I'm home in Wisconsin, and guess what? No dope, the person sold it on me and is giving me my money back. He's out of gear and has to drive down to Chicago to get more. I tried to explain that I wanted him to take my money and buy more gear while down there, but he's Purto Rican and we can't communicate very well. I'm crying my eyes out. I have works and no gear. There is nothing anybody can do for me.
Oh well its probably a good thing. Forced sobriety. I might go out and get drunk, buy some alcohol get jiggy wit it. LOL! That's so not me. Aside form the getting drunk to forget part.
The flight home was misery, I had four layovers, and gates far apart. Walking thru those airports I definitely went down in weight. Yay me. Fuck me. I'd rather be fat and high , not sad and skinny. The thing is when I get strung out I get really skinny. Down to 120 lbs last time I got strung out. That really doesn't matter if I get skinny, or if I get high, if this sadness gets any worse I'm going to hang myself. My dad leaves back for Arizona May 6th, and I'll finally get it over with sooner rather than later.
This bipolar isn't working out too good in my favor, too many lows as compared to highs. I took some speed today just to get something into my receptors to make me feel at least like moving. IF it weren't for the speed non of you would be able to read this new post. I need me a cigarette and a shower. So I'm leaving with this. I hate my face, I hate this place, and I'm not strung out again.
Wait a minute. I want to clarify something, I don't want to be strung out, I just want to use every few days when I'm sad, just to make the sadness dull or go away. Although if I have a lot of dope around I can't contain myself and I use it all right away. No will power.