Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sombody's cold one is giving me chills. Guess I'll just close my eyes.

I've forgotten how to write. I can't just write a bunch of my crappy life on the Internet anymore. What the fuck happened. I know some of you are happy about this loss of my writing ability, but me, I'm not. It is/was a great outlet for my feelings. It seems without the Methadone I'm not in touch with my feelings. That doesn't make sense. I should have been without feelings while on the Methadone. The only reason today I can write is because I used Heroin. God is it the best feeling in the world. Its as if every problem I have is lifted off my shoulders, and I can breath again. Perhaps my breathing is shallower, but it feels easier to breath, write, talk, sleep, smoke, eat, love, everything.

I could explain to the joys of cooking up the shot, finding a vein in one try, but I'm not going to do that. I've described that enough on here. I'm not going to glorify my use anymore than I already have. Which by the way I did it enough it in this post already.

Listening to music is such a fucking joy,high. Wait I'm going to glorify my use. This time this trip I'll sign son of bitch. While high it seemed like every one left me a wink and a smile. It feels my parents cheered, and my dad was proud. Celebrities will die like me.

Today made me realize I'm going back to the habit. Mondays don't apply to me when I'm high. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I can't trust you. I thought the world owed me a smile. Now I know they do. I'm just going to dig my head into the ground. Wreck the lives of othersthat I love. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I hate your face.

I know as soon as I build up a tolerance and all my money goes towards junk I'll be crying for the methadone clinic. I hate my face, I hate this place, and I'm strung out again.

6 comments:

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

You haven't forgotten how to write.You've been taking lots of breaks. I'm sure I'm not the only one missing your writing.
You've taken breaks, I don't know, maybe you need to from time to time, but Anna you are a very INTERESTING WRITER.
I think I'm nothing but a pest to you.I bet you never read my comments or ignore them.
I feel so bad, I feel as though maybe you'd like to be left alone. I hope my comments aren't that discouraging.
Anna, you're a wonderful writer & girl. Please keep up.
If any comment poster annoys you, let us know.
I feel like just as I started following your blog, you've begun to stop writing.
I have that feeling.
Please keep writing.

Anna Grace said...

I love your comments. You are not the reason I stopped writing everyday, its because I lost all ambition. I'm apathetic. I still read your blog just don't comment. I figured anytjing I had to say would be pointless.

I love you, and will write more often.

Gledwood said...

Have you done that gear yet?

I'm depressed. I have felt shitty for days.

I would really like to go out for some heroin right now but what's the point. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I don't care any more.

Also I'm pissed off because the number 8 key has come off my laptop, long story. I'll tell you another time when I'm less pissed off in general.

You still can write. You just cannot find something to write about.

One thing I used to do in letters, and you culd do it online as well is to just describe everything that's going on around you. that way you don't even have to mention yourself....

Well I'm off to get pills or heroin. I need something. I feel like fucking dog shit.

I hope you feel better than I do.

Take care and sorry to moan on as per usual

xx

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Thanks Anna,
I Love reading Everything you write.
Please continue. I look forward to reading your articles, whatever they may be about...
luv u 2,
j.

Justfly said...

There is so much more to life. I will never understand your choice of how you live.

Gledwood said...

Where's the choice? Drug addiction isn't a choice. Taking drugs is a choice, once you're addicted the only choice is stopping. Using comes automatically to any addict. I'm talking severe opiate addiction here. Anna never chose to be depressed either. As she said, she's had jobs but got fired from every one for being disinhibited and saying stuff she shouldn't. This happens when you're bipolar.
Yeah she could live her life a different way, but from where I'm sitting I don't see that many options.