A morning I'll never forget. I was in Michigan at my parents house with my boyfriend at the time Pete. We had driven up to Michigan a day early, we were suppose to go to Michigan the next day with my sister Angie. I was dope sick and had to go up to Michigan where my dad had Oxycontin. So we left a day ahead of my sister.
The night before Angie was suppose to come to Michigan, while Pete and I had already driven up there, Angie had a beer party at house. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of five years. She was in a depression from the breakup.
The morning of the day Angie was suppose to drive to Michigan, there was a knock at the door at four am. I was up still high and nodding out. I open the door, and its the police. They asked to speak to Dean Young my father. I wondered and worried what did my dad do to get the police to come to our house at such an early hour. I went up stairs and woke up my dad and told him the police were there asking for him. Pete and I stayed up stairs because I was worried it was about me stealing his Oxycontin. My mom had gone down with my dad. I was in the hallway listening, but I couldn't hear much.
Suddenly I herd my mom scream, NO, NO, my babys dead. I knew right then Angie had died. I slide down the wall in shock. I came down stairs and saw my mom lying on the floor crying and screaming. The police where still there, and kept asking do you need us to keep you from hurting yourself, or your family to my dad. My dad was in shock. He got to go on the phone and had me call family memmbers telling them Angie was dead. She had died in a drunk driving accident.
My aunt and Uncle had decided to come and pick up my parents because they were too distraught to drive. Pete and I had to drive my car, and my parents car back to Wisconsin. I listened to the band Morphine the whole way home. I had just introduced her to the band Morphine a few days earlier when I drove her to get a tune up on her car. She liked the last song on the album. I cried and cried. I needed more Oxycontin to numb myself. In my parents dispare they were taking the Oxycontin as much as I was and they were giving me a hand full.
My dad had wanted Angie's room cleaned out because he didn't want to come home and know she was dead and have to look at her room empty forever. So pete did as best he could, but my aunt stopped us knowing we would want to go through her room. By the time we had got home the entire family and friends were there waiting for us to show up. They all brought food, and sympathy. I was in such shock and so high I just wanted to be alone, away from everyone except Pete and my parents. The only people who knew the pain we were in.
When my parents showed up I went into my room alone and got so high I couldn't even walk. I made Pete leave me alone. I asked why her, not me I want to die. She wanted life. She was productive, and I was lazy and useless. I kept imaging what she went through. Did she know she was dieing and did it feel so good she just went away? Did she feel pain? Every horriable thought went through my brain. I couldn't numb this pain all the way with opiates. I needed some control so I sliced my leg and bandaged it up to feel the pain, or some of the pain Angie felt.
I miss my little sister so much and just want to join her where ever she is. Along with my Papa Donald who killed himself, and my grandma who died of cancer, but really they oded her on morphine so she wouldn't suffer any more. I don't want to suffer any more, I want to be oded on diamorphine to make this pain go away.
Angie died at 19 years old. I was 20 years old. The year was 2003.