I'm on a lazy streak, no showers, no nothing today. My class is over, and I have nothing to do during the day. I got to read a lot of good literature. I wrote a few good papers, I got a B in the class. I'm a B writer. I wish I had the talent Gledwood has. If you don't know who Gledwood is his blog is Gledwood2.blogspot.com. He can pound out a great blog.
Gledwood is my best friend. I know pathetic, my best friend is Ocean away, and I only know him from our blogs, and some emails and comments. He keeps me blogging when feel there is nothing more I can say. What do I do during the day, first off I get out of bed. I don't change out of my sweatpants, and t-shirt. I have really soft t-shirts from the Internet. I have a lot of cool t-shirts. I pee, change my underwear because I'm scared my pussy will smell bad. Then I take my Suboxone, which I hate doing because it has to dissolve under my tongue. It tastes nasty in mouth. I explained this before. Coffee and Baily's to get taste out of my mouth. After I take all my morning pills I stare at the Telly all day. Sometimes I go on my phone and surf the web. Looking at random things. A lot of Kurt Cobain shit. I got google maps downloaded on my phone today and I looked up our apartment building and the street I live on. I watch TV and movies all day until 6pm when I watch How I met you mother. A sit com I enjoy. After that Its just prime time television.
My life is getting to be a waste of time and air. At least when I was using I got out every day, even on the Methadone. I had to leave the house to get my Methadone. I'm thinking of going back on the Methadone. I miss my buzz. Plus my tolerance is really low and I'd probably feel the effects of Methadone as an opiate. Not for long, but a week or two. Then again another part of me wants off all drugs. I know I can't go off my Bi Polar meds or I would end up in the nut house yet again. I'm so confused about what I should do. As far as everything in my life I'm confused. My book comes out in March and I know its going to crash and burn. From what I got on comments when I posted some of it on here. I got a copy of the edited version and the grammar and punctuation, along with the run on sentences are gone. It changed the book a bit, but for the better. As far as my second novel I'm not getting anywhere right now. Tomorrow I'm going to take 60 mgs of Adderal, and see if I get some motivation.
If I was a real writer I would live in New York city and sit at a coffee shop with my laptop writing and drinking coffee. Instead I'm a lonely old bag with nothing to show for my life except a novel about my drug use. As soon as it comes out I will have it posted on my blog, so anyone interested in buy the book they can. I don't mean I'm going to paste and copy the whole book on my blog, I will put up a link to Amazon.com where you can purchase the book.
Last night I got drunk, what made me get drunk is beyond me, but I just couldn't stop with drink. So today I'm tired. I didn't even brush my teeth today. I had two Heath bars, and noodles for food today.
I also think I'm in love with Gledwood. I want to move to NYC with him, and live out the writers dream. Still an ocean separate us, he is not able to get here. I could go visit him, I do have four grand, but he doesn't want me to. Yet another stalker obsession. Sorry Gledwood. He won't even send me a photo of himself. I just want to look at who I'm in computer land in love with.
I'm never going to know you know, but I'm going to love you anyhow.