I've forgotten how to write. I can't just write a bunch of my crappy life on the Internet anymore. What the fuck happened. I know some of you are happy about this loss of my writing ability, but me, I'm not. It is/was a great outlet for my feelings. It seems without the Methadone I'm not in touch with my feelings. That doesn't make sense. I should have been without feelings while on the Methadone. The only reason today I can write is because I used Heroin. God is it the best feeling in the world. Its as if every problem I have is lifted off my shoulders, and I can breath again. Perhaps my breathing is shallower, but it feels easier to breath, write, talk, sleep, smoke, eat, love, everything.
I could explain to the joys of cooking up the shot, finding a vein in one try, but I'm not going to do that. I've described that enough on here. I'm not going to glorify my use anymore than I already have. Which by the way I did it enough it in this post already.
Listening to music is such a fucking joy,high. Wait I'm going to glorify my use. This time this trip I'll sign son of bitch. While high it seemed like every one left me a wink and a smile. It feels my parents cheered, and my dad was proud. Celebrities will die like me.
Today made me realize I'm going back to the habit. Mondays don't apply to me when I'm high. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I can't trust you. I thought the world owed me a smile. Now I know they do. I'm just going to dig my head into the ground. Wreck the lives of othersthat I love. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I hate your face.
I know as soon as I build up a tolerance and all my money goes towards junk I'll be crying for the methadone clinic. I hate my face, I hate this place, and I'm strung out again.