Friday, February 4, 2011

Couple of questions.

My birthday was Feb. 2nd. The day Gledwood posted a post about me, and sent me a song. Which I would like to thank him in my blog.

I haven't used Heroin in over four days. I was sick as a dog for the past three days, now I'm feeling better, but I just want to use. The reason I haven't used is because I don't have the money. My direct deposit hasn't come in yet.

I am going to duel diagnosis on Feb 20th and I'll be gone for 90 days that means no posts for 90 days, unless they have the Internet there. Its not like jail so they might have Internet there. I can bring my phone and that has Internet on it, and I can post from my phone.

I'm going to miss Eleanor. My baby girl is so perfect. I only get to see her when i come here to my parents house. I miss her all the time. She is my reason to get clean.

I've come to the conclusion, some people are meant to use heroin. Some people, me included are just not meant to be junkies. I can't take the stress it puts on me, by disappointing my parents. I can't just say screw everyone I'm going to do what I want. Perhaps after my parents pass on, I'll go back to it. That is if I even feel like it.

Does anyone know how many Percocets are equal to four mgs of suboxone? I tried taking Percocets to ease my withdrawals. The Suboxone kept me from getting sick, now I'm out of Suboxone. Please be a doctor out there to help me. Although Percocets have Tylenol in them and that does a number on my liver, and I already have Hep C. So I can't take too many Percocets. Five is my limit. The Percocets are free.

I know this goes against my getting clean, but I'm desperate to get that feeling back.

Is there any sexy men out there? If so send me pictures of your penis. Email them to


Verity Vaudeville said...

Who knows, maybe those 90 days will do something and give you a fresh incentive to start anew. You owe it to yourself to at least try :)

Brother Frankie said...

Some people, me included are just not meant to be junkies.

anna grace is not..

4 mg's of subs is quite a few percs (10's).. anna.. u have been thru this.. just clonopin, xanax, and vitamins.. thomas recipe.. all us opiate heads have done it over and over.

buprenorphine will have approx 85..% of your receptors occupied at around 3mgs, and from then on the efficiency decreases sharply..

im praying for ya hun
you are loved
Brother Frankie

Anonymous said...

Man, shut the fuck up about your dog. It can't tell if you are high or not

Sweden said...

i dont think anyone is meant to be a junkie, it doesent look good on anyone

Sweden said...

anonymous, no need to be fucking rude, if you don't like her blog don't read it, or at least stay out of the comments, being an asshole is unnecessary really

Beth said...

Anna- When I got sober, I was absolutely terrified. A very wise person kept telling me to keep an open mind, which was hard, but I did it. The only other thing that I could do was try to give sobriety an honest chance. I gave 15 years of my life to drinking and I figured that the least I could do for myself was to TRY. If my life didn't improve (and believe me, it was not immediate or fabulous in any way, ) I could go back to living the way I had been.

I was truly amazed that after a long while that things were better. It was different and I had to figure out a new way to live, but it has been well worth the effort.

I hope that you will do what you need to do. If you give it a chance, you may find it wonderful.

Gledwood said...

Anna it's Saturday and you need your medication so sort it out.

I didn't realize that dual place was a 90 day rehab.

You'll be fine in there. At least finally you'll be somewhere your needs are actually met. I always saw you in medical terms as a person who has bipolar who is addicted to drugs. Not just a drug addict. If they don't address your mood disorder you aren't going to be able to address your addiction.

You know there is a huge amount of self help out there for bipolar, there's also a huge amount of stuff for drug addiction.

Surely someone has written a book about the subject... somewhere.


I'll leave it there Anna all the best you'll be fine, you have a good 2 weeks to get ready for it. Make sure you post loads of stuff in the meantime

take care

I answered your question at mine. Sorry the first stuff I wrote I was on a (prescribed) sleeping pill so the words went all over the place but you'll see what I mean.

Valerie said...

Anna Babe!

Here's me out of prison and you're going back in!!

What is this thing? A special jail for punishing manic-depressives?

Will you have barred windows? Or just that special glass you use to build walls you can't see through properly?

I hope at the least you have lots of lesbian fun in there. Ho Ling was very good for and to me. Far better than Boring genital warts Brucey!

Now I have to run. Crack pipe's loaded and there's a breeze blowing. If it falls over I'll go mental!

Take care baby



PS you got 2 weeks' notice before going to jail? Wow, that's cushy. If I'd have had 2 weeks' notice last time I'd have left the country!

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Happy belated birthday, Anna!

Hope all works for the best during treatment and that's a brave decision.
You'll be missed, but seeking help is the best move.
Wishing you all the best during treatment and always,

Maureen said...

Anna, I hope you had a nice birthday and you know that nobody wants to grow up to be a junkie.
Not even me, I'm just an addict, and there is nothing nice about reading this about myself! I do hope the duel diagnosis place does you some good. Give it a try & be good to yourself
U are LOVED Anna, you see

BMelonsLemonade said...

Happy Birthday, Anna. You may not be able to post from rehab. But, then when i went, we did not have smartphones and Facebook was not even around! You will be able to write in there, though. Take several blank journals with you. Please go but these now, before you spend too much money and cannot get them before you go. I still regret the fact i did not write in rehab. Take some journals, and scribble like mad in them...You may have a second book in them by the time you get out.

Gledwood said...

Anna I put another song for you.
Do you like/know that film Girl Interrupted. I got it today. The song is from that film:~

Gledwood said...

yeah they often ask you to keep a diary in rehab

make sure you write in there, you'll never be able to get that time back so make sure you keep verbal snapshots, no matter how you feel

you may never feel that way again

whatever you feel you'd do well to write it down

you know detoxing tends to produce mania so you might have a real good time, so long as you don't get too manic

Gledwood said...

hey i just read anon's blog

of course dogs know whether you're high or not they aren't STUPID

naomi said...

belated birthday wishes!

Anonymous said...

train wreck... Train Wreck... TRAIN WRECK.. YOU ARE A FUCKING TRAIN WRECK...

sarge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sarge said...

sarge here this is a badass blog and this anonomous best stfu or suffer the wrath of the sarge you here me boy well do yar?

sarge said...

ps to paraphrase billy holiday... "i knew I was kicking dope when i couldnt stand to be in green bay anymore"