried about is the mistake I made not getting facts right about the way Methadone works. I went through yesterday and did a quick edit myself which as Belle pointed out made the post redundant, and the grammar, and syntax was still horrid. BmelonsLemonade helped a lot by giving me a nearly full edit of what I posted. I learned so much from her. She herself is writing a book, which is much better than mine, and you can read excerpts at, her book is about being a junky during Hurricane Katrina, from glimpse of the book I just know she will be published by a real publisher.

I have class today. We are reading Poetry in class right now. Leaves of Grass. We are to write our own Poetry and submit it to our professor, who will grade it on originality. I have old poems that I could use, but I'm working on a poem right now. Normally it takes me a few minutes to pound out a poem. This time I'm trying to take what I've learned from readings of the Leaves of Grass.

Starting January fourteenth I will be taking English Composition. Hopefully in this class I will be able to take the book I'm working on now, the book about a middle school girl without a clique and all her trials and tribulations, and the professor will take the time to help me work on the grammar, sentence structure, style, my verbs, etc. Spelling is just lost on me. It makes me look stupid, but I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.

To be truthfull, I lost sleep over the comments I got on my novel. I should have posted a few pages before I sent if off to be edited and to be published. Since I self published I had no deadline to send the book in, and could have honed my skills as writer if I had waited till I took this English Composition class. I could have done a re write...a second draft. Perhaps the book wouldn't fall flat. Perhaps some anonymous editor won't be making my book readable (hopefully) instead of me.

I think it was the stress from posting part of my book and the negative feedback that made me not in the mood for a bootycall. I was a bit depressed. It took me so long to get that story out of me. I would write 50 pages here, and then lose interest for a few months, then gain interest again, but the Methadone would put me on the nod while I was trying to write so I couldn't knock out as many pages I would have liked to. So at times it was written two, three pages at a time. Then I would get on another kick and would write another 50 pages in two or three days. Staying up all night and day just typing, typing, typing. Sometimes I would write out longhand first so I could work on my sentence structure. Which obviously I had no idea what I was doing. I would read, and re read authors that I admired and try to copy their style.

Oh well, its my first attempt at writing a novel. Its not the only novel I have in me. I love to write, and I'm not going to stop. Schooling is what I need, and schooling is what I'll get. It gives me a reason to stay off drugs. Not often do I find a reason to stay off drugs. Writing, knowing others will read and judge gives me a high. Why the hell do you think I blog so much. Why do you think I want your approval so badly. I constantly journal in my paper journal. Nearly everynight before bed. Lastnight I wrote about how disappointed I was by my blog comments, how thankfully I was for BmelonsandLemonade, how I'm totally over Jess(I think). I went into depth there. Boring stuff, you've all herd it before.

I wish I had a quarter for everyone who reads this blog. If I charged a quarter to read this blog, nobody would read it. Does anyone know how to put up a paypal donation thingy on my blog? I would never charge anyone to read this drivel, but if they would like to make a donation... I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this. I'm going to google it anyway. If you know how to do this email me at

To everyone, happy December Holidays


BMelonsLemonade said...

Anna...don't give up, and don't let it get you down. You have the part of writing that cannot be taught...the raw skill and the passion...the rest can be learned. After looking at your work yesterday, I went back to some of my journals from five years ago, and I saw a lot of the same problems I found with yours. Run on sentenes, passive voice, punctuation, and spelling errors. There were a lot of similarities, as I think when we both write, it just pours out. Now that I have taken a lot more classes, I have honed the skill more. Some writers do not even have the ideas and the passion...anyone can be taught grammar, but not everyone can write. Remember that!!! Thanks for the link to my blog, by the way. Look for an email from me sometimes today, with the rest of the pages. I also have a few cool writing exercises I found in some old classwork to share with you. Another thing with self publication is the distribution can still get you a book it through your blog, girl. Also, think about marketing it through social media as well. I will include a few words about that in my email, too! Don't give up....You are on the right path...passion and voice cannot be taught, and you have both these things.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

BMelons is right Anna. You are a natural writer. The rest can be learned. I write/edit for a living, and I agree with her.



Trying to take it one day at a time said...

Well, for what it's worth, I thought your writing was fantastic. Yea, it needs tweaked, but whose wouldn't. You put yourself out there and I respect you for it. Nice job!

BMelonsLemonade said...

Anna...I wanted to add something. Writing a book is a feat that not many can accomplish AT ALL. When I finished mine the other day, it felt so fucking good...not unlike heroin(although a very, very small little snort!), but it felt really great. Getting a few articles published here and ther feels fucking great. It is a high of its own. In a writing trance, I feel like I am high. There are times I have written about shooting coke, and my heartbeat quickened. And your writing is a great reason to stay clean. School is another reason. And school is for writing, so its all interconnected. When I was in college fifteen years ago, I was getting high, and not taking all the opportunities right in front of me...I only cared about getting high. Sometimes I think about what I could be if I had utilized that first round with college. There will be a lot of opportunities in college for networking, publishing, and learning. Don't make those same mistakes I did with school, Anna. (The mom in me is coming out now...) Seriously, Anna, take your best opportunities with school. Stay clean, and gain everything you can from your education. You will be surprised that you will not only learn, but you will make valuable connections in the writing world. And you will be handed golden opportunities for publishing (maybe small publications, but small or large...published is fucking published!) Please, Anna...let writing be your reason to not get high...and let school be what you focus on. And I promise, eventually things will start to fall in place for you. That is just the way the universe works...

BMelonsLemonade said...

And I want to agree with one should be applauded for putting yourself out there. One of the things I admire about you is that you do put yourself out there, and you take criticism and listen honestly to it. You take an honest look at yourself...these are qualities that a lot of people do not have. Think of all the people you know who think they are all that, and think of all the humble and realistic people you know...we all know more people who lie to themselves for self preservation...these people do not grow, they shrink.

Gledwood said...

You don't need to copy anyone's style or sentence structure. Of course everybody learns from writers they admire. You know you are the first YOU. No need to be a copy of anybody else when you're that original

Valerie said...

There ya go again, beatin' yaself up once more! You a masochist or something? When I was a Working Girl I made good dough whacking businessmen on the arse with pinpong bats. Got paid a fortune for that one. But enough about my fusty old life.
If I had a book publisher I'd call it China White Press, yours would be the first I'd take on, and I'd pay ya in 700g Double Lion Brand A Grade Chinese Heroin and a gigantic pot of neat dilaudid. Now how does THAT sound..!!

Valerie said...

Sorry Babes, had to delete a half arsed comment. That's what happens when you have to dictate through a hole in the wall to a Chinese prostitute who's scrawling ya words on toilet paper!

Here's what I said:

There ya go again, beatin' yaself up once more! You a masochist or something? When I was a Working Girl I made good dough whacking businessmen on the arse with pinpong bats. Got paid a fortune for that one. But enough about my fusty old life. Point is, stop beating yourself up and let me do it for ya. If you got decent money, of course.
Wouldn't go back to stuff like that, what with the ninternational heroin trade and all, but for you I'd make an exception. I always did women at a 50% cut price. Less than $1000 a sesh.

O but ya paid that money to get in print. Ho hum. I still want a copy sent to my Sydney jail cell for Xmas, do you hear. I got a lovely parcel of Panda Brand heroin I desperately need someone to try. Panda means it's whacko stuff. Last person who took a dose was that Gledwood. Still hasn't come down, by all accounts!!

If I had a book publisher I'd call it China White Press, yours would be the first I'd take on, and I'd pay ya in 700g Double Lion Brand A Grade Chinese Heroin and a gigantic pot of neat dilaudid. Now how does THAT sound..!!

Valerie said...

Oh bloody hell. The comment's still there. Chinese prostitutes. What can ya do with them..! (Don't answer...)

Arkh, you take it down. The first crappo short one.

Or just don't bother. Bloody computers.

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

You are a talented & passionate writer.
What's up with the happy December holidays.
Are you leaving the blog for awhile.
That sucks.I hope not.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

girl, i would pay 25 cents to read your blog for sure, not even lying... and i have a degree from a real university and everything :) it's in english grammar and literature, matter of fact, so i just want you to know that i'm educated and stuff and still i would read your blog. but it IS quite nice that it's free :)

not at all bragging about school and stuff, rather, i knew you'd probly say oh, yeah, she'd read it but she's probly some loser that never read a book in her life. i know how you downplay your talents, girl.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

oh, p.s. is that your email address, for real, at "ymail"? i just never heard of it but wanna send you somethin.