So I'm totally out of Heroin now. I used up my last shot a few hours ago. Right now I'm sure I can go cold turkey, get all this shit out of my system. Yet I know as soon as I wake up tomorrow I'll be counting the hours until my Methadone clinic appointment is. I do have some Methadone that I bought on the black market, but its not going to last me very long. If I could just ween myself off that way I'd be fine.
I really don't want to go back on Methadone. Same with Suboxone. Come on for the first time in years I want to be truly clean. Most who read this blog, know I never have wanted to be totally clean before. I've always envisioned using on the side. It turns out I can't just keep a chip, I'm either full blown strung out, or I'm on Methadone and or Suboxone.
As far as my mood, I can't really tell you what my true mood is, because I'm high. This morning when I woke up before a poke, I was depressed. My usual depressed self. I cry because of anything, even when high. I'm going to be having a tough time coming up in the next few days, and I'm scared. Thank God, I don't have to put on a brave face for anyone. For Eleanor I have to be somewhat active. I have to take her outside every morning to go potty.
The editor emailed me today, and said I'm very honoured to have edited a book by such a young talented woman such as yourself. I scoffed, thanks for lying. I read the book, I fucking wrote the book. I know I have bad grammar. I know I'm definitely not a young talented woman.
I wish Gledwood would comment on my blog. I miss him, its been two days since I've opened my laptop. I was ungodly high for two full days. Got to go, I just got an email. Perhaps its Gledwood.