Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mixing Ritalin with Bi Polar

I think the reason my moods are shifting so much is because of my Ritalin prescription. Someone with Bi Polar is not suppose to be taking amphetamines. As I've said about my Dr. before, he has a good writing hand. He is writing me out Ritalin so I can loose weight. He uses the excuse that I was on it as a child from the age of 7 till the age of 19, that I need it for ADD. The days that I was so blue, and I wondered about the house dreaming of sitting in a running car  in a closed garage, are the days I decided not to take my Ritalin. I went three days without it because of that day I triple dosed myself and thought I was going to have a heart attack. Little did I know I would be throwing myself into the abyss. Then the day I blogged about my depression I had taken my Ritalin again, yesterday I didn't take it and was again sullen and listless.

Now I'm confused. Am I addicted to the Ritalin or is the Ritalin just causing me to cycle emotionally rapidly? I'm afraid to call the Dr. because I want the pills to help me loose weight, and it seems so long as I take the damned pills I'm not depressed. I'm opposite, I'm swell. I'm in a mania. Oh
God what has this Dr. done to me. Fuck, the Ritalin didn't do this me when I was on Methadone. Methadone is so sedating that it counteracted the effects of the Ritalin. The Suboxone is not as sedating, in fact its not at all sedating. Which I hate about it. But I guess that's the life of a non opiate addict. I like to live my life a little sedated.  The Ramons song "I wanna be sedated" should be my anthem. Being on Ritalin is the opposite of Sedated, I'm hyper. Naturally I have lots of anxiety. For instance, I get 90 Clonazepam a month, its the 15th of the month(I think) and I only have 20 left. The Ritalin has upped my anxiety level from an 8 to a 10. My jaw is always clamped shut so tight it hurts. My tongue is pressed so hard against my teeth that I'm aware of it all day.

Ritalin and Suboxone and Clonazepam are not the only pills I take. I take a hand full of pills every morning and every night. Mood stabilizers, anti depressants, anti phsycotics, thyroid pill, seizure med for weight loss too(its suppose to decrease appetite) Pre natal vitamin for my skin, birth control for my skin, fiber, stool softener, (opiates make you constipated)

I had to hand my Clonazepam over to my mom so I wouldn't take them all before the month was up. So I would at least have one at bed time. I need one for night time so I can sleep. The Ritalin keeps me up all hours of the night.

Btw, this blog is dedicated to Gledwood. Who requested I write about my medications.

I'm so hyped up on my Ritalin today don't be surprised if write two posts today.


Also I put up Stats button, but for some reason you need my passwords, which are Annagrace and kurtdc.1 you have to use the capitol A. I thought it would give the stats from when I started the blog, but it only gives the stats from when I put up the button. In total from the stats that we get on blogger I've had somewhere around 20,000 vistors to my blog. This doesn't seem like a lot to me. I feel like I'm failing. I've only had 3,000 profile veiws. I'm sure Gledwood has had 100,000 vistors to his blog.  I've had my blog since 2008. Two years and only 20,000 hits. Thats pretty lame. At least people read it. Thank you to those of you who do read it. Means a great deal to me. Each and every one of you  20,000  people.

15 comments:

Danny said...

I don't know much about Ritilan, but by the sounds of things its doesn't seem to sit right with you.

i also do not help my natural organic anxiety with the stuff i take either. my anxiety is like a burning building and i'm on the top floor pissing gasoline all over the place in fear.

20,000 visitors sounds like loads!

Anonymous said...

First of all, I'm horrified you were on Ritalin for 12 years. But it explains a lot about why you are where you are today. Of course Ritalin is addictive, and to be on it for so long, especially while your brain is still forming as an adolescent... You've probably never felt normal, and you've lived almost your entire life taking chemicals to feel better. That sucks.
So I'm guessing you're taking Topamax to lose weight. Because you take so many medications, it's probably hard to tell what side effects you're having, and which pill they come from. But Topamax is an AWFUL drug. Yes, a few people find it decreases their appetite, but almost all people find it hinders their short-term memory and makes them mentally slow. My husband takes it for seizures, and is trying to wean himself off it and onto a different seizure med, because even though it does lessen the seizures significantly, it has turned him into an idiot. On the epilepsy message boards they call it " dopamax". You should try to stop taking it Anna, because you like using your brain, for writing, for school. It will handicap you.
As for being a " non opiate addict," honey, if you're on Suboxone you are still addicted to opiates, which is why you have withdrawal if you suddenly stop taking it. But it is the lesser of all opiate evils, just don't decieve yourself into thinking being on Suboxone feels the same as being clean. It doesn't.
Why are you on anti-psychotics? It sounds like your doctor is just a drug dealer with a medical licensce, and it doesn't seem like he gives a shit about you. I'm worried that all of these pills might actually make you feel worse than taking less pills. You've mentioned a dual-diagnosis rehab before, would they let you stay on the Suboxone? It doesn't sound like you're ready to go off the Suboxone right now, but I really think you need help to figure out if you really should be taking anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, anti-psychotics, mood-stabilizers and ADHD medications all at one time. It's too much, and just imagine how much better a writer you would be if you could think a little clearer!

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Anna,
I don't know much about bi-polar (well, honestly,I do but I hate acknowledging psychiatry in anyway but loathsome)
I don't know why you put yourself through so much,yet I'm guilty of the same. I'm very hyper,but my diet is 75% caffeine,then I take my Xanax with some beer trying to mellow out and get sleepy.
I know you haven't been feeling too good lately.
I hope you feel better asap.
Take good care of yourself, Anna, yeah, I know you don't like heeding it, neither do I, but all the same...I mean well,
j.

Anonymous said...

Get off all the stupid drugs. Eat well, sleep well and I think that will improve your life immensely.

jf

Gledwood said...

Anon: the antipsychotics are for severe bipolar. She's blogged about what happened and with Anna's history just about any shrink would prescribe them

Anna: I was out all day then I fell into comatose sleep all evening and all night and got up late. I did read your post but didn't want to leave a comment with lots of kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks deleted where I slept at the keyboard (my usual style). I thought it was the drugs doing that. Turns out I never needed them to be a mess, haha.

THANKS V MUCH FOR THAT POST. I had a suspicion the mood swings were getting triggered by that. How many milligrams are these pills? I tried Ritalin once on holiday (vacation-type holiday, being British and all) and found it really strong. It made me hallucinate (again). Almost anything that can make anyone hallucinate makes me hallucinate. Even antidepressants. Makes me sound a real whacko I know, but this is one reason the shrink wants me on no drugs, no meds, to get rid of all of them. I would rather live 100% drug and meds free if I oould anyhow, so me and the doc are agreed on that one.

I don't know enough about the meds you are on to be able to give any advice. Best thing you can possibly do is find yourself a good psychiatrist who also prescribes the suboxone or methadone. Or is that not how it's done your end?

Here you'd go to the local National Health (free) drug clinic. Knowing you have bipolar you'd be categorized as Dual Diagnosis. You'd probably see the shrink from the drug clinic, so all the traetment would go on under one roof.

I say this because when the system works like that, it's probably best, provided the drs are GOOD ones. Can you get anything like that arranged for yourself?

You have 2 conflicting interests. 1 you want to feel well and 2 you are still an addict, just like me, who wants to use and you've been using Ritalin. The ideal would be to find a new dr who will take over the Ritalin scipt and either adjust it, swap it for something else, or cut it down gently. They need to know how extremely bad you feel without it. This is not ordinary drug withdrawal. Ordinary drug withdrawal doesn't put people in mental units. We both know severe depression can.

I hope I've said at least 1 useful thing. Last you sound better than you were. Take care, else Valerie is threatening to "take care of" you herself. And who knows what that might mean..??

Gledwood said...

I got lots of profile views because I sometiems used to go off wandering all over the place in blogland, leaving comments as I went. When these people click my name another profile view comes up and they got into my blog that way.

Like I say a lot of people come to mine because of the furry animals I've put there. They don't expect stuff about addiction and aren't looking for it, so most never come back.

I reckon the number of people who actually know who I am is less than 100 a day. Maybe 40 a day. Not that many. You could easily get more than me. Also I reckon the hits you get are looking for YOU. If they have googled something else it would be something to do with drugs or bipolar or even bootycalls.

Taken any Ritalin today? Can you feel it that much normally? Or just when there's a bit of Cycling going on..?

The jaw thing doesn't sound that much fun, it has to be said. Uppers certainly make me lose my appetite. It's just the nasty tendency to crash that puts me off... + the fact that being high makes me think everything is "important". Opposite of what heroin does. That's why I loved heroin so much. Not being bothered about anything at all!

Take care
xxx

Valerie said...

Anna Babes, here on the governor's computer I've had a good poke through your stats. Yesterday you got 107 hits. That is more than that lousy Gledwood, who only gets 40. Like he says, the rest are people who got lost looking for online hamsters. Ha ha ha!

I'll write to ya properly when I've got time, but I just cannot stand the suffering of being on barely any more than 700mg methadone. Please write a letter of complaint telling them to put me dose up. I can't live like this!!

Shit. Gotta go as per usual. Two hookers, a get-away driver, a husband-poisoner and a fraudster all want a go while the bitch is on tea break. I'd better run, Chooks. You look after yourself now. Y'are feeling better still, aren't ya--??

Anna Grace said...

Danny,
Your right Ritalin doesn't sit right with me, but I'm afraid to go off it because of the depression it leaves me in.

I like the way you described your anxiety. I can relate.

Most people find my blog by way of your blog, Gledwood's, and Melodylee is damned blog. So thanks for the help getting visitors.

Anna Grace said...

Anon#1,
Your right I've lived most my life on a drug. I don't know natural chemical balance in my brain.

I like my doctor. He's the kind of doctor I always dreamed of. He may not be doing me any favors. I fear what life would be like without any drugs.

No duel diagnosis would take me while on Suboxone. If they would I would go there in a minute. America is all about being drug free.

I stopped taking the Topamax, it wasn't working anyway. The Ritalin is enough of hunger suppresent. I remember my doctor telling me about the side effects, but I never felt any. I think I'm just naturally dumb. Look at my spelling and run on sentances.

Anna Grace said...

TGITSTD,
Caffine and Xanax and cigarettes is all one really needs. JK. Thanks for the support. Your sweet as pie.

Anna Grace said...

Anon#2(jf)
Good advice. Unfourtantly it will take me time to heed it.

Anna Grace said...

Gledwood,
So much to answer, First off, I'm on 25mg of Adderal twice daily. I've been saying Ritalin all this time, but its actually Adderal. I don't look too closely at my pill bottels, and I know for a while I was taking Ritalin, but my doctor changed it because I complained it wasn't working with the Methadone.

Phsyc. Dr. don't perscribe Methadone here. The only way you can get Methadone here is thru a Methadone Clinic.

On my stats page from blogger it says my traffic comes from Gledwood a lot of the time. Also a lot of people google anna grace I hate my face I hate this place. Or just I hate my face I hate this place. Anna Grace Young. Fenegren( I must have spelled it wrong). Oh yes, and the 20,000 are just from this year. It only goes back to January of 2010. So I imagine I've had around 30,000 hits.
Valarie sure knows a lot about you Gledwood. Have you two had sexual intercourse in the past when she lived in London?

Valerie said...

Hi Anna Babes: I'm jumping in before that lousy scumbag can answer. Sexual Intercourse with that piece of shit? Are you kidding me??!

I know it might sound like we had a "relationship" because of the 4-letter expressions but trust me baby that's not the case.

He's just really annoying. Phoning my private line asking for a "small 300g sample of 999 brand heroin". In England 999 gets through to the police so 999 heroin is extremely funny. Not funny enough to warrant a 300g free sample, I have to say!

That bastard also turned up at my door 2 or 3 new years eves ago. Now you know I throw a spectacular party each and every time. The creme de la creme of the international narcotics trade are all there in my quaint Melbourne suburb. We all get off our heads on the designer drug of the moment. My people mix it up for me in the outback. No borders to cross that way. Just gotta steer clear of the kangeroos when ya driving, that's my advice for the outback.

Anyway how could I not let the poor pathetic soul in. Caused a right problem that one did. Necking everyone's drinks when they weren't looking. Our ride-on lawnmower was positively infected after that one had had a go, trust me on this. Crawling with pubic lice, that seat was. Caught 'em meself, I did. I had an itchy snatch for weeks before I realized the problem. Thankfully Brucey thought he'd caught 'em off the bitch in the milk bar. Real apologetic and repentant he was. Gave me a lovely pink diamond sparkler for me little finger. Now THAT one better had be real. It seems to be the only decent diamond I got left. And it's only 4 carats. Tiny.

Anyway apart from that and hogging the karaoke singing "The Hills Are Alive....!" that bastard seemed somehow to get into our garage. I'm sure he did. Only explanation I can think of why a 700g baggie of Double Lion Brand mysteriously went missing from our fertilizer collection!

Don't trust him. Don't let him come to New York. Bad news. And I'm sure he's still on gear. People like that NEVER stop. Shame it hasn't killed him, that's all. Nah shouldn't joke about your friend that way. I love him really. Just don't like the bastard at all!!

Now I'm off. I'm using a blackberry to type this and me French manicure's getting in the way.

Take care baby and go easy on the pep pills!!

Take it easy Babe XoXoX

BMelonsLemonade said...

Anna, check out The Bouncing Souls song "Gasoline," lyrics...
"Sedate me with anything
So I don't have to live with me
Tell me, tell me that I'm free
Kill me with everything
Until there's nothing left of me
Tell me, tell me that I'm free..."
Check them out. They are also punk, but more like Social Distortion punk than Ramones punk. (I LOVE Social Distortion, by the way.)

Sweden said...

Gleds:
in some cases (me for one) if you are bi polar (1 or 2) and you take anti depressants they bring out the manic in you, you start to have severe manic episodes and hallucinations. This is what happened to me, before i was diagnosed bi polar my doctor thought i was just depressed, and i tried 4 different types of anti depressants with horrific side effects. I was hallucination, and all i could think of was i wanted to stab people in the face, i couldnt walk straight, lights were bothering me it was like a really bad acid trip.then my doctor realized i am bi polar and ive been on zyprexa for 4 years now, will soon switch to lithium because my meds dont fully work anymore.

so if you are bi polar anti depressants can make you worse (in some cases)