There is no lack of Heroin here in the Midwest. The Heroin is a grayish white, its called Venom. At least that's what my dealer says the name is. I ask where they think it came from, Columbia, Mexico, Afghanistan, China, but if I ask these questions, its like I'm prying into the higher ups problems. If I ask a question about where my supply comes from, I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm a cop.
I moved out of my parents house, and in with a using friend. Now I have to pay more in rent, and that means less money for junk. I just couldn't watch my parents being disappointed by my uselessness anymore. They begged me to stay, but I couldn't. The best I could do, was vow never to be too high in front of them. So I come over when a shot is wearing off. Just before the sick starts come on.
I still have my phone, and pay for that monthly. So I am reading all your comments, and I could comment back, but that damn keypad is so small, and I can never seem to focus my eyes when I'm loaded up on junk. So here I am at home, telling my parents that I made an appointment with a doctor who prescribes Suboxone. Which I do, but I'm not sure if I'm going to show up. Things have gotten too expensive, with rent, phone, drugs. I'm starving to death. All I eat is ho hos, 50 cents a piece. I have about three a day. I come here to my parents house and my mom made steak, and I eat, but can't keep it down. So I run outside over the patio and vomit.
Life isn't as glamour as it was when I first started. I need more, I'm up to 70 dollars a day in a habit. There are days I can't cover what I need, and go to work at labor ready to make some extra bucks for a nice big shot at night.
I can't blame my past for why I'm using now. It was a conscious decision on my part to start using again. A stupid one, but at the time and still when I get high a fun one. I apologize only to my parents. I would stop only for my parents. It hurts me to hurt them. I need to use more when I think about what I'm doing to them.
If I were to stop, that old feeling of what to do next would come over me. What happens when you get sober? You just become an unhappy sober person.
Gledwood, I listen to you. I hear where your coming from, and appreciate your input. Maureen too. Gilligan is my friend Charlie from Hawaii. He's telling me how the prices are down in Hawaii, and it seems there is a drought in Hawaii too.