Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

So its Christmas eve, and I have all my gifts bought, but not wrapped. I know what I'm getting for Xmas, its a necklace with a key as the pendent, and its got a bunch of diamond chips in it. I know this because I picked it out. I got my parents 119.00 dollar sheets, and a down blanket.

Other than that, I'm bored out of my mind. Tonight we have to drive up to Oconto Falls for a family gathering.  I'm actually excited to see my family. I just hate the drive. Plus it will be dark out when we leave, I hate driving in the dark. I assume I'll have to drive home, because my parents will have some drinks.

If your wondering what I've been doing since I haven't posted everyday like I usually do, I'll let you in on whats up. I've been going up and down in moods. Its like I'm cycling in one day over and over. I worry about things. Normally writing helps me, and I should have written about this. I didn't though. Mainly because I'm lazy. I just couldn't bring myself to open the laptop and sign into blogger. I worry about being dead, being alive. Wasting my life, wishing I was off Suboxone so I could use and feel better.

I can't write anything cohertly because my mind is just a buzz with every thought. I can't pick one thing to write about. After every sentence I write there is a pause, me thinking which idea should I go with.

I hadn't showered in four days, and I hadn't changed my underwear in four days either. I stunk to high heaven. I got in the car with my dad to go buy the ring my mom had picked out for Christmas, and I was horrified at how I smelled. Not stinky pussy, but this weird smell that I've never smelled before. Like bad breath in the morning. I do still brush my teeth everyday. I wanna keep those baby's. Although yesterday I had a bad toothache. That is aside the point. I noticed that I smelled bad two days before I actually got in the shower. We don't have class right now, and it really took a toll on my hygiene. I also have this dry shampoo. Its in a spray can, and it sprays out a powder that soaks up the oils in your hair, to keep it from getting greasy. So my hair looks clean, but my body starts to smell.

With my toothache yesterday, it was the nerves in my teeth that hurt, and no matter how much Advil I took it wouldn't go away. I even took an extra one of my Suboxone to kill the pain.That didn't work. Then I remembered my mom got Neurontin, and this is for never pain, so I took one, it still didn't go away, then I took another one, alone with the Neurotin I took my night pills, and knocked me out at 7pm. I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until midnight, and when I woke up my tooth didn't hurt anymore, but my arms hurt like hell. I had slept on them wrong. I had just taken my shower, and my hair had been wet when I fell asleep, when I woke up it was dry and a big curly mess. So I shuffled along to my room, took off my sweatshirt, and crawled into bed. There I feel asleep in an awkward position. When I woke up this morning my arms didn't hurt as much, but my neck hurt like a bitch.

I know this is probably the boring to read, but I had to write, and what better to write about than my daily life. Sorry for you guys reading this.

Merry Christmas everyone,


the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

I've never read one boring post on your blog.
I've never found your blog to be anything but fascinating..
Hmm, maybe you think you're boring, your readers don't.
Keep in touch with your fans.When I get my copy of your book, I'm going to send it to you postage paid for you to sign and return to me.
I will treasure it.
Chin up, okay:)
Your diamond pendant sounds wonderful.It'll look stunning on you.
Merry Christmas! let us know about the party,

Gledwood said...

I hope this doesn't babble away too much but I'll post it anyway:~

No you're not boring. If I didn't post because I thought it was boring it'd barely post anything at all. Also if I took out stuff just because it was embarrassing, I'd not have a blog left. So I just let anything go. If you do that you'll be fine. That's the best thing to do when you feel you're being boring, just post right ahead. Boring is when someone thinks they're ultra-fascinating, clever, wise, trendy, smart, fashionable, classy and puts their readers down because they think their readers are ignorant pigs. THAT is boring writing and you never do that. Another type of boring is "try too hard" when someone thinks they're witty, so every single sentence must be sparkling with humour, wit and style. This is what Valerie was talking about when she mentioned fancy writing. I for one (and Valerie too) prefer sincerity over Fancy or Clever any day of the week. You have enough sincerity to fill an ocean, so don't do yourself down.

I hope the family thing was tolerable. Do you not like drink then? That's unusual. I love drink because it's a legal drug, plus you get a buzz out of it that benzos don't have. It took me five years or more of drinking every day to get a true taste for it, so I craved a drink rather than just used it to intensify the gear. Now I need to stop and I can't!

I've got some lovely sleeping pills. Do they have temazepam in America? I never hear Americans talking about it. Here it's junkie benzo number One! Valium would be number two. Rohypnol would be number three, but I don't like the memory loss. I think temazepam's branded Normison.

Now I'm about to have a mince pie. They don't have THOSE in America either, I now know! It's a tiny pie like a fruit pie with currants, raisins, orange and lemon zest and brandy. Very Xmassy.

If you have time tomorrow please drop by I'm going to be on Gabbly all day. That's the box between the Double UO Globe logo and the cubic diamond molecule that moves. If the box doesn't load you need to reload the page then it'll say you're for example Gabber 329. I will Gabble under my own name. To do this you delete the number in the little box over the box you type messages into, and replace the number with your name.

Please come by if you're about. It can be an excuse to get away from the family if they're doing your head in.

Terry in Australia gave me an idea about 2 or 3 years ago by asking me to post about a junkie christmas, so I'm posting that hopefully by midnight London time. That's something you could post if you are out of inspiration. Post your most mashed up Heroin/Cocaine/whatever Christmas ever. Did you ever do Xmas without your family? I never do mine with family. I'm also posting what I did. Which will hopefully be drink loads, knock back loads of pills and methadone and be unconscious.

I'm still getting that college fund money to you somehow. The shops were so crowded I have an aversion. Also it's like an ice rink here. Takes 3 times as long to walk anywhere.

Have a very merry one and a SUPERIOR 2011

Gleds :-)

Valerie said...

Fucking hell that Gledwood drones on doesn't he? Couldn't get a word in edgewise here.

Just a quick one Anna Baby, to wish you a fantastic Xmas and a Cheery-bubbles New Year


bad breath said...

When I notice a client has halitosis/bad breath or complains of post nasal drip or tonsil stones despite having healthy teeth & gums, I advise the client to visit the site of Oraltech Labs. I can report that most clients return visits have undetectable Halitosis/bad breath. So if all else fails direct them to Oraltech Labs. USA & UK. Association of Dental Health

Gledwood said...

Alright Anna

Hope you're having a charming day. Come by and chat with me on Gabbly if you have a moment. It's nearly 9:30pm so it'll be about 2:30 or 3:30 your end. I'm never sure which.

Post something about your Xmas please. If you did it with family you can say who did what, who drank the most...

... I know Xmas can be trying. You culd also try that "my most mashed up Christmas ever" junkie post. I was going to do that for my freind Terry from Australia.

Hope you're having a good time. Lots of love


Naomi C. said...

Being a lady the most embarrasing thing I found having to convey was the fact heroin addiction and alcoholism stopped my ability to actually get up and shower/brush my hair/teeth. I see a dentist, am 23 and have had no fillings ever and dont need them (god knows how, i drink sugary drinks all day long) however, which is odd. I have curly red hair so one day of not brushing it and it would matt to high heaven. Because I would slick on a bit of makeup on my unwashed body, they would think "oh she is ok" but i didnt get close and sometimes i went without a month or so without washing fully in a shower. How shameful. I used a basin but nobody would dream of doing that really anfd I had to really push myself. Depression + drugs + being busy trying to fuck about raising money.scoring means you push things like eating, washing, laundry to the NOT IMPORTANT/ESSENTIAL/REMOTELY SERIOUS pile.

Hope your xmas has been good
lots of love from my side of the pond

<3 Naomi xxx

Gledwood said...

I used to make my dough the same way as you Naomi. It doesn't exactly help with the old grooming does it when you know you're being paid for looking down and out. Problem was, when I STOPPED begging I realized I'd lost the ability to take care of myself. So now I'm called a Crustie and I never WAS a crustie... I just call myself someone who looks like a fucking scarecrow and cannot wash. It's horrible.
I got a severe case of aqua-phobia. Can't explain why except that being hot and cold and wet reminds me of clucking... LOVELY!
My hair once matted so bad it was like a football stuck on the back of my head. Long hair. My hair keeps getting long even though I hate it. It's a can't be bothered hair do. Nice to talk to you on Gabbly. I'll drop by yours in a sec.

Anna come by and talk to me on Gabbly if you get a chance. That would be really cool.

See ya later hopefully


Gledwood said...

Come by my Gabbly if you're about, please Anna I miss you. Can't you use it on your blackberry thing? Are you OK? How's Xmas?
I hope you're having a fine old day.
Please get back to me if you can. It's nearly 4am here, so it should be 10 or 9pm. Please come over quickly if you can. I'm not asking you to chat for ages. You know Gabbly, yeah? It's live chat. Did we ever chat live before? If so it was such a long time ago. I miss you