Saturday, April 30, 2011

My dad will spank me if he finds out what I did

Well as of this morning all of my dad's pills are gone. He has two days left, and then nothing. How could I be so selfish to let another addict go sick. He will never allow me to give him Methadone I bought on the black market, so I plan on trying to dose him. Not with much, as I'm afraid his tolerance isn't what mine is. 10 to 20mgs is what I plan on giving him in his soda or coffee. I'm not sure what amount of Oxycodon 5mgs is compared to Methadone. I'll have to research it. I know at the clinic they start you off at 30mgs no matter what your addicted to, and how potent it is.

My post last night was in the heat of the moment. I was sobbing, and felt so guilty and I just wanted to end it all, but I have things to live for. Plus if I killed myself and my dad didn't have his pills he would go nuts. He may even kill himself. He has told me if I died he would kill himself. So in reality if I kill myself I'll be committing murder. If there is a hell, I will surely burn.

I have my book coming out and that is a good reason to stay alive. Not hurting my parents even worse than disappointing them with my relapse is a good reason to stay alive. My book Teenage Angst  is a good reason to stay alive to see if I find a publisher, along with the book I'm writing now about my relationships with men. A very sexual book. No title as of yet. Notice the theme here all about me. Narcissistic! Self involved! Selfish! Stupid! All words that describe me.

I'm also getting some Heroin today. I'm going to save that for before I go back to the Methadone clinic so I have it in my system, and not Methadone so the clinic doesn't know I've been buying Methadone off the black market. They might not except me if I'm using Methadone without a prescription. I'm not sure of their policy. Even though when I went to the Methadone clinic in Hawaii I had Methadone in my system and they dosed me that day, but I also had a prescription from a doctor in Michigan who gave me the Methadone in lue of Dilauded.

I wish that my favorite bloggers blogged more. Come on Bmelonsandlemondade, Gledwood, John(pinsandgrins) Danny, Melodylee, and the rest of you I follow. HeroinHead hasn't put out a new post in ages. Aside from the one the other day in respect of a writer who died.

What else can I say, were all gay. Stolen words.

5 comments:

Gledwood said...

Narcissistic! Selfish! Stupid! would make a REALLY GOOD TITLE for a book.


For God's sake be careful dosing somebody else with methadone. Can't he just get more pills off the dr and quick? And what about that morphine he keeps in a safe? Wouldn't that hold him?

O shit it's 4:20pm I have to run.

Valerie said...

Anna Honey

Sorry I haven't been in touch. It's all systems go here in Aus with a BUMPER OPIUM HARVEST on its way from those highlands down to my personal crop of heroin refineries on the Burmese border!

Your Mr Kim is stirring away humming pretty tunes in Cantonese. Nobody understands a word he's saying but he does produce top notch white heroin it must be said. I'm about to prong some in me femoral as we speak.

Now Anna Darling what are you so upset about. You've been speaking to that Gledwood too much, I know you have. BEWARE OF SCHIZOS. Even schizo-affectives. They are the worst of the bunch. Fucking nutters the lot of them.

Obviously I'm not talking about ordinary bi-polars like you. Just a bit moodier than average, that's all you are.

Now my darling life is pretty shit down here in Melbourne. There's been a terrible scarcity of good coke. And seeing as I only buy it in a kilo at a time I'm hardly in a position to influence this terrible downturn in the market (unlike heroin which I CONTROL!!!) So we're reduced to piping stuff that looks like Lux soap flakes. Nasty stuff. Brucey was coughing up black tar the other night. Don't get excited. I know you Americans like banging up black tar heroin. This was black tar PUS. Yucky shit it was. Probably nearly as yucky as black tar gear!!

Well the kiddies are off at school. Oh no they're not because it's Saturday. Trust me not to remember what day it is. Drugs drugs and more drugs. Conspiracy to supply drugs. Emails from the frontline in Burma. More drugs. Ain't life a bang!

Well I have to go darling. Look if it makes you feel better I'll send you a yummy pot of neat dilaudid plus some empty capsules you can shovel it into for your old Dad. Careful though this stuff is neat, like the last stuff. He'll be stuck to the ceiling on this!

Lots of love

Valerie

XxXxXxX

Valerie said...

PS what did you think of the Royal Wedding?

GLUED to that screen, I was! Now I don't know about Wills but you want to watch that Kate. Someone told me the other day she was a notorious prostitute in Tottenham North London and a real one for the crack pipe!

Wondering why it took her so long to get outta that car? She was having a nifty pipe in the middle of the back seat where nobody could snap her photo!

That's why they both looked so deliriously happy. Because they WERE delirious. On Aunty Val's best drugs!

What else could tide anybody through a church service that boring except heroin of the finest quality?

Shhhh don't tell anybody I told you!

XX

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Anna,
keep well always, your in my thoughts.

BMelonsLemonade said...

oxycodone 5 mg is way,way less than a 10 mg methadone. My friend takes the 5mg oxycodone for back pain, and when she runs out...she buys a 10mg methadone pill, and splits it into four very small pieces. One little piece does her just fine. I would strongly against putting such a strong opiate into your dad's coffee. It could really mess him up. Too much methadone can make soemone stop breathing. What if it fucks him up, and he tries to drive? I just would not do it. Especially not 20mgs.