Friday, April 22, 2011

Anon nay sayers this is what I say.

Wow, what a bunch of anon's questioning  my usage of Heroin. When I get my ten bags today I will take a photo and put them up on my blog for the day. I took a photo of one track mark because its the vein I use most, I go into my wrist a lot, but why put up four photos of all my tracks? I thought one would do it, but obviously not.

I don't know why it makes me angry that no-one believes me. I shouldn't care. Its just a diary after all. As far as suicide who knows I may live out a long loner life. I have made several attempts on my life, and have had to be resuscitated after a dose of 500, 350mg aspirin along with a bottle of wine. I've slit my wrists, which makes it hard to find a vein on my wrist, and up my forearm.

I guess its up to you. Believe or don't. It is after all happening to me, and not you.

Gledwood, to shoot up in the jugular you have to make sure the needle is pointing down, and squeeze you neck so you can see the jugular, then you stick the needle in pull the plunger back and when the blood comes rushing in you push the heroin home into the jugular. Its easier if you have someone to do it for you, while you lay down and your head is upside down hanging off the bed, and then they go in and do it for you. Which I did when I was shooting coke on that binge in my book.

As for the book that I sent you, is the first draft, its been edited and things changed to make descriptions better. Along with the dialogue.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anyone can google pictures of heroin and track marks.

And taking aspirin and a bottle of wine won't kill you. Slicing your scarred veins won't kill you. You're just an attention whore and I'm guilty of giving you attention by writing this comment, but I just wanted to call you out.

Danny said...

fuck these anon haters, Anna. so what're they saying, eh? if you're for real, and you're shooting smack every day, or however regularly you take it, they're gonna read it and like it and think you're for real and basically the only reason they're gonna like this blog and read it is all down to the authenticity of it. i could give a fuck if its all made up, part made up, or its all for realz.

its like, my cousin Party Timr and me sitting snorting mephadrone a few weeks back in my uncle's highrise flat and he (cousin) has got real money troubles and he's reading this copy of 'pimp' and i tell him: get that hoor upstairs (from my uncle, who he 'employs the services of') get her and bring her outta retirement, pimp her ass on the street, but it was all just come-down talk one night/early hours of the morning, nothing ever came of it, but it sparked my imagination and i played on it and wrote a couple of posts about it, like what might've happened had we followed through, but its all bullshit, the thing is it might've *actually* happened if circumstances had've panned out that way, might've have been a reality...actually would've come into being, the ingredients were there, the people, the situation etc...so that's embellishing your circumstances and you call yourself a writer and that's what writer's are supposed to do, i thought: take your environment and sew in some tassles....

....but fuck em, Anna: you're making it up, you are a little, or its all 100% kosher, i couldn't give a fuck, just enjoying the reading, and i think that if the only thing that qualifies the reading of your blog is that you're shooting smack is fucking stupid and ridiculous....just keep her lit, babe!

Gledwood said...

Hey don't you think its good anonymous doesn't believe you're using. Usually anonymous is only too willing to bash you round the head for being an opiate addict.

I wouldn't bang up in my jugular because theyre most likely to use that one if you need an emergency anaesthetic quickly. It's something you need to think about.

If they were desperate they'd put in a "central line" I think they need to open up your chest cavity to get that vein. I'm pretty sure they do. But whatever that's a last resort and truly depressing. A last resort for medicine I mean, not you.

Did you actually get these bags this person was promising you?

Fuck this that awful film the Princess Diaries is on because my aerial doesn't work I don't have digital so I'm limited to 4 channels and that shit is the best thing on!

I wasn't disbelieving you in the other comment I was just saying it is unusual to be able to get your mainline. I got it once about 4 or 5 years ago. But that was a true one-off. Like I say my mainlines went like rotten cheese. Hard lumps there. Within months.

Do people still take Mephedrone/whatever the fuck it's called 4MMC/whatever...? I only tried it once. About a year and a half ago when it was still legal. It was promised to me as "ecstasy plus coke" and wow for once something lived up to the promise and the coke feeling lasted 3 hours.

Beth said...

Anonymous(es): Why do you care so much if Anna isn't telling the truth? If she isn't, it's her karma, not yours. I come here because I enjoy her story, good and bad. Surely you could find a more productive way to vent your feelings? Maybe volunteer to help someone less fortunate than you? Start your own blog and tell your own truth? I would read that too, if you weren't hidden.

Anna, keep doing what you're doing. You are the only person you have to answer to.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! you're a fat junkie! You have a fat arm and the rest of you is equally disgusting.

Gledwood said...

Anonymous #2 she's doing weightwatchers and regular exercise and she's dropped something like 20lbs in the past month or so. At least she's trying to change.

Other anonymouses:

As for the suicide talk, a lot of you would kill yourselves if you had bipolar like she does. Next time you have a severe depressive episode with suicidal ideation come here and write what you wrote again.

Anna I put a song up for you at mine. It was the only thing I like I could think of that might be to your proper taste. I know you like proper music.

Your book is fine. There's a bit at the beginning where you've obviously taken a bit out and/or moved something round and 1 or 2 paragraphs seem to start and not lead anywhere. But I can point this out to you if you need to know where that is, it's right in chapter 1 if I remember right. Or if not chapter 2. The dialogue is really well done, you have a particular gift for dialogue.

Here is a link:
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Schizoaffective-Disorder/1518298

it's schizoaffective, like i've got. at least i got diagnosed with it, and the dr who diagnosed me is the head dr at the drugs clinic. he of all people is going to know the difference between drugs psychosis and normal psychosis. at least he listened to me: it all got FAR WORSE off the fucking drugs not on them!

he said "I want you to take my drugs now, not your ones" and i thought that was a good way of putting it. he was the only person i've ever met who i got the sense truly understood how i felt. eg i told him how i was hearing voices and he didn't look all shocked the way my drugs workers/etc type of people used to. so fucking what if i was hearing voices? it was really entertaining. they were telling jokes some of the time and i was laughing my head off! there's only one particular comment 2 of them made one after the other that upset me and i blogged that today

did stuff like what this guy writes in the link ever happen to you? it got like that for me when i was really ill. after reading that page and the other stories up there i realized i probably do have schizoaffective as they seem to feel and have experiences very similar to the ones i have when i'm "ill"; how about you??

i'm still off meds and just feeling irritable and slightly para but no hallucinations so far. maybe it's because i'm not manic, i'm just a bit down. lots of people say they go more crazy on mania than depression

you know we're pretty similar i don't think either of us have periods of real "normality" we're either up or down or sideways pretty much all the time. i don't know whether i will ever be "normal". ever

Anonymous said...

You are not a female Kurt Cobain, or Elliott Smith. Your pathetic attempts to be like them is rather.. well.. lame.

You are no different then any junkie/suicidal/bipolar asshole.

Gledwood said...

ANNA CHECK THIS LINK

it's a few years old but gives the info on Chicago I was talking about.

What area is known for what etc etc (in other words where people score!)

Forwarned is forarmed as they say

http://www.justice.gov/ndic/pubs/652/heroin.htm

Gledwood said...

Most retail heroin sales in Chicago take place on the West Side where buyers are able to purchase heroin in gang-controlled areas without fear for their personal safety. Gangs such as the Gangster Disciples and Vice Lords have established alliances, putting profits ahead of rivalries. Gang members who sell heroin on street corners provide security to ensure that buyers return to their locations on a regular basis. Drug sale areas, particularly on the West Side of Chicago, are well defined, resulting in few turf wars. Hispanic sections on the North Side, where these gang arrangements do not exist, are more susceptible to drug turf wars associated with heroin and other drug sales.



Anonymous said...

i like your new background, it makes reading a lot more clearer. perhaps it should reflect a new attitude as well?