That damn wedding is finally over, and now the TV is recapping it all. My God, I'm so sick of this wedding bullshit. If I ever get married Las Vegas and a drive thru window will do for me. Although I would like a small wedding on the beach in Hawaii. Small! I would also like to be loaded when I'm married.
Sometimes I get really high, and I get sick of it when its wearing off and that euphoria is gone, but your pupils are still pined and you keep nodding off no matter how hard you try to stay awake.
I'm off to weight watchers, I know that I lost 5lbs from weighing myself on our home scale. This junky diet is really working.
When my dad notices that I took all his pills, I'm afraid he won't leave for Arizona, and he won't let me go anywhere. I had a nightmare, that I was shooting up in my room, and my sister was there, and she saw me. She told my parents. My parents then ripped my room apart taking all my drugs and flushing them down the toilet. Trying to trap me in the house. As I tried to pack my things, and make my way over to the homeless shelter, or over to my friends house. I knew though in my dream that my friend couldn't help me out because she's in a very precarious position in her home life. Plus my friend is trying to stay clean, and wouldn't want me around using. I felt like a teenager not a 28 year old adult, who can leave anytime I want to.
If I get lucky and my dad doesn't notice the switch out of pills I did, I'm going to send a note with the pills down to Arizona that tells him that I took the real pills, and that I'm going back to the Methadone clinic.
Yesterday I saw my shrink, and I told him I was using, and you would never guess what he did. He gave me Narcan in case I overdose. Which was really cool of him. Although I will be by myself using and if I OD, I'm not going to get that Narcan in my system myself. He gave me the liquid form, and wrote me out a script to syringes to inject the Narcan. That's the first time my insurance ever paid for syringes. I have to keep the Narcan in the refrigerator, so I told my dad its a drug like Suboxone that keeps me from using. I told my friend that I got this Narcan, and if she knows I have Heroin and she calls which she does everyday and I don't answer that she should come over and give me a Narcan shot. It takes time to OD, it takes time for your lungs to stop working. I've never herd of someone ODing instantly. Its probably happened. Kurt Cobain took a mega dose, that would kill three men over again, and still he had the time to put a shot gun in his mouth and pull the trigger. I wonder if he shot up so much dope to make sure the gunshot didn't hurt, or if he just wanted to make sure he died? Both probably.
Gledwood, will you marry me? Just thought I would ask. I loved your commentary on the wedding. Your so witty. My ideal Internet partner.
So, the point of this post is like the wedding today, I'm royally fucked. Dad's going to get sick. May 5th can't come fast enough. That's the day my dad leaves for Arizona. I will be free, but bored, and full of guilt, until his pills come via fed ex around the 6th, and I can overnight them to him with the note.
Sorry to go on and on about this, but its the only thing I'm thinking about. I'm sure you could care less weather my dad goes berserk and kills me for yet again stealing his pills. Tomorrow I get Methadone from a different friend. If he starts to get sick, I'll put 5mgs in his soda. Hold him over.
I'm making the drive down to Chicago again sometime after the 1st when I get my SSI. I won't be able to spend a huge amount, because I only have like 300 dollars to last me a month.
Gleds, about the guns in America. Its absurd. The only reason you can have a hand gun is for protection. eg: if someone breaks into your house you can shoot that person for trespassing. You have to get a special perment to get a concealed hand gun, and its rather hard to get. There are still considered for self protection, eg: a gun in your purse or glove compartment is in case you get mugged, or car jacked. America is split in half on the gun issues. It is in our constitution the right to bear arms. The right wingers don't want to loose that right. I imagine they are afraid of getting their hunting rifles, and shotguns taken away. I did once have a boyfriend who used a hand gun to shoot a deer. Willy was his name. He was my high school sweetheart. I was 15 and he was 20 when we started dating. I look back and think gross, he was child molesting. I felt so bad for that deer. He collected hand guns, not for protection, but for fun. He never planed on using it. Except when I broke up with him, he put one of the guns to his head. Its gang members, and serial killers that really show the cause to eliminate the right to bear arms from our constitution. Getting a gun is easy here, its the perments to carry them with you at all times that's hard to get. A lot of people get put in jail for carrying hand guns on their person without a perment.