Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oh me, oh my!

Oh me, oh my, am I feeling better. I found a taxi cab driver who found me a heroin connection, and I got a doctor to write me out a script to Dilauded. I'm only using every other day, and as small amount as I can. I use just enough to take away the sadness. The H down here in Arizona is Mexican Black Tar, and its not cut to shit. It cost 90 USD for a gram. I almost shit my pants when I herd how cheap it was. Then I was sure it would be shit dope, but I used about .02 and it layed me on my ass. Right now I'm using up the H, because I'm leaving on Tuesday for Wisconsin, and I can't take the H with me. I can take the Dilauded with me, because its prescribed to me. I only got forty, four mg tablets of the Dilauded, but I also have ten .02 bags of shit H at home waiting for me...hopefully. I had my hook up hold it for me, and this person swears its still there and they didn't cut it and sell part of it. Which is what I would do if I didn't know the person so well. My connection knows me well, so hopefully this person won't screw me over.

I want to Thank Gledwood for making me laugh when I thought it was impossiable to even form a smile on my face. I want to thank Boomer too.

I am scared that when I get home and run out of dope, I'm going to be totally strung out again. The last thing I need. I can't go back to the Methadone clinic, my parents are so proud of me for being clean. Shit just thinking about this and writing it down make me need another fix, because it depresses me. I hate being honest with myself. If I do have a habbit when I get home, I'll just have to kick it. Kick it old school, cold turkey.  I will probably tell my shrink so he can prescribe me clonidine to help with the withdrawls.

I got to go and take a shower.

15 comments:

Boomer said...

Yo man dis Boomer from Yuma. Again.

Yo sweetness, I got a real sticky tool now wid chocolate sauce all over it and underpants full of cheerios because no ho come and suck dat shit off. Now my ass crunch wheneva I sit down. Dis well inconvenient. I also got dope and coke coming outta my ass and no ho bothering to call my cell for dat shit. Best shit in town yo fucker. Come and get it!

How come you never called my cell when I got fire dope. Yo motherfucka!

Dimes, twenties, best venom in town. In gel caps ready for ya, man.

Come by my crackhouse and suck dat devil's dick y'all. I give y'all free samps - one and one if you come this evening and rectify dis sticky underpants situation. Dem boxers stickin to my balls every moment of the day. It gettin well nasty, bro.

So you coming to see me or not you great ho?

If yo up for dat motherfucka then gimme a tinkle, bitch. You got my number.

I look forward to your forthcoming telephonicular communication. You like my posh language y'all? I doing some GED shit. Only crap I any good at be math, figuring out how much bread I made out of y'all crack-sucking fuckers.

CALL ME TONITE, HO!

Gledwood said...

I think that man gets more rude and obnoxious every message he sends. Boomer from Yuma! Whatever next. He says he's got Venom, that's china white, right. Never said a price though did he?

You know our gear used to be £30 a weighed gram and I had scales. That was $60 at the time because it was 2 dollars to a pound. At the current exchange rate that's about $50. Don't be envious though the gear we get at the moment is SHIT compared to what it used to be. I hit up 0.3 and just about get the feeling I want from it. I did a 0.3 today and feel WAY better. I'm pissed off with the medical services at the clinic not acknowledging that methadone is so bad for my mental health. You know how shit I felt yesterday. I was on nothing yesterday and really felt dire. I'm probably going to feel dire tomorrow unless this mood finally lifts.

I heard of a mood stabilizer that prevents depression more than it does mania, it's called lamactil. Also oxcarbazepine is meant to work along similar lines. I couldn't do carbamazeine (tegretol) because it brought me out in a rash last time so they probably won't prescribe it.

As for you going sick you shouldn't be too dope sick after just a week using. Do you really think that person will save at 2g for you? Sounds to me like they're diluting it themself, if you're taking 0.8 in one go it's cut to fuck. You shouldn't let that happen. Easier said than done I know. I got ripped off last week, ,got a bag of nothing for £15. First time that's hapened in about 5 years. The last time I went NUTS and was ready to commit murder. This time I was so down I just dropped some Valium and slept same as I would have on heroin and the next day I was £15 down same as I would have been on real gear and my methadone was holding me so I wasn't sick so I just treated it philosophically.

If I see that person next time I'm hyper (if there ever IS a next time) then I'll fuck him about big time. But I'm not wasting energy being angry with someone like that. All I will do is get my money back, I won't hurt him. I'll just get back what I'm due.

Can't you go dr shopping in Wisconsin? And why can't you take the tar back with you? If I was you I'd buy another G and take it home with me. Then you've got 5 hits to make the next week go OK.

Sounds like heroin does the same to you as it does to me. Antidepressant. Why won't the doctors admit that and prescribe morphine for depression? Whatever shit they're giving you obviously isn't as good as heroin, so they're guilty of dereliction of duty.

There is a drug called Parnate that I heard some bipolars are put on. It's an MAOI which means you have to be really careful with diet otherwise you'll get a hypertensive crisis when your blood pressure rises real high and makes you sick it is NOT nice and not a good way of committing suicide. I just mention this as I know the way your mind works. Same as mine. But you could ask about this Parnate stuff. If other antidepressants aren't working for you maybe this will. It's in a totally different class to other antidepressants so the doctor might consider it. Also it's chemically related to speed so you might get a real high off it!

Take care and give Boomer a call. Sounds like he needs someone to sort out that underpants predicament pretty bad.

Anna Grace said...

Hey dare Boomer,

You bet my wet pussy and wet mouth will be there to clean up your grundy undies. Me and u can get so high on speedballs we'll fuck till Tuesday.

Boomer said...

Yeah man I take it you be comin right round. My house be 3767 Arizona Drive, Yuma. Come der quick an speedball away. My ass be too crunchy for words

Anna Grace said...

Gledwood,
I can't take the Heroin with me because I don't want to chance getting caught at the airport.

Also, I'm on Lamictol 200mg at bed time. Lexapro is my antidepressant, clonazepam my anti anxiety meds, Ambien my sleep meds. Oh yes, and a new one Abilify another mood stabilizer.

I want to move to London where the dope is cheap. I'm sure dope is cheaper in NYC,and LA,etc. We should switch countries.

You know I'm attracted to dirty junkie types. So don't get down on yourself about how u look. Lots of girls like that grunge look.

I can't remember what else you asked. So I'll talk to you later. Btw, do you have yahoo messenger? If you did we could chat.

Guess what, I've lost 25 lbs on weight watchers. I now weigh 192.

Gledwood said...

You weigh less than me now.

I lost about 4lbs in a week, but I'm using Valium Marilyn's scales that are digital and keep giving slightly different results so I used the higher readings.

I've lost my appetite due to the depression so that's one good thing. I'm down to one frozen takeaway per day (one curry, one rice). Here you can buy frozen takeaway and microwave it yourself it's about a third the price of the Indian curryhouse.

I realized the tar issue might have something to do with airports after I'd posted. In this country we go everywhere by car or train, the only place you'd fly might be London to Scotland. That's a one hour flight compared to literally all day in a car or half a day in a train.

Seriously you wouldn't want to be in London on heroin these days it's shit. My dealer goes off for days at a time so Im stuck with my 2nd 3rd and 4th choices and their gear doesn't even inject properly. Loads of people smoke it now because must British junkies are in their 40s (there was a huge wave of new heroin addiction in the mid 90s which is when I went on it but since then relatively few people have took up the habit. The reason for the surge in use then was that heroin suddenly halved in price and we were the rave generation, used to experimenting with new substances. Eg when I was at school cocaine was considered a hard drug. Then it became very fashionable to experiment with it. I was one of those people who went a step further into crack and heroin, basically because they were forbidden. Lots of people I knew wouldn't even want to be my friend if they knew I'd TRIED heroin let alone took it on anything like a monthly basis, which I did. I took it monthly (on average) for something like 2 or 3 years until it crept up on me and I got a habit.

I feel way better tonight than last night. Maybe it's because I had gear this afternoon. But Im still awake at one thirty am so hopefully the depression is actualy lifting. Fat chance of that probably, but I suppose it's a possibility.

I heard that deliberately losing sleep can snap you out of a depressive episode if you suffer from over sleeping. Last time I tried to do that I couldn't sleep anyhow and went manic anyway. I hope I manage to get the high back. I don't feel ANY need to take heroin when I'm hyped up on life. It pisses me off that I basically have a drug habit because of a mood problem and nothing the drs have given me has really helped. Heroin is the only antidepressant that really works for me. Sad but true.

But hey here's fingers crossed for a manic spell. You'll know if I'm manic. Loads of shite will appear all over my blog suddenly and I'll be posting 3 times a day minimum thinking everyone wants to hear every crazy-arse thought in my head!

Good luck with those bags supposed to be waiting for you back home. Won't this friend of yours give you the connection? Over here what you'd normally do is buy someone a bag for giving you an introduction. If they're your good friend you shouldn't have to give them anything. A free hit maybe, I dunno. I haven't met a new dealer in ages. I was so pissed off with that drought I just gave up on heroin for weeks on end and the local man gives such tiny bags 2 for £15 but only one point each that I'm disgusted. The one I go to does nearly double size to that but his gear is shit. The one I went to today for the point three probably has the best gear but it's a twenty minute walk to the meeting place. He won't drive to my house it's too far out of his area.

I don't know why you want to hear all this. I'm still too pissed off with life to post on my own blog and everyone assumes I'm back on heroin until I die just because I've been using every other day. I tell them I'm only using because I feel so bad I want to curl up and die but nobody really listens. They haven't taken heroin in their lives so they dont understand.

Gledwood said...

the reason 40 year old junkies tend to smoke is the obvious: no veins

also Afghan H3 is meant for smoking; in the middle east they traditionally smoke it off silver foil

there's something of a north-south divide in this country. up north it's not unusual for someone to have a huge heroin habit for years and never go beyond smoking it

i think London addicts are more likely to inject because heroin started in London in the 1960s when it was pharmaceutical heroin jacks for injection or Chinese heroin which was H4, like the Venom Boomer keeps trying to sell you

a lot of the younger kids are actually crackheads who use heroin on the side rather than junkies who use tiny bits of crack. difference being these crackheads are scared of needles

i won't go on about crackhead heroin users. crackheads really piss me off for lots of reasons

eg when i was on that drug course earlier in the week i was the ONLY injecting junkie in that room everyone else was basically a crack smoker and i just do not relate to their mentality. i use gear for the same reasons you do, because it makes me feel better all day. i mean what does crack do? certainly doesn't make you feel better all day! even if you smoke it all day you just feel wiry and shitty from it. i hate crack. it's just a not as good version of mania let's face it

anyway i've got to go it's 2am sweet dreams. i don't really want to sleep even though i'm exhausted i want out of this shitty depression for good i'm hoping if i can cut my sleep hours down to say 5 hours a night for 2 or 3 days in a row i might snap myself out of it. who knows? i did some research and it implies that is possible

anyway take care of yourelf and be careful of that venom, it might be stronger than you expect

Anna Grace said...

I literally love reading what you have to say. I can relate to nearly everything you write about.

You know, it should be you who writes a book. You have a eloquent way of writing, yet its readable to the masses.

I hope you go manic soon.

Gledwood said...

hey guess what it's 3am and I'm feeling TONS better than I did earlier, and i used all the gear this afternoon, so maybe my mood finally is going up. i don't like to talk too soon, but temporarily at least, the depression seems to have nearly vanished!

i put up a rude song for you at mine, it is called Moist Womanly Needs. Have a click and see what you think. It has a coke hag in a club eyeing up the men; I think the voice over is hilarious.

Anna Grace said...

I hope its because of me thinking of you all day and night that made your mood go up!

I listened to the song earlier today. I thought it was hilarious. I just can't comment on your blog because I'll leave these really long comments and when I click on post it disappears. At least it did today.

I wanted you to redesign your blog, but keep all the information you have. Also put a big pic of yourself on top. JK! But I really wanted you to design your blog. Its not that I don't like your design I just see it three or four times a day. I wanna see something different, but keep you writing the same.

Gledwood said...

Hi Anna its Monday night Im not feeling anything like as good as i was when i last posted here but better than the worst. Gear, as you know, takes more than the edge off. If it was a licensed antidepressant the drs would be prescribing it all the time as it's really effective. I don't know how I can get out of this vicious circle because I'm feeling so shitty without the stuff and methadone just does not cut it for me. Only way out I can think of is a bit of mania but when the hell will that ever come? Maybe never ever again: that would be fucking typical. I'm probably just a miserable depressive who had one bipolar episode so I can never take antidepressants, never be happy and never even have a manic episode to compensate for it all. I know I went nuts when I was manic. Far more nuts than I've ever gone in depression even when I had a bit of "psychotic features" with some of my old downs (not the current one, thank God) I went so fucking revved up I didn't know what I was thinking any more: it certainly wasn't English. Just fucking roaring noise. Have you ever gone that out of it on mania that the words in your head break up into sounds and eventually there's just noise? I was sat in my chair roaring out the noise that was in my head, in my body, everywhere. No wonder my housemates avoid me now, but I don't care. Before that they just looked down at me as a junkie, now they're scared of me because they've heard me going crazy. I didn't realize they must have heard me till right afterwards. The walls in this place are really thin and I was on my own roaring and yelling to myself. The only good thing is the guy downstairs who used to threaten to get me chucked out literally bolted into his room the last few times he saw me during that manic episode. Well fuck him. Sometimes fear is a good thing. When people who used to sneer down at you are now scared of you that is good. I hope you're OK back in Wisconsin. Did that heroin connect come through? I'd guess 50:50 yes or no. Please blog what happened next, what's happening now. On with the story, girl!

Gledwood said...

The revved up was mania and I was really high not low. I just left out the full stop. Dur!

Gledwood said...

ps you know your crack: have a look at the vial on my blog and tell me whether i guessed the weight right, please

we don't have crack vials here, like i said. just clingfilmed-up rocks. or very occasionally rocks wrapped in coloured polythene. i've never in my life seen a crack vial

and what is a gell cap? we never get caps of heroin and i've never seen one. they don't mean pill capsules broken open and filled with heroin do they? isn't a gell cap a thing like a crack vial but for heroin?

i would redesign my blog if i thought it would look original but i altered my German blog into a black with white writing which looks really good but loads of other people use that look too so i don't know what to go for...

Anna Grace said...

Gledwood,

I'm still in Arizona till tomorrow morning at 6:55am Pacific time. I arrive in Wisconsin at 8:30 central time.

I won't know until Wednesday if my gear is still there or not. I read your blog from late lastnight. I'm going on my way now to read your latest blog.

Anonymous said...

u called a cab and got some? in what city? i am sick and need a taxi .. lol