I'm so useless. I have no real friends. I only enjoy getting high. Self destruction is the only words that describe me. Wait, dissapointment, family torturer work as well. Maybe I listen to too many sad songs. I'm so desperate to look pretty, and I feel if I'm not pretty I don't matter. I feel fat all the time. I'm so fat its hard to find veins on me. I have brusies from holes poked in small veins that can't take in any liqued. I miss on a quarter of my shots.
I'm all wrong. I want to through myself off a bridge. I spelled that wrong. See how stupid I am. When you guys bash me, I take it in stride, because I know anything you say about me, is what I'm alreay thinking. I just want someone to pay attention. I'm an attention whore. I hate this about myself. Look at how many photos of myself I have on my blog. How pathetic is that. I'm going to take them down. I feel as though I'm going down in flames. I'm just waiting for my funeral.
I'm desponant, apathetic, wastefull, sad, miserable.I lay on a couch all day and watch TV. I only go out to go to my dealers house. I droped my cell phone in kool aid, luckily it still works. The only thing I have to look forward to is your comments. Thank god for Gledwood and his comments. Thank god for all of you who leave comments. I feel like I'm invisiable. To my dealer I'm a ATM. To my friend I''m just a way to make her rent go down. To my parents I'm a dissapointment, and I hurt them too much its impossiable for me to make it up.
Today instead of using I took my left over suboxone. As I may have said I'm broke until the 1st. I could pawn this laptop, but I would just get 100 bucks and that wouldn't even take care of me for two days. I learned my lesson about pawing stuff my last time around using. You never go back to get it, its just put into your arm. Just another fix.
I'm not here this isn't happening.