Thursday, April 28, 2011

I like to fuck women while they have their period

Its official my dad is going to go sick. I'm in big trouble. I'm terrified, and want to kill myself, but I want to stay alive to see the release of my book. It was suppose to come out in May, but its been pushed back to September because it needed so much editing, and I made some many changes. Plus I want to see if I make any money off the book. I doubt I will, but the book is a reason to stay alive. My dad will be in Arizona when May's supply of pills come in. I'm going to fed ex them straight to my dad, that way I won't be able to use them. I'll go back on Methadone or Suboxone.

I have an appointment with my shrink today, and I don't know if I should tell him about my relapse. He might take away my sleepers, and my clonazepam, along with the Speed. I am going to ask for a reference to a doctor who does prescribe Suboxone. God, I wish my Dr. didn't loose his licence to prescribe narcotics.

Right now I still think I'm in control of my addiction, but fuck, now that I've taken all my dad's pills I know I'm out of control. I have two really bad problems. First I'm an addict, second I'm bi polar. If I do kill myself before the book comes out I want to do so on Heroin, and sleepers, and Clonazepam, and Xanax. Non of those pills cause nausea, so I won't vomit it all up before it kills me. Heroin does make you nauseous sometimes, but since its been injected your not throwing up the actual Heroin. I don't get nauseous from Heroin, so I won't have a problem. Watch me chicken out. Although if my dad is really disappointed in me, and screams and yells, and disowns me I'll definitely be on my edge. I hate myself so much for stealing his pills. I feel like the scum of the earth.

Danny, I would write more about sex, but I'm not having any so you'll have to wait and see if I decide to off myself, and if I don't I will try and get some cock. Then write about and post it for all to read. I will write more jail posts. Although jail was very boring, but there is a lot that goes on day to day that was abnormal. Like this old bitch that was in the Metal health unit with me and she was disgusting. She farted, didn't wear underwear or a bra, so you could spell her sticking pussy. She wouldn't even take a whores bath. Then her tits sagged down to her waist. Watching her eat made me sick to my stomach. Then there was the lady who was mentally retarded, who had put her kids in a dresser and set it on fire. She took a shit in the shower, and the guards tried to make me clean it up. I was like hell no, that's your job. The guards tried to tell me that I would get points as a good inmate. I asked would it get me out faster, they said nope. So I said fuck off and die asshole, you clean up that shit and blood. She was also on her period. That's another little taste of what I faced while in jail. BTW, all three of the retards kids died, but she was found not fit to stand trial, so she was waiting to be sent to the State Mental Institution.

Here on TV its all about the Royal Wedding. Just get that damn wedding over with, and why do us American's care. Its a different country. I'd much rather be English than American, so I shouldn't throw stones in a glass house. I'm mostly Irish, but no English blood that I know of. I haven't done my genealogical charting, but from what I've been told, I'm mostly Irish on both sides. I do like Irish accents. Its English, but you still can't understand them. I need a bloody fag. So I'm going to end this post.

3 comments:

Danny said...

fuckin hell, Anna - part of that had me in hysterics and the rest made me sad! telling about the women in prison, i laughed and laughed, i find strange surreal and disturbing things very funny, even the things that have occured to me in my own life while not being funny while it happened, when you reminise they are fucking hilarious...that part about the guards saying you'll get extra points for cleaning shit: for what? early release? no...haha! arseholes...

so this is why Anna, please don't top youself, like you've been told umpteen times on here you're a great writer, and i know the addictions a real hurdle, but see this genuine talent you have as the candle in a dark room. and you're a funny writer too, like this one, and that one a coupla weeks back about hooking in hawaii.

there's so little grace in the world, love, without losing Anna Grace, too!

Danny said...

PS i left answers to your questions under your comments on mine

Gledwood said...

I couldn't stop laughing at that woman shitting in the shower. "Will it get me out faster?" "Nope."

Now I'm thinking of her tits jangling off her knees and laughing even more.

To be serious:

You don't want to kill yourself. You just want some drugs, and your dad can tell his dr he lost a packet.

O man it is 930 the TV was on all fucking night blaring away about the royal wedding. Then I got up at 830 and guess what??! A guest walked into the church!!!! I turned over to a black and white film in despair. I think I'm going to take a methadone overdose to get through the day. Hey I've got Valium I'll be fine.

I wish I could think up some cure for the misery. Your misery.

I originally wanted heroin to commit suicide too. That's the reason I tried to score it the very first time. I gave someone £50 for half a gram (it was very expensive at the time that was 1994)... the BASTARD gave me my money back 2 days later bc he couldn't be bothered scoring. That was the basic reason. So I took every sleeping pill I had, put on about 12 layers of clothes, got wooden planks and bricks and tried to drown myself in the bath.

I woke up hours later colder than I've ever been in my life. If only I'd had heroin I would have taken the lot and probably died.

Maybe its a good thing I'm alive but not when the fucking royal wedding's on I wish they would just DO IT!