Thursday, April 14, 2011

Its a long lonely journy from death to birth

A morning I'll never forget. I was in Michigan at my parents house with my boyfriend at the time Pete. We had driven up  to Michigan a day early, we were suppose to go to Michigan the next day with my sister Angie. I was dope sick and had to go up to Michigan where my dad had Oxycontin. So we left a day ahead of my sister.

The night before Angie was suppose to come to Michigan, while Pete and I had already driven up there, Angie had a beer party at house. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of five years. She was in a depression from the breakup.


The morning of the day Angie was suppose to drive to Michigan, there was a knock at the door at four am. I was up still high and nodding out. I open the door, and its the police. They asked to speak to Dean Young my father. I wondered and worried what did my dad do to get the police to come to our house at such an early hour. I went up stairs and woke up my dad and told him the police were there asking for him. Pete and I stayed up stairs because I was worried it was about me stealing his Oxycontin. My mom had gone down with my dad. I was in the hallway listening, but I couldn't hear much.

Suddenly I herd my mom scream, NO, NO, my babys dead. I knew right then Angie had died. I slide down the wall in shock. I came down stairs and saw my mom lying on the floor crying and screaming. The police where still there, and kept asking do you need us to keep you from hurting yourself, or your family to my dad. My dad was in shock. He got to go on the phone and had me call family memmbers telling them Angie was dead. She had died in a drunk driving accident.

My aunt and Uncle had decided to come and pick up my parents because they were too distraught to drive. Pete and I had to drive my car, and my parents car back to Wisconsin. I listened to the band Morphine the whole way home. I had just introduced her to the band Morphine a few days earlier when I drove her to get a tune up on her car. She liked the last song on the album. I cried and cried. I needed more Oxycontin to numb myself. In my parents dispare they were taking the Oxycontin as much as I was and they were giving me a hand full.

My dad had wanted Angie's room cleaned out because he didn't want to come home and know she was dead and have to look at her room empty forever. So pete did as best he could, but my aunt stopped us knowing we would want to go through her room. By the time we had got home the entire family and friends were there waiting for us to show up. They all brought food, and sympathy. I was in such shock and so high I just wanted to be alone, away from everyone except Pete and my parents. The only people who knew the pain we were in.

When my parents showed up I went into my room alone and got so high I couldn't even walk. I made Pete leave me alone. I asked why her, not me I want to die. She wanted life. She was productive, and I was lazy and useless. I kept imaging what she went through. Did she know she was dieing and did it feel so good she just went away? Did she feel pain? Every horriable thought went through my brain. I couldn't numb this pain all the way with opiates. I needed some control so I sliced my leg and bandaged it up to feel the pain, or some of the pain Angie felt.

I miss my little sister so much and just want to join her where ever she is. Along with my Papa Donald who killed himself, and my grandma who died of cancer, but really they oded her on morphine so she wouldn't suffer any more. I don't want to suffer any more, I want to be oded on diamorphine to make this pain go away.

Angie died at 19 years old. I was 20 years old. The year was 2003.

This was the last song I shared with Angie.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

your sister is probably better off dead than with your loser family. no wonder your a junkie, when everyone in your family is also hooked on oxy.

Anna Grace said...

Anon,

How fucking dare you. Your a spineless bastered not leaving your name. My sister was a good person. I take the blame for her death, if I hadn't been strung out maybe she would be alive today. My parents are not addicted to Oxy, they just used it for the day of the death and the funeral. My dad only gets percocets now for his back pain, which he doesn't even use as much as he's prescribed.

I hope you loose someone close to you. You deserve it.

Gledwood said...

Anonymous just needs to grow up. Anonymous can't even think up a street name to comment under so ignore Anonymous. What do these people do, look for blogs written by unhappy people then leave poisonous comments? They say heroin is a poison, Anonymous is more toxic by far

John said...

Anonymous - nice to see you're back and reminding us of what the lowest of the low really is.

Every time I see a line saying heroin users are the scum of the Earth, I can just look at your post and think "Actually, you know what, there's proof we're not."

Incidentally, I'm a daily injecting user, I work full time in a senior role, I earned, last year, the equivalent of 94,321 USD, and I have a happy home life with my wife and children.

Probably things you don't do, or have, if you're reduced to spouting vitriol anonymously on the internet.

Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you had nothing positive to say, you should say nothing?

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

so let's recap: pill popping parents, drunk driving sister. no wonder you turned out such a waste of oxygen.

Anna Grace said...

Oh anon, give it a rest. I don't care what you think. Thanks for the comments, you kept it interesting.

Gledwood said...

Anonymous: her Dad was prescribed Oxy quite legitimately. Anna got herself a habit and used to steal the pills. Clear now?

bazluvolivia4evaxxx said...

Hi i never comment anywhere but Gw.I am a blog snob! but please understand if u trying to find out about these things, methadone does NOT repeat NOT block the effects of H (in fact quite the opposite) there are many other discrepancies in your "writings" that I care not to mention. You need more research
x

bazluvolivia4evaxxx said...

ps, The comment re meth, research etc is from Bugerlugs 63 (often at gw) I was not trying to be someone else looks like my son changed my id for a "laugh ha ha"

Anna Grace said...

Long name,
In my books final draft I changed the bit about methadone blocking Heroin effects. I looked up the effects of methadone on an addict. Although I still believe that methadone fills up your opiate receptors, and if u use H on top of the methadone you don't get high, although you can still OD.