Yesterday I was suppose to go to Jess' house and have casual sex with him. I just couldn't put myself through it, and I cancelled. All day I dreaded going over there and just before I was going to leave I sent an email saying something had come up and I was unable to come over. He said he too was busy. I was so thankful. I got to watch Survivor, and Criminal Minds, and fall asleep on the couch. I watched the stats on my blog, and wow did I have a lot of people read my post yesterday. Over 500. Which is a lot for me.
I must say I was disappointed by the response I got from my novel. I must let you all know I self published the book. It costed near one thousand dollars, for publishing, and editing. They are editing my grammar, spelling, and syntax. The one thing I'm worried about is the mistake I made not getting facts right about the way Methadone works. I went through yesterday and did a quick edit myself which as Belle pointed out made the post redundant, and the grammar, and syntax was still horrid. BmelonsLemonade helped a lot by giving me a nearly full edit of what I posted. I learned so much from her. She herself is writing a book, which is much better than mine, and you can read excerpts at hashishdreamsandheroinnightmares.blogspot.com, her book is about being a junky during Hurricane Katrina, from glimpse of the book I just know she will be published by a real publisher.
I have class today. We are reading Poetry in class right now. Leaves of Grass. We are to write our own Poetry and submit it to our professor, who will grade it on originality. I have old poems that I could use, but I'm working on a poem right now. Normally it takes me a few minutes to pound out a poem. This time I'm trying to take what I've learned from readings of the Leaves of Grass.
Starting January fourteenth I will be taking English Composition. Hopefully in this class I will be able to take the book I'm working on now, the book about a middle school girl without a clique and all her trials and tribulations, and the professor will take the time to help me work on the grammar, sentence structure, style, my verbs, etc. Spelling is just lost on me. It makes me look stupid, but I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.
To be truthfull, I lost sleep over the comments I got on my novel. I should have posted a few pages before I sent if off to be edited and to be published. Since I self published I had no deadline to send the book in, and could have honed my skills as writer if I had waited till I took this English Composition class. I could have done a re write...a second draft. Perhaps the book wouldn't fall flat. Perhaps some anonymous editor won't be making my book readable (hopefully) instead of me.
I think it was the stress from posting part of my book and the negative feedback that made me not in the mood for a bootycall. I was a bit depressed. It took me so long to get that story out of me. I would write 50 pages here, and then lose interest for a few months, then gain interest again, but the Methadone would put me on the nod while I was trying to write so I couldn't knock out as many pages I would have liked to. So at times it was written two, three pages at a time. Then I would get on another kick and would write another 50 pages in two or three days. Staying up all night and day just typing, typing, typing. Sometimes I would write out longhand first so I could work on my sentence structure. Which obviously I had no idea what I was doing. I would read, and re read authors that I admired and try to copy their style.
Oh well, its my first attempt at writing a novel. Its not the only novel I have in me. I love to write, and I'm not going to stop. Schooling is what I need, and schooling is what I'll get. It gives me a reason to stay off drugs. Not often do I find a reason to stay off drugs. Writing, knowing others will read and judge gives me a high. Why the hell do you think I blog so much. Why do you think I want your approval so badly. I constantly journal in my paper journal. Nearly everynight before bed. Lastnight I wrote about how disappointed I was by my blog comments, how thankfully I was for BmelonsandLemonade, how I'm totally over Jess(I think). I went into depth there. Boring stuff, you've all herd it before.
I wish I had a quarter for everyone who reads this blog. If I charged a quarter to read this blog, nobody would read it. Does anyone know how to put up a paypal donation thingy on my blog? I would never charge anyone to read this drivel, but if they would like to make a donation... I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this. I'm going to google it anyway. If you know how to do this email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
To everyone, happy December Holidays