Tuesday, May 10, 2011

How to disappear completely

Today the sky is gray, and threatening. I can hear thunder rolling in the distance. Its the perfect weather for the mood I'm in. I only have two shots left, and I'll probably use it in one shot to get high. My tolerance has shot up which sux. I'm lonely here all by myself, and poor Eleanor is lonely for my parents. I'm so sick of daytime TV. I can't bring myself to shower. I haven't anyone to shower for. Why fucking bother? I'll save a shower for when I feel complete shit, and the only thing that will make me feel the least bit better is a shower. I can tell my period is coming because I'm broken out with three pimples. Although since I've been on a heroin binge for the past two or three weeks I might not get my period this month.

I'm suppose to go to the Methadone clinic on Thursday, but I don't really want to. I really want to kick the habit cold turkey. I'm broke so there is no way I can get anything, which is really the perfect time to kick the habit. Plus I haven't been using more than a month, so it should be rather easy for me to kick it.

The house needs to be cleaned, but I can't bring myself to do that either. I'm so fucking lazy, and I feel so fucking pathetic. I have to go to the post office today, but I don't want to leave the house. Yesterday I never walked out the front door.

I'm out of Adderal because I sold it to a friend who needed it, and without speed I'm super lazy. Plus its going to make kicking a lot harder. Having speed when I'm withdrawing keeps dopamine in my brain. Switch on addiction for the other. I might call my doctor and say I lost my pills, and see if he'll fill them early. Although I highly doubt as I just got them filled last week. There are other pills of mine that I need refilled, but I'm too lazy to go to the pharmacy to get them filled.

My friend owes me 200 dollars, Which I need to live off of for the next two weeks. I hope my friend pays me back asap. Although if I have that 200 bucks I might go out and spend it on dope.

I wish that Gledwood and I lived closer. He's my best friend and I relate to him more than any other person in the whole wide world. Its not fair that he lives over 3,000 miles away. I hope he's in a better mood than I am today.

This post is so fucking dull. I'm so fucking dull. I wish someone would just put a gun to my head, and pain the walls with my blood.

The condom is the glass slipper of our generation.

As always this song is for Gledwood, and everyone else who want to disappear completely


trish said...

I think people should donate money for you to buy a plane ticket to the UK (or for Gledwood to come to the US) It would be so exciting to follow you how you two would finally meet.
I would happily but money into your love-kitty for that!

Valerie said...

Oh please no!

Meet the fucker in Greeland, Anna. Tell the bastard it's a tropical country. Hopefully he'll freeze to death before you ever get off the plane.

Lots of love



Valerie said...

Freeze to death wearing nothing but open toe sandals, a Hawaiian shirt and bemuda shorts, I meant.

Have you read that idiot's blog today. More fucking boring shit. Least when he posts up my personal emails there's something worth reading. Even if the Aussie police and customs authority DO most probably log in.

Anonymous said...

I think you guys should meet. We should film it. Turn it into a documentary. What does gledwood look like? I've never seen a photo of the man.