Thursday, April 21, 2011

Do you want your money back. Fuck no.

I'm home in Wisconsin, and guess what? No dope, the person sold it on me and is giving me my money back. He's out of gear and has to drive down to Chicago to get more. I tried to explain that I wanted him to take my money and buy more gear while down there, but he's Purto Rican and we can't communicate very well. I'm crying my eyes out. I have works and no gear. There is nothing anybody can do for me.

Oh well its probably a good thing. Forced sobriety. I might go out and get drunk, buy some alcohol get jiggy wit it. LOL! That's so not me. Aside form the getting drunk to forget part.

The flight home was misery, I had four layovers, and gates far apart. Walking thru those airports I definitely went down in weight. Yay me. Fuck me. I'd rather be fat and high , not sad and skinny. The thing is when I get strung out I get really skinny. Down to 120 lbs last time I got strung out. That really doesn't matter if I get skinny, or if I get high, if this sadness gets any worse I'm going to hang myself. My dad leaves back for Arizona May 6th, and I'll finally get it over with sooner rather than later.

This bipolar isn't working out too good in my favor, too many lows as compared to highs. I took some speed today just to get something into my receptors to make me feel at least like moving. IF it weren't for the speed non of you would be able to read this new post. I need me a cigarette and a shower. So I'm leaving with this. I hate my face, I hate this place, and I'm not strung out again.

Wait a minute. I want to clarify something, I don't want to be strung out, I just want to use every few days when I'm sad, just to make the sadness dull or go away. Although if I have a lot of dope around I can't contain myself and I use it all right away. No will power.


Anonymous said...

The song is Legalize Heroin, by Steven Fields of the band Iron Curtain.

Anonymous said...

Also, Love Kills by Joe Strummer.
"Down in dixie, you were crying for dope."

John said...

That's a piss take, selling your gear on is bad. Why nothin a load and bury bits around the place, so it isn't easily accessible and you can make it last? I can't believe you front money before getting.

Ive been following you for a while; things are sounding bad for you right now; what happened to the book and allthe exciting plans you had?

That positive you is still there, you know, things will turn round. I've been clean for two days, unfortunately, but I have a morphine script to get me through, can't your dr do that for you?


Anna Grace said...

Good video.

I know I fronted $ but it was to my best friend. They are giving me the money back. Assholes.
My book should be out in August. Trafford publishing house.
School was just two classes on writing and are done. I still am on weight watchers and workout.

Anonymous said...

you are a lying cunt and probably not even getting high just like last time you fuckin train wreck

trish said...

anon you are such a fuck.

looking forward to your book anna banana.

Anna Grace said...

Anon, you have a right to doubt me, as I did lie before, but I fessed up.

Do you have to be so fucking rude about it. Get over yourself.

Gledwood said...

what a bastard letting you down like that

you know that saying a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush it's only worth celebrating once you have the shit and are at home just you and it and it making you high

i used to hate the bullshit of scoring even going down the road, waiting, feeling like the bastard was never going to come, getting the bag(s) feeling it carefully thinking it had better be fucking good etc etc stewing all the way home on the bus because the bus is slow and keeps stopping when I just want him to push that pedal flat to the floor, roar straight to my house and dump me directly there

i have £19 and not one single person i can reliably score off. not one. how fucked up is that

ok there is one option but he fucked me over x2 in a row. i was so mentally ill at the time it barely registered on my consciousness i just wanted the feeling of using heron rather than the effect of the drug, now i want the fucking effect. i can't believe i ever lost it that bad but i did

i was so crazy people were backing away from me in shops etc. my inner voice turned into a tiger's roar. i was irritated and pissed off half the time and euphorically exalted the other. really really manic

then i was just really fucked up for weeks on end and that's when that bastard sold me nothingness it was a bag of grey shit i don't know what crap was in it but he has the barefaced cheek to inform me "nobody else comlained" probably because nobody in his eyes was sucker enough to get sold it

good job i'm antidrugs when i'm hyper because i'd really fuck this one up if he came near me when i was manic and pissed off

manic manic manic, when will it come back again???

Gledwood said...

trust me to forget what i was actually saying

i was saying that fucker had better MAKE SURE HE SERVES UP GOOD

tomorrow. whenever the hell he/she/it is meant to give you those bags of china white

is he going to chicago to get more? or what i don't get it

actually don't post it post it after it happens

i've got to go anna i'm in a real shitty bad mood i dont know why it's too hot here and there's fucking disney films on tv annoying the crap out of me